or Connect
TheSandTrap.com › Golf Forum › The Clubhouse › Golf Talk › Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip - Page 4

post #55 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by mdbuschsr View Post
And people wonder why I got my wife into golf. Some ridiculed me for doing so. Before, she didn't understand why I loved the game so much. Now, she asks when we can go again.

We have a different relationship than most (NO, not like that), we actually encourage each other to have alone time. But on the rare occasion that either of us feels passionately about whatever, and says "no, not this time" the other is likely to listen. We certainly don't have a perfect marriage, but I'd wager it's closer to perfect than most.

I don't want to come across as a jack-ass, but if you take some of the advice I've read from those that are obviously not married w/ children, you are truly foolish. And to those of you that are not yet married... Continue with your current philosophy and you will lead a very lonely life.
My girlfriend and I seem to have a relationship modeled similar to yours. It's why I'm ring shopping right now. She's not scared to tell me "I need you there" and when it's not important I'm not scared to tell her "I dont wanna do xxx" either way we try to bring some understanding into it. There's plenty times I DONT get why I need to do something but.. Happy wife, happy life. So I do it and 99.9999% of the time she was right. I've yet to find the .00001% where im right.
Pick your battles I guess.
post #56 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

I think she compares it to "He would rather do X, than spend time with the family." .
I ••••ing hate when a wife/GF does this. It is a huge turnoff and makes me even want to play more than I already do (47 rounds so far this year)
post #57 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

People are different, so it's not unusual for one set of rules or agreements to work for one couple, yet doesn't work for the other. Outline what each "sides" want and negotiate a suitable compromise.

That being said, IME, the REAL reason you're getting grief is not because it's your children. Rather, it's her. She wants YOU to go with HER to watch the children. She wants to share that experience with you. She's just projecting her wants/needs onto the children. Not that I'm any expert, but spend some time with just your wife without the kids. Maybe every coulple of weeks, get someone to sit with the kids and take her out somewhere. It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive. This gives her an opportunity to talk to you about her feelings and emotions. One caveat though, don't correct her on anything she says. She's not looking to be corrected or educated. The whole point is to share, not be "enlightened".

If you show her that she matters to you, then who knows. Not only is there a chance you'll be playing more golf, you could get laid more too =).
post #58 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Just on a side night, if you want to spice up your night, tell you wife "There is a thread on the Sandtrap I think you should read."
post #59 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by Chief Broom View Post
The guy you need to hear from is the guy who knows how to keep his wife happy.
You won't find this guy on the golf course. hahaha. JK. I juggle both. My single friends play 100 holes a week and 2-4range nights a week and shoot low 70's. I shoot high 90's but i'm not as lonely as they are.
post #60 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Dude, forget all this crappy marital advice - you need to get some junior clubs for those kids ASAP.
post #61 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by c. lassiter View Post
Dude, forget all this crappy marital advice - you need to get some junior clubs for those kids ASAP.
That's what I'm talkin' about!!!

My daughter's first club (7 iron). She doesn't really know how to hit it....but she's only 20 months now....got a boy on the way!

Attachment 2379
LL
post #62 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by jlh1508 View Post
I am a Pastor and offer marriage counseling, pm me to discuss rates and scheduling
No offense to you personally but unless you are degreed & certified by the state with a license, I've seen & experienced those in the clergy that try to counsel make things worse. One example is the pastor I trusted for 35 years. I pray you're not one of them.
post #63 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Why is it that some women try to lay out the ol guilt trip when we are doing things we enjoy. My X use to do that. I did say X!
post #64 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

I've been down the road of having a wife that resented me playing lots of golf. And it wasn't totally unfounded. When I first got into playing "serious" golf I spent a lot of weekends gone for considerable time. When I was playing in tournaments, if I had a 9:00 tee time, in her mind, I should be home by 2:00. Round should take 4 to 4 and half hours to play, then come straight home. Well, the rounds would take 5 to 5 and a half and by the time I got home she'd be pissed. You see, we had four children. So over time I got some perspective and didn't play quite as much. I had to pick and choose the most important ones I wanted to play in. And she would be a little more understanding. But missing the first day of school? Never had that one to deal with. But if this is super important to you, you should play. There are 13 first days of school in your child's life as well as other "Firsts" that if you prioritize correctly, you won't have to miss. Did you see your child's first steps? Many dads miss that while they are working. I think she's making too much of this. But that's just my opinion. The advice I have for you is in the future, as the kids get older, get them into golf. Then she will be ASKING you to spend more time at the golf course with the kids. My wife now kicks me out the door to take my youngest to play (he's now 17 and a 4 handicap). I wouldn't probably play as much as I do now if it weren't for my son. Go kids!!
post #65 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by jlh1508 View Post
I am a Pastor and offer marriage counseling, pm me to discuss rates and scheduling
dude, are you f'n serious? first of all, the title ''pastor'' doesn't give you any authority to be counseling couples, and doesn't automatically gain you respect. secondly, this is a peer sight, so we don't solicit others for money unless we're selling equipment,etc., in which case both parties have something tangible to offer.
post #66 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

edit- not my business
post #67 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Sure I remember my first day of school, I woke up got dressed, felt excited to go to school got on the bus, went through the drill, and about 4 years later started to think just like every other kid that school sucked. But yes Moms enjoy that sort of stuff, mine still has a picture of like my first visit to Santa or something, and holds onto it like it's the last golf ball on Earth.
post #68 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

look, i love playing golf as much as the next guy but sometimes it is A) too much, or B) taken too seriously. and i think one has to look at either A or B if it starts interfering with relationships.
post #69 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Im single here so i guess dont understand women telling you what to do and so on. After you're married and have kids is not the time to decide to stop letting your wife tell you what to do and when to do it. This sounds very familiar to a friend i have, he has 3 young kids and the only time he ever gets to play is when he goes with me maybe 3-4 times a month, he cant even go alone. Ive known both of them for a long time but it seems she really resents anything he does, she makes being gone 4 hours sound like being gone 4 days. I live quite some distance from him, i always come and play near him even though i know he would like to play some courses near me. I think sometimes she resents the fact that he has any friends, I almost feel unwelcome at times. We're usually lucky to get to play 9 and then have to rush back. Unless you're playing more than 2 times a week, i dont think thats too much for anyone if you keep it local and arent gone all day. If i were in relationship, i would at the very start tell her that i like to play golf quite a bit and if shes not ok with that then Id find someone else. I would of course make time to spend with her but during the day id like to do my own thing. I know for many its ok until the kids come along, does change things. But you cant expect someone to completely abandon a hobby because of kids or anything else, or resent them for doing something fun. If doing something you like in moderation is not ok by your significant other, then you dont have a very strong relationship. You're not cheating, you're not doing anything immoral or illegal, and as long as its not a money issue you're just having fun enjoying life. If your sig other cant handle that, how would they ever handle any adversity in the relationship.
post #70 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by Greg View Post
Im single here so i guess dont understand women telling you what to do and so on. After you're married and have kids is not the time to decide to stop letting your wife tell you what to do and when to do it. This sounds very familiar to a friend i have, he has 3 young kids and the only time he ever gets to play is when he goes with me maybe 3-4 times a month, he cant even go alone. Ive known both of them for a long time but it seems she really resents anything he does, she makes being gone 4 hours sound like being gone 4 days. I live quite some distance from him, i always come and play near him even though i know he would like to play some courses near me. I think sometimes she resents the fact that he has any friends, I almost feel unwelcome at times. We're usually lucky to get to play 9 and then have to rush back. Unless you're playing more than 2 times a week, i dont think thats too much for anyone if you keep it local and arent gone all day. If i were in relationship, i would at the very start tell her that i like to play golf quite a bit and if shes not ok with that then Id find someone else. I would of course make time to spend with her but during the day id like to do my own thing. I know for many its ok until the kids come along, does change things. But you cant expect someone to completely abandon a hobby because of kids or anything else, or resent them for doing something fun. If doing something you like in moderation is not ok by your significant other, then you dont have a very strong relationship. You're not cheating, you're not doing anything immoral or illegal, and as long as its not a money issue you're just having fun enjoying life. If your sig other cant handle that, how would they ever handle any adversity in the relationship.
You were right about one thing. You don't understand. The Op's wife isn't asking him to give up golf. The OP could have avoided the whole situation if he would have checked when the final was. It has been on the GAM website all season long. When he was setting this up it isn't that hard to say, "if I make the final it would be on this day, do we have anything going on then?"
post #71 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Is his wife really being THAT harsh? I mean if the guy plays with you 3-4 times a month, that means he's playing once a week, which really isn't too bad... I think it's kind of normal for couples (bf/gf, husband/wife, dad/mom/kids, etc) to be spending time together. Playing golf once a week isn't like she's riding him for playing once a month... I think it's a decent amount and more than many dads/husbands get to get out there. I think that some of us on this site just have a different view on things due to being so obsessed with the sport. Playing any sport (skiing, soccer, hockey, golf, etc) once a week is a pretty good amount, when it comes to 2-3 times a week, it's normal not too be too thrilled about it when you're the other person. Relationships are about compromises. Why don't some of you try and get your wives/gfs/significant others to play golf with you instead? As a poster above said, once his kid started playing, all of a sudden it's something you do together. I started snowbaording and golfing with my gf and it's an awesome time we can spend together doing something and being outside on the weekends. No?
Originally Posted by Greg View Post
Im single here so i guess dont understand women telling you what to do and so on. After you're married and have kids is not the time to decide to stop letting your wife tell you what to do and when to do it. This sounds very familiar to a friend i have, he has 3 young kids and the only time he ever gets to play is when he goes with me maybe 3-4 times a month, he cant even go alone. Ive known both of them for a long time but it seems she really resents anything he does, she makes being gone 4 hours sound like being gone 4 days. I live quite some distance from him, i always come and play near him even though i know he would like to play some courses near me. I think sometimes she resents the fact that he has any friends, I almost feel unwelcome at times. We're usually lucky to get to play 9 and then have to rush back. Unless you're playing more than 2 times a week, i dont think thats too much for anyone if you keep it local and arent gone all day. If i were in relationship, i would at the very start tell her that i like to play golf quite a bit and if shes not ok with that then Id find someone else. I would of course make time to spend with her but during the day id like to do my own thing. I know for many its ok until the kids come along, does change things. But you cant expect someone to completely abandon a hobby because of kids or anything else, or resent them for doing something fun. If doing something you like in moderation is not ok by your significant other, then you dont have a very strong relationship. You're not cheating, you're not doing anything immoral or illegal, and as long as its not a money issue you're just having fun enjoying life. If your sig other cant handle that, how would they ever handle any adversity in the relationship.
post #72 of 92

Re: Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

Originally Posted by senorchipotle View Post
dude, are you f'n serious? first of all, the title ''pastor'' doesn't give you any authority to be counseling couples, and doesn't automatically gain you respect. secondly, this is a peer sight, so we don't solicit others for money unless we're selling equipment,etc., in which case both parties have something tangible to offer.
Amen Brother Senorchipotle, I am 100% behind you on this one, you just made my day with a good laugh....lol
Dang Pastor!! the guy was only telling us he just hated that kind of BS wives try to lay on you about golf, he not looking for a marriage counseling. The worst part about your statement is when you say “pm me to discuss rates” what kind of pastor are you charging to help others out because where I come from pastors dont charge for helping families out.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Golf Talk
TheSandTrap.com › Golf Forum › The Clubhouse › Golf Talk › Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip