Useless Golf Gifts

We all have those inlaws, coworkers, etc that are trying to be nice and buy you a golf related gift.

What is the most useless golf related gift that you have gotten that is still sitting in its original packaging years later gathering dust?

Some weird golf game using coins they looked liked they picked up from Big 5. If you do something, you get a coin with X amount of points...positive points for good, negative for bad...and at the end of the round the one with the most positive points wins. There is a bunch more weird stuff in between, I just forgot what I read off the back of the box. Still sealed in the box somewhere burried in my closet

a box that holds about 50 golf balls that you fill up at the range. Give he box a tap with your club, and an arm swings down to drop a ball on a tee for you, saving you having to bend down. It's still in the box and will never be taken out...

My wife, bless her insane Irish soul, loves me very much. When I was * cough * "forced" to take up golf a couple of years ago (my boss needed someone to play with) she didn't bat an eye. We both race motorcycles - it's how we met - and used to make fun of "those idiots who think something as boring as golf is a 'sport', hahahaha!" And now I was one of those idiots. I thought it would be the end of my marriage.

Instead, she graciously gritted her teeth every time I'd come home and regale her at length about my latest attempt to stop hitting shots fat, or how I was considering modifying my left arm position to improve my overall swing plane. And god knows how she kept from exploding when I decided to get custom fit and attempted to school her in the details of shaft flex and kick points, but she didn't. She would just pat my head and say "That's nice, dear" then put on her helmet and take off into the woods.

She even tried to learn the lingo, suprising the hell out of me last year when I was watching some tournament. Walking by the TV and stopping for a moment, she watched some pro hit his tee shot and popped up with "Nice draw!" And she was right - it was both nice AND a draw. So she's outwardly giving moral support to her mate, even while probably inwardly dying a little every day.

But...she still has no concept of what makes a good golf gift (ie: Beer Cart Girl Calendars). So for instance I now have one of those all-in-one "Golfers Tools". It's a Nerf football sized Swiss Army monstrocity from which you unfold a divot tool, spike wrench, bottle opener, brass bristle brush, groove sharpener, leaded pencil, nylon bristle brush, magnifying glass (?), tee caddy, and four or five things I still can't identify. It's made of stainless steel - all of it - weighs three pounds and comes with a belt clip. It tips my rinky-dink pull cart over when I attach it. She also gave me a lime green baseball cap that says "GOLF IS THIRSTY WORK!" in orange embroidery, and has those can holders on either side with ridiculous (er..."hilarious") twisty straws that cross right in front of your eyes and jab you in the lip. She thought all casual golfers need this sort of hydration.

Silly as those were, the absolute WORST thing she got me, if only because it was so sincere and took so much effort, was the golf towel she made me. For all her tough grrrrl motorcycle racing ferocity, she's also rather inexplicably into cross stitching (some sort of decorative sewing thing). So for weeks she worked on designing and stitching an elaborate golf figure onto a very expensive square of high tech cross stitching fabric. She even remembered to affix a round metal gromit insert. On my birthday she proudly presented it.

It's beautiful.

It really REALLY is beautiful. There are 14 different shades of silk thread knotted in tiny, intricate patterns to form a 7-inch tall golfer at address. The background material is something they sell at museum supply houses, I think. It's a painstaking work of art.

Do you know how absorbant high tech cross stitching fabric and silk thread is?

Wiping a wet club with that towel is like wiping it with a sheet of glass. There is no affect whatsoever.

But...my non-golf-loving wife made it for me knowing I would be proud to hang it from my bag. So it hangs from my bag.

Or rather: it hangs from my bag when it leaves the house. At the course I pull a plain black terry towel from a pocket and wipe goose shit off my clubs with THAT. I may not know much about Art, but I know what I like in a golf towel. And it's not silk cross stitched.

Fortunaltly, in the last few year I have trained all those around me to just get me a gift card to our local golf store.

I was given a gizmo that hangs on your belt. You can program it with the par for each hole on the course. It then keeps score and god knows what else. I tried to use it twice and gave up. A scorecard and pencil is easier.

I persoaly would love to get a handmade golf towel even if it is not useful, it shows that the person that made it cares about me and my interests and is willing to put in the time to make something unique for me. I bet that Sherpat has that towel longer that he has his current set of irons and he probubly values that towel more than his irons.

I've been fortunate enough to receive very few golf related gifts. Those who buy me gifts understand that I'm very selective with what I use on the course. I have never received a golf related gift that I didn't ask for.

The only instance where I was pushed to use something I didn't want was when I was in the market for a new golf bag. My father kept trying to pawn off his TaylorMade bag to me, but I wasn't a fan. I stood my ground and bought my own.

Camo golf balls.

They go well with my suction tees - ball guaranteed to never fall off.

That has to top the list of the most useless golf gift.

That has to top the list of the most useless golf gift.

a golf tee time coupon book, with not a single course within 500 miles of me, lol.

Golf Ball monogrammer. Not worth the effort to carve my initials into the side of a golf ball.


One of those little clicky things that you are supposed to use to keep track of your score on each hole. Like an Umpire's counter for really bad golfer's.


It's totally the thought that counts, so I can't really fault anyone for these gifts... but they sure are useless.

I generally don't like getting golf balls, because inevitably people buy me balls I don't play. I just feel bad they spent money on something I likely won't use. I have a whole garage shelf full of balls.

I've totally seen them before. Sweet spot finder or some crap? What a bogus idea.

Yeah....it's nearly impossible to get the line drawn like the pic shows. Balls end up like my 7 month old coloring one....lol