Playing Partner

THollenden · October 25, 2012

I started playing about a year ago and i played 18 maybe twice but played 9 many times. The problem I have is that I always play with my father in law. I love him but he is a fast ball player. He worries more about everything else but us playing. He always wanted to hurry up and get done. I talked to my wife and mother in law, they said something and I feel took resentment to it. I want to find a group to go out with here in NC that is more my speed until I get better at.

Any advice anyone can give on a place to find a group or do about my father in law? someone told go out as single walker and get paired up that way.

**RFetters** · October 25, 2012

Just walk on a course that your father in law doesnt play.

Another idea, drive yourself to the course, pay for 18, and just play the last nine holes as a single, if he only wants to play nine.

Be conviently unavailable when he wants to play,,and then go either earlier or later than he does.

Bottom line, you need to keep good relations with your in laws,,and wife,,so you need to use subtle methods to get the type of golf your would really like.

THollenden · October 26, 2012

good ideas. I have good relations with all of them. wife and mother in law are mad that he does cause the both know that i am still learning and know that he does this all the time even when people he knows and play with regular bases.

I am going to try to talk the wife and get out sunday to play if we are not busy or next saturday

**David in FL** · October 26, 2012

Give us some perspective here.... How long does a round with your father in law take? 9 and 18?

THollenden · October 26, 2012

well last we played it took us about 3 hrs. keep in mind that was with a cart but still shouldnt be that quick. he kept saying in the cart with the club we were using, dont put it away or clean it til we get to the ball or the next hole or even write down the score

**David in FL** · October 26, 2012

well last we played it took us about 3 hrs. keep in mind that was with a cart but still shouldnt be that quick. he kept saying in the cart with the club we were using, dont put it away or clean it til we get to the ball or the next hole or even write down the score

For 18 or 9?

**BuckeyeNut** · October 26, 2012

Originally Posted by THollenden

I started playing about a year ago and i played 18 maybe twice but played 9 many times. The problem I have is that I always play with my father in law. I love him but he is a fast ball player. He worries more about everything else but us playing. He always wanted to hurry up and get done. I talked to my wife and mother in law, they said something and I feel took resentment to it. I want to find a group to go out with here in NC that is more my speed until I get better at.

Any advice anyone can give on a place to find a group or do about my father in law? someone told go out as single walker and get paired up that way.

You need to keep pace with the group you are following..............end of discussion/no excuses. If it's an empty course and there is nobody to follow.......let your father-in-law know he goes to fast for your taste and don't play with him. 2 people in a cart on an empty course shouldn't take more than 3hrs to play 18 holes. If that's too fast for you.....don't play with him.

THollenden · October 29, 2012

Originally Posted by David in FL

For 18 or 9?

That time is for full 18.

Originally Posted by BuckeyeNut

You need to keep pace with the group you are following..............end of discussion/no excuses. If it's an empty course and there is nobody to follow.......let your father-in-law know he goes to fast for your taste and don't play with him. 2 people in a cart on an empty course shouldn't take more than 3hrs to play 18 holes. If that's too fast for you.....don't play with him.

I have told him that he pace it to fast for me and just gets mad. We are following the group in front of us and he was getting mad that he had to wait for them to go. I would with other ppl but i dont have anyone to go with

**David in FL** · October 29, 2012

That time is for full 18.

Sounds like I would enjoy playing with your father-in-law! BuckeyeNut is right. Anyone should be able to get around a course in 3 hours if they're not being held up. Having said that though, I can understand a newer player like yourself feeling rushed and uncomfortable. Unfortunately it sounds as if you're really caught between a rock and a hard place unless you get out and find yourself some golf buddies who prefer a little slower pace. Believe me, that won't be hard. Your father-in-law is in an absolute minority. The vast majority of recreational golfers dilly dally around a LOT slower than that....... The only other option might be to ensure you're playing a course that tends to be a little more crowded. Groups ahead of you will tend to slow you down, no matter how hard he wants to play faster.

**wadesworld** · October 30, 2012

Originally Posted by THollenden

well last we played it took us about 3 hrs. keep in mind that was with a cart but still shouldnt be that quick. he kept saying in the cart with the club we were using, dont put it away or clean it til we get to the ball or the next hole or even write down the score

Well, your father-in-law is at least partially right.

Sounds like you're doing some pet-peeve things that are irritating him.

After you've hit, you can get into the cart with your club, drive away, and clean it and put it away when you stop.

People writing down scores before pulling away from the green is a huge pet peeve of mine. Go to the next tee box and write them down there.

Leave your clubs, putter head cover and anything else you need either by the flag or on the way off the green. Having to run to the wrong side of the green to retrieve your clubs before walking off is poor planning.

If you're being dropped off somewhere or playing on a day that's cart-path only, be sure you take all the clubs you possibly can imagine you'd need. It's not hard to carry 6 clubs out to the middle of the fairway, and it's extremely frustrating to watch someone have to walk back to the cart because he didn't have enough sense to take but one club with him - the wrong one.

Just because Keegan Bradley can take 5 minutes to get ready for a shot, doesn't mean all golfers should. One or two practice swings should be plenty.

Always, ALWAYS have at least 2 golf balls in your pocket. There's no excuse for having to walk over to your cart after a bad shot.

After a bad shot, don't cuss, throw the club or do a "I'm so angry" dance. Watch your ball all the way down and pick out a landmark which will help you find it. If you believe it to be lost or OB, hit a provisional.

Rather than texting on your phone, help others in your group watch their balls so your whole group can be more efficient.

If you're waiting to hit a shot, either because of the group in front, or because another player in your group is hitting, don't just stand there idly. Get over your ball, choose your club, choose your line and be ready to go. After the other player hits, step up, take one practice swing and fire away.

Have a putting routine that is efficient. While everyone deserves time to putt, we're not PGA pros. If the line on your putt changes because the grass grew while you were going through your 37-step routine, you might want to learn to shorten it up.

I'm not saying you're doing all (or even any) of those things, but just think about your game and whether you're doing any of them.

If you're not guilty of any of those and are keeping pace well, then I agree, you need to either avoid playing with your father-in-law or just have a discussion with him and explain that you're feeling rushed and are more likely to hit more bad shots when you feel that way, which will make you go slower.

**AmazingWhacker** · October 30, 2012

Originally Posted by wadesworld

Well, your father-in-law is at least partially right.

Sounds like you're doing some pet-peeve things that are irritating him.

After you've hit, you can get into the cart with your club, drive away, and clean it and put it away when you stop.

People writing down scores before pulling away from the green is a huge pet peeve of mine. Go to the next tee box and write them down there.

Leave your clubs, putter head cover and anything else you need either by the flag or on the way off the green. Having to run to the wrong side of the green to retrieve your clubs before walking off is poor planning.

If you're being dropped off somewhere or playing on a day that's cart-path only, be sure you take all the clubs you possibly can imagine you'd need. It's not hard to carry 6 clubs out to the middle of the fairway, and it's extremely frustrating to watch someone have to walk back to the cart because he didn't have enough sense to take but one club with him - the wrong one.

Just because Keegan Bradley can take 5 minutes to get ready for a shot, doesn't mean all golfers should. One or two practice swings should be plenty.

Always, ALWAYS have at least 2 golf balls in your pocket. There's no excuse for having to walk over to your cart after a bad shot.

After a bad shot, don't cuss, throw the club or do a "I'm so angry" dance. Watch your ball all the way down and pick out a landmark which will help you find it. If you believe it to be lost or OB, hit a provisional.

Rather than texting on your phone, help others in your group watch their balls so your whole group can be more efficient.

If you're waiting to hit a shot, either because of the group in front, or because another player in your group is hitting, don't just stand there idly. Get over your ball, choose your club, choose your line and be ready to go. After the other player hits, step up, take one practice swing and fire away.

Have a putting routine that is efficient. While everyone deserves time to putt, we're not PGA pros. If the line on your putt changes because the grass grew while you were going through your 37-step routine, you might want to learn to shorten it up.

I'm not saying you're doing all (or even any) of those things, but just think about your game and whether you're doing any of them.

If you're not guilty of any of those and are keeping pace well, then I agree, you need to either avoid playing with your father-in-law or just have a discussion with him and explain that you're feeling rushed and are more likely to hit more bad shots when you feel that way, which will make you go slower.

I wish every new golfer would read this. It's totally frustrating to play with somebody who doesn't understand, among other things, the concept of "ready golf". I have this one friend who always rolls his eyes if somebody putts "out of turn" and never wants to let groups behind go through. I don't golf with him that much anymore but he is sometimes invited by this other guy I golf with.

Anyway - I think, to sum it up - you can play bad, just play fast. I think we should start complimenting each other on our efficient play as well as our good shots. like "man - nice spot to leave your wedge!" or "way to be ready to putt!".

Oh - one thing I would add to the excellent post above:

If you're shooting over 100 then your score doesn't really matter . .you don't need to play every stroke - pick up the ball when appropriate to maintain pace of play. Just hit the ball and have fun - you'll get better and then you can worry about your score.

**Mr. Desmond** · October 30, 2012

Originally Posted by THollenden

I started playing about a year ago and i played 18 maybe twice but played 9 many times. The problem I have is that I always play with my father in law. I love him but he is a fast ball player. He worries more about everything else but us playing. He always wanted to hurry up and get done. I talked to my wife and mother in law, they said something and I feel took resentment to it. I want to find a group to go out with here in NC that is more my speed until I get better at.

Any advice anyone can give on a place to find a group or do about my father in law? someone told go out as single walker and get paired up that way.

Gosh, mention it to the father in law, not his wife or your wife.

Hey, I'm a little slow on the course, and feel like I'm rushing when we walk together. Do I need to play alone until I get better?

**GixxerTed** · October 30, 2012

What part on nc are you in?

THollenden · October 31, 2012

i am in raleigh, gixxer.

I have talked to him about fast play and He just brushes it off.

I do shoot over 100 and i want to get better. When I play more, I can fast play but i think he doesnt remember that i am new to the game.

I want to get better where i can play fast ball.

**phan52** · October 31, 2012

Originally Posted by THollenden

i am in raleigh, gixxer.

I have talked to him about fast play and He just brushes it off.

I do shoot over 100 and i want to get better. When I play more, I can fast play but i think he doesnt remember that i am new to the game.

I want to get better where i can play fast ball.

There's a lot involved in keeping pace, not necessarily the need to play well. The important thing is to keep pace with the group in front of you. Just be ready to hit when it is your turn, take his cue on where to leave the cart around the greens, and know where the next tee is in relation to the green when parking the cart.

It may take a while to figure out what club to hit at any given time, but the golf course is not the place to figure out how far you hit a given club. Go to a range and try to figure out how far you can hit each club, and you may be more ready on the golf course when it is your turn to hit. As far as putting is concerned, if you haven't played much, that will probably take the most time to figure out but, again, don't try and firgure it out on the golf course. Work on your putting stroke on a practice green when you can and you will eventually develop a feel for it.

Or, just don't play with your father-in-law.

**GixxerTed** · October 31, 2012

Best advice i can give you is to play in a 4some with him. That will slow things down a bit and give you more time to do your thing. A 4 some just flows better on a busy golf course. My dad is the same. I play fast but he is always worried about the people behind or in front of us. when i bring 2 of my buddies all the issues are solved. Im in western nc or id invite you out one day.

THollenden · October 31, 2012

thanks gixxer. How far west?

the only way he will play with a 4some is with the group he plays with during the week. He lives in a 55+ active senior community and they only play with that group

**GixxerTed** · October 31, 2012

Originally Posted by THollenden

thanks gixxer. How far west?

the only way he will play with a 4some is with the group he plays with during the week. He lives in a 55+ active senior community and they only play with that group

Bout 4 hours man. I live in asheville.

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