Re: Golf Jokes Master ThreadIn October of 2009, Jonathan Papelbon was taking an earlier than expected vacation in Kiawah Island, SC. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to the Cassique Golf Club, a nearby private golf course.
He arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get on.
"Sure," said the Pro, "What's your handicap?"
Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, its 16," said Papelbon.
"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone?" he asked.
"It's very important for us to know," said the pro, who then called a caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the pro, "His handicap is 16."
Papelbon was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap.
The caddy picked up Jonathan's golf bag and a large rifle.
Again, Papelbon was surprised but decided to ask no questions.
They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid those trees on the left," said the caddy. Needless to say, Jonathan duck-hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand. "That's the Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, the most poisonous snake in Kiawah Island. You're lucky I was here with you."
After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par 5. "Avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy.
Of course, Papelbon's ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once more, and a large bobcat fell dead at his feet. "I've saved your life again," said the caddy.
The 3rd hole was a par 3 with a lake in front of the green. Jonathan's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the water and bit off much of his right leg.
As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly.
"Why didn't you kill it?" asked Papelbon incredulously. "I'm sorry sir," said the caddy, "this is the 17th handicap hole, you don't get a shot here!"