Letting go of a golf buddy - Page 2

If you're such close friends, as it really seems that you are, then just tell him.  I have a friend similar to yours.  We've been friends since 5th grade and might as well be brothers.  If I was faced with such a predicament I'd just say "Dude, you golf like old people f***.  I love getting out on the course with you, but if you don't speed it up I'm going to slash your tires when we get back to the parking lot." 

Now obviously your choice of words doesn't need to be the same as mine, but when you've been such close friends with someone for so long, through thick and thin and sharing all kinds of crap together, you're friendship is clearly strong enough to survive such a truly minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things. 

I don't have the same expectations for every round I play. My rounds with golf friends are different from the rounds with friends that golf......if you know what I mean. Maybe you can change your expectations for those rounds?

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Originally Posted by shades9323 

Because you don't have to practice to have fun playing golf. Those of us who don't practice(myself included) are in the major majority of golfers. I am an 11.3 index.  I have only hit on a range a handfull of time in my 25 years of palying. I find much more joy actually playing.

 

I understand not wanting to practice.  But the guy said golf was a "frivolous activity"  if you don't care about golf, how could you have fun playing?

Aren't most forms of recreation frivolous activities? 

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Originally Posted by ochmude 

Aren't most forms of recreation frivolous activities? 

Guess i just have a different way of looking at it

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Originally Posted by SamW  That way the rounds will speed up a lot too because if you are on the green in 2 and he's busy hacking out of some rough he can just loose the hole and move on.

Match play is a pretty good idea.  The stakes could be beers in the clubhouse, but whatever, a pretty good idea. 

And you haven't said what makes him slow...lost balls, practice swings, never by his ball when it's his turn?  Exactly what makes him slow?  Doesn't sound like he's pacing off yardage.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ochmude 

If you're such close friends, as it really seems that you are, then just tell him.  I have a friend similar to yours.  We've been friends since 5th grade and might as well be brothers.  If I was faced with such a predicament I'd just say "Dude, you golf like old people f***.  I love getting out on the course with you, but if you don't speed it up I'm going to slash your tires when we get back to the parking lot." 

 

Now obviously your choice of words doesn't need to be the same as mine, but when you've been such close friends with someone for so long, through thick and thin and sharing all kinds of crap together, you're friendship is clearly strong enough to survive such a truly minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things. 

This is actually a good way to approach it.  Use a little humor but make sure your point is not lost in the humor.

I just had a situation in match this past weekend.  My partner and I spent over 5 minutes searching for our competitors balls on the first 4 out 6 holes. I did not saying anything directly but did say well I think 5 minutes is up etc... On about the 9th hole we now were looking for my drive.  I looked at my watch when we started looking and at 5 minutes I called off the search.  Our 2 competitors (who are very nice guys) said "no worries we can keep looking for a little while longer"  I said "no we can't.  The rules allow for 5 minutes. 5 minutes is up and the search is over."  We searched for their balls about 5 more times that round and never spent over 5 minutes.  From what I observed they took what I said to heart and possibly changed their ways for good.

To the OP I advise being honest.  I can't imagine your friend is having a whole lot of fun going out there and being beat by 40 or so strokes every time.  In fact most folks tend to gravitate toward playing partners of similar ability.  I bet your buddy spends as much time playing with you as he does because he feels he's obligated to go out there so you don't have to play alone.  If you explain that you've found some other folks who want you to play with them and who you think will help your game I'm sure he'd be happy to give up some of the time you two play together so that you could play with them and work on your game.  Still plan on playing with him regularly, in fact tell him you'll do your best to not let these new guys prevent the two of you from playing, but explain that naturally you'll have to cut back somewhat.  I think what you'll find happens is that your friend will be a little relieved to not have to play so much.  If he still wants to play as much with you as always, or seems to resent you playing with these new guys, explain to him how it's important to you to play in situations where the strict rules of golf are followed and that playing with guys who are better than you is something you need to do to improve your game.  If he still feels threatened by this (in other words that you're blowing off your friendship) try to spend time with your friend doing other activites so that he knows you still consider your friendship important.  If he's as good a friend as you say he will be willing to trade the time you need to improve your game doing other things together.  If he gets offended by this after you explain the importance of it to you I'd have to seriously reconsider the friendship in general.  If you continue to make the effort towards the friendship but he refuses to acknowlege that effort, then his priorites towards you are skewed.  I say all this because I have seen long time friends get a little bent out of shape over time spent golfing, but real friends respect honesty and if you continue to work on the friendship outside of golf you shouldn't have anything to worry about as you take steps to work on your game that don't include him.  Good luck.

     Quote:

Originally Posted by tmf9 

I'm sorry but if you feel that way about golf then why even play?

 

Because its fun and I find satisfaction in getting better.  Doesn't make it less frivolous.  Its still just a hobby that I spend my money on that really should not be taken too seriously if I dont make a living off of it.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmf9 

 

I understand not wanting to practice.  But the guy said golf was a "frivolous activity"  if you don't care about golf, how could you have fun playing?

I do practice.  I didn't say I don't care about golf, I said it was frivolous, unimportant, unnecessary for my well being.

 

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Originally Posted by ochmude 

Aren't most forms of recreation frivolous activities? 

Yes, unless you make money off of it somehow and support yourself/family.
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by tmf9 

Guess i just have a different way of looking at it

 

Or maybe you don't know what I meant by frivolous.
 

I would bounce the zero and pick up a hero...

I play with a below average golfer quite often but he's not slow and we always have enjoyable rounds. Now I have a buddy who I get out with probably 2 times a month and I had to tell him to stop inviting his work buddies. It had nothing to do with them being bad golfers but we play for money and they aren't big on penalty strokes. Basically if you hit a bad drive just hit another one, hit one that's probably OB just throw one down don't worry about it, or miss a 3 footer nah it was good. It gets better when you're done and they sit there talking about the 78 they shot and only once did I keep a real score they shot 96 and 98. That I can't stand especially when we are trying to play for money luckily my buddy understood and we just go out as a 2some.

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Originally Posted by gjsuicide 

Or maybe you don't know what I meant by frivolous.
 

 

People quit in frustration and nothing happens other than that they don't have to  "waste" time and money on golf any more.  Like you say, if you don't make a living at it, it's as trivial as any other hobby.  The frivolity should end at the first tee, though, in my preferred foursome.  I want my golf divorced from the real world.  I don't want to hear about fixing he deck, medical problems, or what happened on the job.  Complain about the wind, bad bounces, grain in the greens, all just fine.  Gloat about nice shots or even talk about players on the tour (another branch of the fantasy),  but let's play golf and keep the discussion on the trivial inside the bounds of the golf course.  I don't want to hear about actual problems when I'm trying to escape with 18 holes of golf.

To me frivolous means you dont care about it, but what do you mean by frivolous?

Tell him you found some guys that are into a real serious game and that you will be playing with them some of the time to take your game to the next level.  You still need to play with your friend, just cut it down to half the time you were playing with him. 

I don't get it.  Why can't you do both.  I play with all different kinds of people.  As long as they are not slow as molasses, who cares what they shoot.  I play golf with my wife.  She's not very good but she plays quickly.  She even has a hole in one to her credit.  Enjoy the game, enjoy the company.  I think thats the way it's meant to be.  

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Originally Posted by Stretch 

I would just start cutting down on the golf time with this mate and making it up in other areas. Hang out with him at the ball game or at the bar instead. From what you've said about how he plays, he's probably spending more time out on the course than he actually wants to anyway -- likely in an effort to be a good friend to you! 

this. just set up less and less rounds with him.

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Originally Posted by eaglelandings 

Thank you all for your answers, I really appreciate it. I think I will just come clean with him about his game and also tell him I have some other friends that I would also like to play with, and that I would like to practice more. That would shorten the amount of times we would be able to play a round.

 

To answer some of your questions.... I have tried giving him advice on the basic fundamentals of golf, but he doesn't want to learn or practice. I have also suggested that he get lessons. He say's he just likes getting out and hitting the ball. He played baseball in college. I don't know if that is what is throwing him off, but the way he shifts his weight is just plain awkward.

 

For those who inquired about "why can't I play with both groups".... I can't stand watching someone who doesn't better themselves. I myself actually enjoy practicing more than playing. I play around with my swing, stances, shots etc, and everyday I can see an improvement and I enjoy seeing those improvements. Once and a blue moon playing with my friend would be fine, but in a set schedule I feel that it actually slows me down.

Your reasons sound a bit pretentious to me. As does your giving him unwanted advice and expecting him to heed it. Are you insinuating that playing with him regularly slows your improvement?