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Playing partner dilemma


ZaPPPa
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A friend of mine introduced me to the game of golf about a year ago. Like many on this forum I got totally hooked on the game and practiced whenever I could. He is about a 7 handicap, according to his posted rounds, so at first I listened to his advice pretty closely and it helped me out.. for a while.

However, things are becoming different now. I am of the school that practice makes perfect, so I spent many (and I mean MANY) hours on the range getting my basics down and developing a reasonable foundation. I practice chipping, pitching and putting diligently. I read books on strategy, course management, technique and you name it. I am analytical by nature and so that is how I approach the game. The only thing I haven't done is taken lessons (which I probably should do).
He calls himself a 'feel player'. He doesn't practice at all, does not take lessons, does not read any articles or books. That's all fine by me.. to each his own.

So, I played a couple of 9 hole rounds last year and shot anywhere between 110 and 120. Then over the winter he didn't play or practice, but I practiced several times per week. This spring we started going out to play again and I shot a 96 the first time out. The second time I went by myself and I shot 92.. and then he started questioning me. He seemed like he didn't want to accept that I shot that low. Again, I spent countless hours practicing over the winter. So, we go out together today. I play pretty good the first couple of holes and then I notice he is starting to keep track of all my shots. He starts making little remarks about me not lining up properly (although I have explained several times that I close my stance with woods to keep my fade in check). He starts questioning my club selection, my shot choice and you name it. We end the round and he asks what I shot. I counted 94 (I use Wireless18 on my BlackBerry). He goes and says that he is suspicious and thought I had shot higher than that. I could be off by a stroke perhaps, but I counted all my penalties fairly and double checked my number of putts.

To top it off he said that "I am not fun to play with.". This was after I teed two balls into a lake, skulled a bunker shot over the green and skulled it coming back. Yes, I was upset after taking a 10 on a par 4. It ruined a great round so far (potential mid-high 80's). When I am upset, I take my distance from the group and cool down..I do not curse in front of everyone. He, to make this story more interesting, was throwing clubs left and right all round.

All this is getting on my nerves. I keep wondering if he's trying to get in my head on purpose and he doesn't want me to make progress or if he's trying to help in his own special way. I told him before that I won't listen to swing advice on the course because I'll play with what I have that day and make the best of it.. He backed down a little bit, but the little jabs keep coming.

So, I wonder.. Has anybody here dealth with something like this before and should I even bother playing with him? I am at a point that I feel more comfortable playing with strangers because I know I will not be judged or questioned. Or, perhaps you think I should stop whining like a baby and just ignore it.. I will admit one of the reasons of writing this post is pure venting.
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Sounds like he's just jealous/insecure/narcissistic and the only way he can feel good about himself is if he's better off than you are. So he's trying to look for things that suggest that.

I mean, questioning the credibility of your score? That's ballsy, man. I don't know him and your specific relationship with him but I would seriously question if he's even a real friend to you.
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10.Wear your iPod and ignore him. Eventually, he'll get the idea.
9.Clank your bag down in his down swing, often. Then sarcastically apologize for your lack of understanding of golf etiquette.
8.Talk ish on his game/temper/lack of etiquette. Compliment him on his genius advice when he makes a bad shot
7.Buy him a book on golf etiquette.
6.count his strokes, and penalize any and all rule violations.
5.Ask him politely to stop the nonsense. Repeat as necessary.
4.Stop taking advice.
3.Deal with it.
2.Stop playing with him.
1.Beat him at golf, that should do the trick...

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Sounds like he's just jealous/insecure/narcissistic and the only way he can feel good about himself is if he's better off than you are. So he's trying to look for things that suggest that.

The thing is that he is way better than I am and I have told him repeatedly that I would love to be able to play to his handicap, but I can't. I only wonder how much better he would be if he'd practice regularly, devote time to strategy and work hard on fixing this nasty push he has developed over the last couple of months). I mean, he can drive close to 300 yards, but his FHit percentange is down in the 20-30%. I would hit the range every single day until I fix it, but that's me.

I mean, questioning the credibility of your score? That's ballsy, man. I don't know him and your specific relationship with him but I would seriously question if he's even a real friend to you.

He is a colleague, a peer. We're pretty much golf-friends only.

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I'm not sure what to do about this guy but you will want to widen your golf buddy network. Start playing with other people. It's good for your game.
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Jay-Bird has the right idea. You gotta beat him lol. You gotta break down your game, and stuff it back in his face with a win. Seriously, if you guys have been playing for a while, it shouldn't stop you from continuing so, even if his attitude is a bit annoying. It's probably a quick little phase but I'm sure if you try to take it constructively it would smooth over even quicker. Like when you hit an errant shot, you could point out what happened wrong and maybe he'll say some kind of stupid advice, and you could just pretend that you got something from it. Half a round of golf, and it should start seeming like a one way conversation and he'll eventually lay off. If he's really being a jerk to you all the time, just don't call him anymore.
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Jay-Bird has the right idea. You gotta beat him lol. You gotta break down your game, and stuff it back in his face with a win. Seriously, if you guys have been playing for a while, it shouldn't stop you from continuing so, even if his attitude is a bit annoying. It's probably a quick little phase but I'm sure if you try to take it constructively it would smooth over even quicker. Like when you hit an errant shot, you could point out what happened wrong and maybe he'll say some kind of stupid advice, and you could just pretend that you got something from it. Half a round of golf, and it should start seeming like a one way conversation and he'll eventually lay off. If he's really being a jerk to you all the time, just don't call him anymore.

it's childish to think that way..but if your "friend" is jealous and shows it of the results of your hard work and dedication... then he deserves a good ASS WHOOOOPIN!

This guy I know, started playing golf when he was 15, and he's in his 30's now. when I started, I met him and we started going out to the course together. it was cool...i was going out to have fun... but he was better than me... but still at a 15 hc (after like 20 years in the game).... we got into it during my 2nd year last year b/c i had a terrible round...was pissed off at myself.... was playing stupid shots.... he told me you'll never be good so don't beat yourself up (meanwhile i was already a 10 hc...just having a crap ass day). so this year, my goal is to play him, give him strokes, and still wreck the shit out of him. shake his hand... smile and say nice round buddy... childish i know..but dude said some hurtful sh** to me
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The guy's a jerk. It sounds like he enjoys playing with you because he thinks he's better than you. Your practicing and improving doesn't fit in with that mentality so he's subtly trying to bring you down. I try to avoid people like this much less play golf with them. If getting out of playing with him is awkward (because of work), then just realize that this guy isn't your friend and ignore him. It's not that hard to do. If your group is riding don't ride with him. If riding with him is unavoidable walk. You don't have to be a jerk about this either, just casually avoid him and keep conversations short and to the point.

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Golf should be a source of enjoyment not be a burden. If you don't enjoy playing with him, find new golfing partners. If he turned you onto golf, turn a friend onto golf.

Craig 

Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

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Kind of surprising honestly.

Regular golfing buddy or not, as a 7HC he should know better - no one likes swing tips unless asked for.

:P
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I think it's unanimous. The guy sounds like a jerk.

That said, I will say that It's possible for it to come out in all of us once in awhile. I am guilty myself of occasionally taking a perverse pleasure in the misfortune of my playing partners (good friends) and I am sure they grin a little inside when I flub one into the drink. We are competitive and want to win. Of course, I am not outrageously better than most of the people I play with so we have tight matches. I think the few guys I play with the most would agree that I am, generally, the better golfer, but they know that they are only a few good strokes to a few of my mishits away from beating me.

At the same time, we are all congratulatory of good shots and supportive of each other. I want to see them do well, I just want to do better. :)

If the guy is no fun to play with, don't play with him.

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you sure it just wasnt one day? Maybe he was having a bad day or week or is stressed out or something.

For some people it can bother them if they have always thought of themselves better at something than somebody and arent used to people coming a long and getting better than them. Its definately an insecurity problem.
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Play with a different friend or by yourself.

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start giving him advice and see how he likes it. Or if he mentions that you are no fun to play with, let him know just how childish it is to toss clubs and throw a fit. Best thing to do is find other people to play with and be done with it.

My swing thoughts:

- Negative thinking hurts more than negative swinging.
- I let my swing balance me.
- Full extension back and through to the target. - I swing under not around my body. - My club must not twist in my swing. - Keep a soft left knee

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Ok so he’s a decent golfer, but has a bad attitude. He doesn’t take lessons or advice, and doesn’t practice. He’s just bummed because at some point you are going to pass him in skill level and he sees it. He is not willing to improve his game by practicing, and thus knows you will catch up. So you have gotten in his head in a big way. This is going to hurt his game even more. I would keep practicing and playing with him, and sit back and enjoy his mental breakdown.

Side note, I tend to think that someone who accuses you of lying with out any evidence, has probably lied about his score. Typical response from a guilty conscience. Happens a lot when a spouse cheats on the other. His conscious makes him mad at the innocent party, so he/she will begin accusing the other of infidelity. Just saying. Does he really shoot that low, or is he just trying to make sure his number is “x” amount below yours?

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Hibore XLS 22* 3i Hybrid
TA7 irons 3-PW, SW
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I say challenge him... stroke play or whatever... maybe put down some money as well. Either you'll win or lose... If you win he might get so pissed that 1) he'll not want to play with you or 2) he'll just shut up. If he wins, all of his odd insecurities will go away and he'll be well.. normal again. Sounds like an odd ball though.

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start giving him advice and see how he likes it. Or if he mentions that you are no fun to play with, let him know just how childish it is to toss clubs and throw a fit.

After I hit a fairway dead-center and he pushed his third shot into the woods, I offered him some lessons for $50 an hour.. So, perhaps I do deserve some of the remarks he gives me ;)

Also, I have been known to toss a club or two. But things must be really bad for that to happen (2 skulls/shanks in a row for example). I have not broken several clubs over my knee during a round like he did once.
Side note, I tend to think that someone who accuses you of lying with out any evidence, has probably lied about his score.

He has. He admitted yesterday that he posted several ficticious bad scores to get his handicap up for tournament season. He also always seems to hit low 70's when I am not around and low 80's when I am.

I think I'll just start playing as a single from next week on. If he wants to tag along he can, but I am not going out of my way to make appointments with him anymore. I'm still relatively new to this area and I don't mind playing with strangers. If I manage to reach my goal for 2009 and break 90 without him and he doesn't want to believe it, so be it.
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I'll be a contrarian here defend your buddy a little bit. There is a certain tipping point where playing with people MUCH worse than yourself becomes a drag. It's distracting and destroys the tempo of the game. I am about the same skill level of your friend and I play with people worse than me all the time, but I could not play regularly with someone who shoots over 100. I play now and then with friends who are pretty bad, but I regulate how often I do that.

I suggest you play with other people closer to your skill level until you have more control over your shots. It will be better for your game to play with players maybe 3-4 clicks better than you, but not so much better that you feel too much pressure. Sometimes I get paired up with someone who is shanking and topping and missing the ball and I know it is no fun for them because they get pretty self-conscious.

On the other hand if you play your buddy for 25 cents a hole he will probably find it much more enjoyable!

SubPar
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Note: This thread is 5470 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

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