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cdriver

Funny stories

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Does anyone else have funny stories about golf?? I have a bunch.

Here is one to start it off.

A couple of years ago, I was home with my stepson (11 yrs old and in his room) and our Llasa Apso (on the den couch, sound asleep). I was watching the Golf Channel in the den (with the dog) and they were talking about finishing your follow through. I had an old 7 iron leaned against the fireplace, so I took it up to practice making a full follow through while brushing the carpet at the bottom of the downswing. This process was going along nicely until the Llasa awoke and stepped into the swing path of a nicely swung 7 iron. It caught him right in the side of the head and he went down like a stone.

I immediately dropped to my knees expecting to find him dead. He was breathing shallowly, but his eyes were fixed and he was totally immobile. My first thought was as to whether or not I could pack and be gone before my wife returned from the grocers. But, I came to my sense, called for my stepson and phoned the vets. He came down and opened for us. We set off for the vets with me driving and my stepson holding the still immobile dog in his lap. The dog came to just before we got to the vets and promptly threw up all over my stepson and my car.

Once in the vet's office, the dog was pronounced sound, but he had a broken tooth that would have to be dealt with by surgery. $400 and a lot of diamond jewelry later, I was back in the good graces of both the dog and wife. I did learn a valuable lesson, however..... one cannot make a full follow through if the object being hit weighs over 20 lbs.
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Two stories.

At the #1 par five on the Kennedy West Course here in Denver, I hit four mediocre shots to get just off the green about 30 feet from the pin. Should have been an easy up and down for the bogey save. Unfortunately, I blade the hell out of it, and the ball is a good four feet above the hole as it starts to whizz past. I'm now looking at double or maybe even a snowman.

Fortunately, the ball squarely slams into the pin with a tooth rattling clang. Did I say square? It literally crawled straight down the flag stick into the hole.

Any par, is a good par.


Second story: Me and my partner hit our shots on the par 3 third at Aurora Hills. Rich is pretty much the beginner, but he scored a nice GIR on this one. As his ball rolled past the pin, we took our eyes off of it as it was slowing down. After the rest of the foursome hits, we notice we are one ball short on the green. Rich's had disappeared. Didn't seem likely that it had rolled through the green, but it was the only possible explanation. After kicking around the greenside rough for a few minutes, I finally walk over and check the alternate hole that had been cut that day and glance down. Yep.

"Rich, I have some good new and some bad news. The good news is I found your ball. The bad news is you are one group too early."
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This is supposed to be a true story from one of the guys in another forum. The guy's friend was a bartender and they were in the bar when the bartender's father walked in. After exchanging greetings the bartender asked his dad how his golf game was? The old man said "Well, it's alot like masterbation. It's disgusting to watch, but I enjoy it!!"
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I once bet someone $5 I could hit a tree with my 3-iron (well, with the ball I'd hit with my 3-iron, not with the 3-iron itself). He gave me three attempts. The first two sailed through the notch where the trunk split into two.

The third smacked into the tree, about 75 yards away, and literally stuck to the tree. We walked up and found the ball stuck to a giant glob of sap. He gave me $10 and said "I bet you couldn't hit the tree, and you went and stuck it to the tree. That's worth an extra five bucks."

I've never seen a ball get stuck in a tree (or to a tree) except that one time. Freaky.
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A friend of mine used to say his golf game was exactly like his lovemaking.

He really enjoyed it, did it every chance he got, but it was an awful thing to watch.
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I once bet someone $5 I could hit a tree with my 3-iron (well, with the ball I'd hit with my 3-iron, not with the 3-iron itself). He gave me three attempts. The first two sailed through the notch where the trunk split into two.

I never stuck one to a tree, but I did hit myself with my own ball... I had an opening between two trees about 30 yards in front of me and I just knew if I could hit a low stinger between the trees, I could reach the green about 160 out. It came off perfect, low and boring, except for one small problem... It hit one of the trees dead center and ricocheted right back at me. Before I could move, it caught me in the inside of my foot and knocked my foot out from under me. I went down like a load of bricks. Luckily, it hit the shoe right where it joined the sole, so it didn't hurt anything but my dignity. My buddies had a great laugh. I think I took a triple.

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[=3][/] Me and a buddy went golfing this weekend and got paired with two guys. At our introduction they seemed very normal and familiar with golf rules. One of the guys wanted to play from the tips and we were playing from the whites. After we hit our second shots (first hole was par 5) we could not find my buddy's ball just off the fairway. After he dropped another ball and we were driving to the green we found it. One of the other guys had played it, ok he screwed up no big deal. We finished up the first hole and proceeded to the second. When we got to the green my friend said to me 'I didn't think that guy was on the green' I didn't notice where he landed and so I just said 'well, I guess he had a better shot then you thought'. On the third green, we noticed that where he marked his ball was closer to the hole then where it came to rest. We got in the cart and both commented about it and thought that is weird. On the fourth green, I saw him pick up his ball and toss his marker closer to the hole. This's went on for the entire game. He would look to see if we were watching and kick his ball or marker closer to the hole on EVERY green. His partner either didn't care or was oblivious to it but we were looking for his different tactics on each hole. He would move his marker or the ball closer and closer to the hole on every putt! Now I gotta say, we could have said something to him but why ruin it? This was the funniest golf outing I have ever had! On the last hole, he tried to move his marker with his putter without anyone noticing, but the clanging against the putter gave him away and he just kept bumping it closer and closer to the hole. I will never see anything as funny on the course again and am glad I was there to witness it!
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Does anyone else have funny stories about golf?? I have a bunch.

Here is one to start it off.

A couple of years ago, I was home with my stepson (11 yrs old and in his room) and our Llasa Apso (on the den couch, sound asleep). I was watching the Golf Channel in the den (with the dog) and they were talking about finishing your follow through. I had an old 7 iron leaned against the fireplace, so I took it up to practice making a full follow through while brushing the carpet at the bottom of the downswing. This process was going along nicely until the Llasa awoke and stepped into the swing path of a nicely swung 7 iron. It caught him right in the side of the head and he went down like a stone.

I immediately dropped to my knees expecting to find him dead. He was breathing shallowly, but his eyes were fixed and he was totally immobile. My first thought was as to whether or not I could pack and be gone before my wife returned from the grocers. But, I came to my sense, called for my stepson and phoned the vets. He came down and opened for us. We set off for the vets with me driving and my stepson holding the still immobile dog in his lap. The dog came to just before we got to the vets and promptly threw up all over my stepson and my car.

Once in the vet's office, the dog was pronounced sound, but he had a broken tooth that would have to be dealt with by surgery. $400 and a lot of diamond jewelry later, I was back in the good graces of both the dog and wife. I did learn a valuable lesson, however..... one cannot make a full follow through if the object being hit weighs over 20 lbs.


While doing something similar in family room adjacent to kitchen,

1) I hit a ceiling/light fan a few times with follow through.  One of those times, I broke a light bulb which showered down on my carpet.  Pretty sight.  Since then, I try to stick with shorter iron - no more than 3i if I want to follow through.

2) I hit a ball on a string - one that circles around at impact.   The string broke and the ball hit the ceiling at full speed.  We still live with the ball mark.

3) I broke pieces of kitchen top - too complicated to explain.

My wife was witness to all 3 and we are still married.

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I once bet someone $5 I could hit a tree with my 3-iron (well, with the ball I'd hit with my 3-iron, not with the 3-iron itself). He gave me three attempts. The first two sailed through the notch where the trunk split into two.

The third smacked into the tree, about 75 yards away, and literally stuck to the tree. We walked up and found the ball stuck to a giant glob of sap. He gave me $10 and said "I bet you couldn't hit the tree, and you went and stuck it to the tree. That's worth an extra five bucks."

I've never seen a ball get stuck in a tree (or to a tree) except that one time. Freaky.

I just need to bet $$$ before I hit a tree and the ball disappears (I assume it is stuck somewhere in the tree).   The money I'd win can pay for my golf lesson.

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Well, my daughter told me this one:

When the kids in middle school were trying out for the team, they had to turn in a recent score.

One of the kids turned in a score of 46 (On a 9 hole course). My daughter said "Wow, nice score." Then the teacher glares at him and asks, "Is this really your score?" He just shrugged his shoulders and said "Yup, those are the number of strokes I got over the par rating. . ." and walked away as if there was nothing wrong with that. :-$

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I had a lie on the edge of the woods on my second shot on a par 5, and the ball was resting against a tree root immediately in front of the ball. As I always play the damn ball as it lies, I gave it a whack with an iron of which I cannot remember. The ball hit the root and ricocheted directly up into my throat. I thought I was going to die. Of course, my playing partners were also dying...of laughter. Couple minutes of gasping later, and I was fine.

Of course, the one stroke penalty for hitting myself was just adding insult to (literal) injury.

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I pulled my second shot into some pine trees on #7 last night. I looked and looked and even asked the older gentleman playing the adjacent hole if he had seen it drop. As soon as I started walking to the cart to make the longest drive in golf, a ball thumps on the ground a few feet from me. I start looking around in disgust to see who had hit that ball in my direction without warning. It turns out I was the one who hit it and the tree finally decided to spit it back out.

:doh:

Oh wait, I don't have to take S&D;!

:dance:

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