Stranger Yips

[CoffeeBean]

I apologize in advance, but if there's a thread on this, I can't find it.

I'm new here.  I've been playing golf consistently for about two years, and have whittled my handicap to 20 from whatever it was when I was shooting in the 130s.  My usual score is in the high 90s-low 100s for the last year.  Until yesterday. 126.  Ouch!

My partner and I (he's a male colleague) were paired with another couple (husband/wife team) since the course we booked was insanely busy.  Suddenly, I forgot how to swing.  The Yips started at the tee box and followed me all the way to the green.  At one point, I wasn't even on the green after 10 (counting two water landings), so I just picked the ball up and carried on.

I'm pretty sure I lost it when I saw the male stranger (probably in his late 60s/early 70s) tee off from the Golds (Senior's tee) with a 4-iron better than I could ever hope to with a driver.  Note that I'm pretty sure he was playing from the Golds because that's where my partner tees off.

I have two questions:  #1:  Since there is no apparent matching of skill level when pairing occurs, how do you adjust for the discrepancy when you know you're up against semi-pros at the first tee?  #2:  How do you get over the Full-Course-Yips (if such a thing exists!)?

[The Youngblood]

Relax! I used to have the same problem playing with people more advanced than me. Don't worry so much about them and play your own game. Golf is so much about confidence it's ridiculous! My dad and I got stuck with a high handicapper last week (he said he usually shot in 120's) and he only shot a 105 playing with us cause "we helped him focus more". I don't know how that works but he wasn't worried about how my dad and I were playing. Guess it's just a mind set.

[CoffeeBean]

Thanks, Youngblood.  It sounds like you and your dad made the other guy feel at ease.  I don't want to make excuses, or cast aspersions on anyone, but our partners didn't seem to welcome our conversation, or offer any of their own, so it wasn't exactly a venue for picking up helpful tips.

Keep doing what you're doing!

[MS256]

Just keep playing with strangers and eventually you will get more comfortable with it.

My wife has a friend that she plays with that's a pretty good golfer (high 80's to low 90s) but she has a tendency to lose her game when my son and I join them for a round.

She realizes that it's just something she's going to have to get used to and she always wants us to join them. She even played in our choose up game one week but she felt like she didn't contribute (I think she shot in the high 90s that day) and hasn't tried since (even though nobody in that game minded how she played).

[Hammer 4]

Just concentrate on Your game, don't worry what others think, say or do. Relax, and have fun.

[CamoCladWarrior]

like the others said try to focus on your next shot. Start to take notes on how the other players are managing the course and their shots. For me, if I have to play with a anti social golfer like you did I want to take something away from the round. Playing with good players will help to make you better.

[krupa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CamoCladWarrior

like the others said try to focus on your next shot. Start to take notes on how the other players are managing the course and their shots. For me, if I have to play with a anti social golfer like you did I want to take something away from the round. Playing with good players will help to make you better.

in·tro·vert

noun

: a shy person : a quiet person who does not find it easy to talk to other people

an·ti·so·cial

adjective \ ˌ an-tē- ˈ sō-shəl, ˌ an- ˌ tī-\

: violent or harmful to people

: not friendly to other people

For more information, watch http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html

To the OP.  I also have "stranger yips".  I just try to ignore my playing partners and focus on what I'm doing.  It's easier said than done, unfortunately.

[BENtSwing]

"Just playing YOUR game.." easier said than done for someone who is fairly new to playing golf. Also, it doesn't help that certain golfers (mostly older) think they have the right to ignore someone, or be downright rude, since they are better at golf. I've only seen this type of attitude at such an extreme level in one other sport..surfing. Something about this arrogant, insecure, Alpha-male attitude just poisons both sports on occasion. Basically...golfers just need to get over themselves. Everyone was a beginner at one point, and nobody cares how good you are, or how far you can hit your driver.

[Hammer 4]

"Just playing YOUR game.." easier said than done for someone who is fairly new to playing golf. Also, it doesn't help that certain golfers (mostly older) think they have the right to ignore someone, or be downright rude, since they are better at golf. I've only seen this type of attitude at such an extreme level in one other sport..surfing. Something about this arrogant, insecure, Alpha-male attitude just poisons both sports on occasion. Basically...golfers just need to get over themselves. Everyone was a beginner at one point, and nobody cares how good you are, or how far you can hit your driver.

Everyone has a mind of their own, the idea is to use it. Look, if you can't hang with playing with strangers, then get to know a couple of local golfers that have like minded interests, build a friendship with 2 or 3 guys, and play some rounds with them until you feel comfy on the course. When I first started I played golf with strangers every week, and I played at least 2 to 3 times a week, at first it's frustrating when you hit bad shots, but then everyone does. Unless your antisocial, or have problems meeting and relating to strangers, there shouldn't be  aproblem. If you are those things, maybe golf isn't your sport, or you may want to seek help in overcoming those things. At any rate, good luck.

[teed off]

Enjoy the opportunity of meeting new golfers, play your game and have fun!

[RonTheSavage]

I used to be the same way. I hated being paired up with strangers because I felt I wasnt good enough and would slow them down. Like a poster above stated just keep playing with strangers and you'll eventually get over it.

[MPtheKid]

When I first stated playing golf seriously I was really uncomfortable playing with anyone and tried to avoid it by playing during non-peak times. It will start to get easier to pair up as you play more and continue to improve. I actually don't mind getting paired up at all now and frequently do as I play a lot as a single.

[Meltdwhiskey]

I used to be the same way. I hated being paired up with strangers because I felt I wasnt good enough and would slow them down. Like a poster above stated just keep playing with strangers and you'll eventually get over it.

When I first stated playing golf seriously I was really uncomfortable playing with anyone and tried to avoid it by playing during non-peak times. It will start to get easier to pair up as you play more and continue to improve. I actually don't mind getting paired up at all now and frequently do as I play a lot as a single.

I agree with a combo of these.  When I took golf up a couple of years ago - I was super shy to play with people.  Totally didn't want to look like a dipshit for neatly laying a divot over the ball or blowing a putt 20 feet by.  HATED to be paired with strangers.  I could feel their eyes during my backswing.  But inevitably it happens.  Then, about the time I got obsessed with golf, 2 of my golfing buddies became parents, one moved, and the other became intolerable to play with and ended up joining a Country Club.

At this point I realized I would be on my own a good bit of the time if I wanted to play.  After just a couple months I quickly saw that weekend warriors

-are terrible at golf

- they make all the crappy shots I was afraid I'd make

- they make 9's

- and they don't give a rodent's hind quarter weather or not I hit a bad shot.

I now feel completely silly for being so tentative!  I now play with strangers more often than I play with my friends. And it never even crosses my mind to worry about them when I'm concentrating on a shot.  If I am playing with a buddy and he expresses hope that we don't get paired up - I have to remember back feeling that way.  I actually like getting paired up now.  It turns out that basically everyone is fighting the same problems and enjoying the heck out of being out there - just like me.

If you are a 20 cap, you're fine.  If you want to become more comfortable playing with others, you have got to go get reps with strangers.  A lot.  Maybe start with the non-peak times as stated above.  But this is just to make you feel more comfortable in the beginning.  Nothing wrong with jumping in with both feet either.  But to feel more comfortable with others, you need (or at least I needed) to play with others often, get some reps doing it, watch others play bad and melt down, etc.

As far as playing with someone really good - I'm sure they have seen it all.  There is always someone better.  But as a 20 cap, you aren't an embarrassment to the course.  You are probably an above average player.  If such a person is pissed they have to play with you - tough.  There are a lot more players out there at your level than his.

[CoffeeBean]

ALL of your replies have been helpful!  I'm very sorry to reply so late, but it's been an unusual week.

We could go on an on about this -- but it all boils down to simple psychology, albeit on many levels.  I intend to try again at the same course, and take with me everything suggested here.

Tomorrow, however, I'm going to reclaim my game.  More on that in the "What will you shoot tomorrow" thread.

Thanks again, everyone!

[march11934]

Probably getting into this thread a little late but i can relate to your issues. I was there...

1- You're still in the process of building confidence in your game so you might be getting self conscious if you struggle on the course. Remember, you're out there to have fun and develop your game. You hit one bad shot and its all down hill from there? You start trying too hard and the bad shots just get worse? One thing I would recommend when your playing like that is stop paying so much attention to yourself and each shot and focus more on the other players. I found it relaxing to watch partners play some good shots. You will also find that they are making occasional mistakes too, so go easy on yourself.

2- If you are making a T-time with a course, they generally tend to be familiar with the handicaps of the regulars. If you're looking to jump into a group you can ask if they can set you up with a group that will have similar handicaps. They understand all the issues of people that have to play together.

Hope that helps.

[Rick Martin]

Everyone has a mind of their own, the idea is to use it. Look, if you can't hang with playing with strangers, then get to know a couple of local golfers that have like minded interests, build a friendship with 2 or 3 guys, and play some rounds with them until you feel comfy on the course. When I first started I played golf with strangers every week, and I played at least 2 to 3 times a week, at first it's frustrating when you hit bad shots, but then everyone does. Unless your antisocial, or have problems meeting and relating to strangers, there shouldn't be  aproblem. If you are those things, maybe golf isn't your sport, or you may want to seek help in overcoming those things. At any rate, good luck.

Very good post - when I first started golfing, I used to join up with golfers all the time. Now that I think about it, I probably inserted myself into groups when I probably shouldn't have. But where I learned to golf up in the Northwest (Wa, Idaho, Utah) - that's what you did.   I've been playing for a long time now, and all of a sudden had a similar problem as the OP and will have to deal with it or give up the sport as you say.  Mind over matter, right?

[Bananarama]

have a beer with them first so they arent strangers anymore...

[boogielicious]

ALL of your replies have been helpful!  I'm very sorry to reply so late, but it's been an unusual week.

We could go on an on about this -- but it all boils down to simple psychology, albeit on many levels.  I intend to try again at the same course, and take with me everything suggested here.

Tomorrow, however, I'm going to reclaim my game.  More on that in the "What will you shoot tomorrow" thread.

Thanks again, everyone!

Good luck.  As you play more with people you don't know, it will be easier.  You will surprise yourself I am sure.  I have the opposite problem.  I have a close friend I play with a lot.  We have been friends since the 7th grade (1972).  I always play my worst with him!  I have only beat him once. I just seem to lose focus.  It is not a big rivalry or gamesmanship or anything else.  I just play worse. This year, we are finally in a league together, so I hope to conquer that.