Controlling anger on the course

As if my play isn't bad enough, hitting absolutely horrendous shots coupled with having insanely slow players ahead of me takes enjoyment to frustration to anger to rage in short order. Naturally, that affects what little game I have even more negatively and sooner or later I go from "I'm enjoying my round of golf" to "I can't wait to finish and go home."

I've played with people who have hit worse shots than I've ever have, and they just laugh about it or make a joke. After the 5th or 6th bad shot I can't laugh at myself anymore and I just start getting mad and slamming my clubs back into the bag or cursing to myself. I can also shamefully admit that I've helicopter'd a club or two (or three) in the past.

How do you guys keep negative emotions from affecting your enjoyment of your round? I'm particularly interested in higher handicap players like me who are more likely to have a reason to spend an entire round in frustration (3-4 consecutive snowmen on the scorecard) than a lower handicap player (getting a NASTY par to upset your string of 3-4 consecutive birdies... oh no boo hoo )

When I was a 34 handicap, I found a quote from one of the greats - I think it was Hagen - who said that he used to hit 7 bad shots a round. I figure if a legend of golf can hit 7 bad shots a round, I can't be upset until I've hit more than (handicap + 7) bad shots per round. Mark your bad shots in a separate column on your scorecard and when it reaches 41, you're allowed to be upset on the 42nd. But the rest is just your pro factor Alternately, remember when great pros hit specific bad shots. Just hit a tee shot O.B.? So did Tiger at the first round of the recent Match Play. Top a 5-wood? So did Jeff Sluman back in '06. Hit a bad shot out of the rough that stays in the rough not too far from you? Arnold Palmer and Phil Mickelson have been in that predicament too - and they're far better players than you are! Quite frankly, I enjoyed playing golf when I shot a 178 and when I couldn't break 100 on a par-3 course. If you don't like the snowmen on your card, keep score with smiley faces for your next few rounds. Your score for a hole = if you kept a good demeanor and enjoyed yourself. Your score for the round = total number of happy faces on your card. See if you can shoot an 18. Meanwhile, the only time I've thrown a club was when I holed out from the sand to save par. I tried to do a baton twirl with my gap wedge and hit myself in the head, thankfully with the grip end.

I used to really get pissed when I was putting bad shots back to back. I think I was getting to the point that the guys I was going with were starting to be done with me. I've since changed my outlook on the course. While I may get upset if I top/blade an iron shot, I have to shrug it off by the time I reach my next shot. I've learned to view each shot as a new chance to do something good. One thing that helped make a huge difference in my golf game mentally, was reading "Golf is Not a Game of Perfect". I'm normally not remotely into all the psychobabble self-help stuff, but that book really did change my view of the game.

I have been known to have quite a temper myself. Snapped a couple clubs and really just made myself miserable and my friends who were golfing with me.

The one thing that helped me was thinking of only the shot at hand. One shot at a time. I would visualize a brickwall in my mind blocking all of the shots before the one I was about to hit. It is not easy and takes discipline to be able to do this but it works and becomes easier the more you do it.

It is important to learn to let go of the bad shots. Also STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR SCORE. If you try to make the best shot you can on every shot your score will improve automatically. No need to worry about it.

Also watch the pros. They hit bad shots all the time! It is how they recover from it that matters.

This is pretty good. I would add one thing. Anticipate your frustration, have a planned response. Some people use a deep breath, a saying in their head (almost a mantra) a mental picture kids, the brick wall wisco uses,your mothers disturbed glance etc., and practice that response, non verbal is best according to research. This will allow you to make it a habit. When you get frustrated you start focusing on other things than your game, this distraction allows frustration to go from 3 to real anger in a hurry. When I taught anger management to people with real problems in this area they kept a log. I am not suggesting you do that, its overkill, but the planned response and practice elements still apply.

This time last year my handicap was around 30. When my round would inevitably start falling apart I would become disgusted and stop having fun. Like you, I just wanted it to end so I could go home. Finally, I realized it was getting me nowhere and that I had to change my outlook.

Now when I hit a bad shot, I do my best not to harbor on it. I think about the next shot and what I can do to minimize the damage done by the mistake. I find that if I fully commit myself like this to each shot, I don't have time to be disgusted by the shots that came before. You may be surprised how many "terrible shots" you can recover from to save par or (or bogey) if you really focus on the recovery instead of the mistake that put you there.

Enjoy your game.

That's what it is after all - a game.

Why do you play the game?

Read Golf Is Not A Game of Perfect by Bob Rotella.

You've got to teach yourself to stop focusing on outcome. Take responsibility for the shots you hit, find your ball and hit it again.

This may sound harsh, but what have you got to be mad about? Getting mad won't prove to anyone that you're better than the shot you just hit. Your index, and mine, indicate that we will hit bad shots. Lots of them, every time we play. The best player in the world still misses shots. Knowing this is the case, and really accepting it, will free you up to enjoy playing.

i started playing last year after getting a set of cheap clubs for christmas and by august, i had to buy some new gear as i snapped all 14 clubs in my bag (not on the same day). i have got some decent clubs now, although i snapped the 7 and 8 iron in the first week, but i have not snapped a club since, mainly because it cost £40 to reshaft them and i have still not got them back yet - from august last year. i cant help it, like when you are having a good round and all of a sudden, you play terrible on a hole and shoot something like 4 over par and your whole round is ruined. but i have since learned that a bad hole is not really that bad. last week, i had a few 3 putts, got an 8 on a par 4 and took 4 shots on one hole just to get out of a bunker (1st shot hit the face of the bunker and rolled back to my feet, 2nd shot thinned over the green into another bunker, 3rd shot hit fat and 4th i got it out, but only just.) i was something like 18 over on the front 9 but i recovered on the back 9 to finish 24 over par (94)

Niblick has this pretty well covered. I'll add something. A guy once told me while the steam was coming out my ears,

"You're not good enough to get mad." Made me laugh then and everytime we say it to each other in my group. P.S. I put that quote in green for the genius who hates that and left me a rep message saying "your a tool" (sic). Learn English before criticizing my posts.

I need to remember this

Thanks.

I struggle with this as well but I have never thrown a club or broken one...I just internalize my anger and bitch myself out when I hit a series of bad shots. This is not a good thing...I think I need to re-read "Golf is not a game of perfect". I usually can let one or two bad shots go but if I were to hit two balls OB on consecutive holes I get pissed. One thing I am trying to work on(besides my tee shots Ha!) is not focusing on the outcome (score)...I usually find that I shoot my best rounds when someone else keeps score...for instance a couple of weeks ago I am riding shotgun so I am not keeping score and we get to the 18th hole (par 5) and the guy in my cart tells me if I par this hole I shoot a 78 (good score for a 13 handicapper)...well instead of focusing on the tee shot and thinking about how to play the hole I pull out my driver and let her rip...well needless to say I shot an 81 that day with a four putt (big green) on 18. Dang! I was pissed OFF! Well I need to find a way to not focus on the outcomes and just concentrate on the thing I am in control of and that is the very next swing I make...hope this helps...

I think the people have covered this pretty well especially Wisco-Kid talking about the one shot at a time mentallity. That is tough though for some people, but I can't tell you how many rounds(myself included) that have been ruined by one bad hole that seems to snowball a round. I think that it is important to get your head back in the game once you have a disaster hole, go back to your normal preshot routine and concentrate on the shot at hand. Always try to minimize the damage after a bad shot too, just because you may hit a bad shot try not to compound it with another one, the round will get away from you real quick.

I feel that if all I'm doing is controlling my anger I'm sunk. The best thing to do is not allow obstacles get in the way of performing your next shot in a peaceful frame of mind.

As a recovering hot-head I try to separate myself from the frequent bad shots. They're in the past... nothing I can do about the past. What I can do is enjoy the round and the fact that I get to swing the club in the best possible way next time.

Scores don't reflect character.

I stand before you the (former?) king of beat-yourself-up. Ever since I was a kid, which is bitterly ironic, because I was routinely one of the best players on my teams. I was a football and baseball all-star, was a "player to watch" as a senior in hs, and played both sports collegiately. By the grace of God and my parents, I am a natural athlete. I could pick up mostly any sport, have really good hand-eye coordination, had speed (before the knees starting going), could jump and - in all modesty - I have a way above average throwing arm. All this, and despite also being a straight-A, high-SAT, super-selective-college student, I finally had to admit to myself not long ago, that I was incredibly deficient mentally. This is why I love golf so much.

See, it's a curse when you get by for so long. Most sports can be brute-forced. As a quarterback and pitcher, I didn't understand ther opponent like I should have, I would just throw it past people, e.g.. I picked up golf and though I would eventually just figure out how to have such a great swing that it would be all I needed, made worse by the fact that people told me I had a "great-looking swing" since I first picked up the game. I thought that meant I would just get really good any day now... Bad shots would INFURIATE me. I would tell myself I could leave them behind, but I was lying. I would constantly pick unforgiving shot targets/plans, then get frustrated when I didn't execute them. I'd be even more unrealistic in my recovery shots...and round and round.

The power of the mind to control not only your focus and attitude but your PHYSICAL abilities is nearly unfathomable. Look at pro stats on FH and GIR - what, maybe 50% and 65%, respectively? They only hit every other fairway and miss 1 out of every 3 greens. The hole is not over until it's over. Miss the fairway? Hit your second "up there" and focus on making a great chip, then a par putt. Miss the green? Get up and down! Tiger makes pars from waste bunkers for cryin' out loud.

It's not a matter of saying it's ok to hit poor shots. It's that each shot requires humility and control. Say I'm 110 yards out, middle of the fairway, green light pin. I sit with my PW, and think "I should hit this close." Yes, I should, but where might I miss? Have I been pushing shots all day? Am I expecting to muscle this or is it enough club by far? Say I make all the right decisions and still push it right, maybe even in the sand. I can hole that out, I can get it close and still tap in for par....

I guess it comes down to this: golf is about the PROCESS. It's the ultimate cart before the horse. You have to play like you're good before you are, while allowing yourself to be however bad you are. I've come to find that, I get the most enjoyment when I keep my head about me. That is, when I stopped thinking about my score and my swing, I was finally able to progress.

In short, when you set your sights on doing the things that you THINK will make you calm (hit great shots, score great), it's unlikely you really will. When your goal is staying calm and focused, you'll do things to that end, and the other things will follow.

You know it is true and when I hit a bad shot I just remember that I am not doing this to make a living. It is a game. Whenever I start to get mad, inevitably it is my ego that is getting bruised. No one really cares how good or how bad you are, it is a game. When I can remember that, I start to have fun and when I have fun I relax and play so much better. I ditto everything on the Rotella book as well. After reading it, I changed my whole philosophy on the course.

Theway I think of it is this: When I hit a bad approach shot, I say, "That's why we get to practice the short game!" It makes bad shots into more of a joke and also prepares and boosts confidence for the next shot.

Above all, get out of your mind's way. You are only going to get mad if you anger takes over your subconscious.

One way to think about slow play is this. THey paid to play one way or another. Them playing slow allows you to stay outside and play the game you love a little longer. Granted, most of us prefer an unobstructed pace of play, but the world isn't perfect and there have benn times where we have held up the group behind us looking for a ball.

One last thing, I never even consider making a statement about slow play until about hte fifth hole. I like to give people time to "warm up their legs".

In Rotella's next book he should write a chapter on how to deal with slow play. LOL.