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Everything is about to change

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 

I told SWMBO that I'd be ready for kids when I got my HC into the single digits but based on the experience of some of our friends she conned me into believing it was likely to take a while and we should get it rolling sooner.  Of course, it happened immediately, and there's not one but two kids in there.  I blame the golf gods.  

 

Kidding aside, I couldn't be happier or more excited.  I can't stress that enough.  Of course there's also terror, but mostly excitement.  Really.

 

But since this is a golf forum, I'll get to the point.  It works out well, I suppose, that they're due in July and my annual pass at my course expires in June.  I'm trying to convince SWMBO that it will be good for us to have some time away, i.e., that I'll play golf once a week at the crack of dawn, back before 10am, and then take over the kids so she should take some time for herself, etc.  Those conversations do not go well.  From those with experience, be honest, is my golf life over?

post #2 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsc123 View Post

I told SWMBO that I'd be ready for kids when I got my HC into the single digits but based on the experience of some of our friends she conned me into believing it was likely to take a while and we should get it rolling sooner.  Of course, it happened immediately, and there's not one but two kids in there.  I blame the golf gods.  

 

Kidding aside, I couldn't be happier or more excited.  I can't stress that enough.  Of course there's also terror, but mostly excitement.  Really.

 

But since this is a golf forum, I'll get to the point.  It works out well, I suppose, that they're due in July and my annual pass at my course expires in June.  I'm trying to convince SWMBO that it will be good for us to have some time away, i.e., that I'll play golf once a week at the crack of dawn, back before 10am, and then take over the kids so she should take some time for herself, etc.  Those conversations do not go well.  From those with experience, be honest, is my golf life over?

Congrats.

 

Do you have parents or in-laws to help? or sufficient funds for a nanny on those golf days?

 

If not, having two at a time, it is going to be tough if you want to play some golf, maintain the marriage and avoid resentment.

 

Experience tells me avoid going away for too long - hit the range at first for 2 hours and don't play a round (4+ hours) until you assess the situation. With two at one time ... you will still need a break. You will go crazy. 

 

Edited after further review, two children, and two ex-wives.


Edited by Mr. Desmond - 1/15/13 at 3:47pm
post #3 of 28

No.

 

I think it's important for each parent to maintain their own hobbies.

 

And in case you think I'm one of those parents who doesn't spend time with their kid, we spend perhaps more time with her than almost anyone else we know (it helps that I'm at home most every day - it'd be tougher if I worked a normal job). Most people seem to ignore their kids, while simultaneously stopping living the lives they want to live.

 

You choose to have a kid, so that's a part of the life you want to live, but I don't know of too many people who want that to be the ONLY part of their lives outside of work.

 

One of my hobbies is photography, and one of my wife's is scrapbooking, so that's a hobby in which we can involve the kiddo. :)

 

P.S. I have no experience with babies. My daughter was almost 18 months when I first met her, and was about 30 when my wife and I were married and bought our house.

post #4 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by dsc123 View Post

From those with experience, be honest, is my golf life over?

No.  And congratulations!!

 

Your golf life will change somewhat (maybe a lot) for a bit, but it's certainly not over.  (Of course, you might be too tired to even want to golf for the next few months until they learn to sleep through the night.)  I just work it into the schedule as best as I can.  I play once or twice a month - early in the morning is best because it doesn't take all day - I do most of my practice on my lunch hour during work, and I will sneak in an extra round during the week when the work schedule permits it.

 

And in a few years when the kids are old enough, and if they take an interest, you can golf even more than before and bring them with you!

 

One caveat:  twins might be a totally different story.  I've only dealt with one baby at a time (twice so far) :).

 

Good luck!

 

EDIT:  What does "SWMBO" mean?

post #5 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Desmond View Post

Do you have parents or in-laws to help? or sufficient funds for a nanny on those golf days?

 

If not, having two at a time, it is going to be tough if you want to play some golf, maintain the marriage and avoid resentment.

 

Experience tells me avoid going away for too long - hit the range at first for 2 hours and don't play a round (4+ hours) until you assess the situation. With two at one time ... you will still need a break. You will go crazy. 

 

Edited after further review, two children, and two ex-wives.

 

Thanks.  No in-laws within 500 miles, unfortunately.  We will probably get a nanny for the weekdays (cheaper than daycare for two), but probably not on my golf days.  

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by iacas View Post

I think it's important for each parent to maintain their own hobbies.

 

 

I totally agree with this.  I'll go crazy like mrdesmond said.  I think my best tactic is to keep mum for now, and ease her into it.  There is not rationalizing with a pregnant woman.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by iacas View Post

And in case you think I'm one of those parents who doesn't spend time with their kid, we spend perhaps more time with her than almost anyone else we know (it helps that I'm at home most every day - it'd be tougher if I worked a normal job). Most people seem to ignore their kids, while simultaneously stopping living the lives they want to live.

 

Funny that you preemptively put this out there.  I originally wrote my post without the middle paragraph because I didn't want someone to take me too seriously and jump on me for complaining about the situation.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by iacas View Post

One of my hobbies is photography, and one of my wife's is scrapbooking, so that's a hobby in which we can involve the kiddo. :)

 

No golf?

post #6 of 28

     I just heard an advertisement the other day on the radio.  I believe it was by Danny Glover.  He said "If you want to be a man and take care of your family, make sure you take care of yourself first." 

    I believe this completely.  You need to take care of yourself both physically and mentally if you want to be able to provide for your family.  If golf helps your mental well being (sure seems to help mine), that will be a positive, not a negative, for the family.

 

    BTW I have 5 children between 2 and 10.  I try to get out to play once a week from April through June.  I typically play a bit less in the summer and fall.

post #7 of 28

Wow!  Congrats!  Twins would be scary and amazing at the same time.  Right now my wife and I have no children - unless you count our high maintenance pup (6yr old Vizsla).  So I can't comment on this per se... But my wife and I agree that maintaining our hobbies and interest is important for our own health and happiness.  If you totally abandon something you love, chances are you will be unhappy.  When I find myself unhappy, I become irritable and difficult to deal with.  That is bad for any relationship, so we try and keep balance to ensure we are both happy.

 

With that being said... Having twins I'd imagine is going to eat into your monthly disposable income?  Therefore, if I were you - I'd consider a few things to keep you involved in the game you love...

 

First, I'd invest in an at home practice area (net).... For instance, I'm trying to get my setup where I can hit unlimited balls - at home.  And not have to worry about going to the range and spending $100 to $200 a month for a range pass.  So while my up front investment on a high quality net, and hitting mat may be $600 to $1K depending on what I decide to go with... My ROI is pretty solid as I'll spend that in 5 to 10mo of practice - easily - if I continued to go to the range which is 5 minutes up the street.  Maybe this is something to consider - to take the edge off?  And it allows you to still hit balls and improve your game.  Even if you aren't playing as much real golf on the course.  

 

Then go into the mode like Golfingdad mentioned - he has two small children - where you squeeze in a round or two during the month as time permits.  With having a nice practice area at home - your game should be in solid shape.  And I'd like to think that that should make your rounds that much more enjoyable?  Who knows... Maybe you reach single digits by actually playing less golf? But practicing more??

 

Good luck!

post #8 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachcomber View Post

When I find myself unhappy, I become irritable and difficult to deal with.

Like when you double bogey 150 yd par 3's??? c2_beer.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachcomber View Post

First, I'd invest in an at home practice area (net).... For instance, I'm trying to get my setup where I can hit unlimited balls - at home.  And not have to worry about going to the range and spending $100 to $200 a month for a range pass.  So while my up front investment on a high quality net, and hitting mat may be $600 to $1K depending on what I decide to go with... My ROI is pretty solid as I'll spend that in 5 to 10mo of practice - easily - if I continued to go to the range which is 5 minutes up the street.  Maybe this is something to consider - to take the edge off?  And it allows you to still hit balls and improve your game.  Even if you aren't playing as much real golf on the course.  

Great idea.  I've been thinking about this as well.  Now that I have been really back into for a year or so, lessons (Evolvr) and practicing as much as I can (usually 2-3 times a week, so let's call it 2.5, an average of about $10 per session) , that comes to almost $1700 over the course of a year!

 

If I had a home practice area, I could do a lot more practice for a lot less money (once the initial investment is paid off, of course).  My problem is finding a good place for said practice area.  My backyard isn't terribly big and isn't terribly flat, and I'm not quite sure if I have enough clearance (vertically and horizontally) in my garage.

 

Bottom line, being able to practice at home would be a win-win.

post #9 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfingdad View Post

Like when you double bogey 150 yd par 3's??? c2_beer.gif

That my friend is 'Jackassary' golf.  And I believe sooner than later I'm going to eliminate those type of mistakes!!! c3_clap.gif

post #10 of 28
Congratulations!

I agree with the others. You and your wife will each need some get away time.

The best advice I can offer is to make sure she doesn't feel that you're getting yours, but she's left out. As always if you make sure that she's taken care of first, your life will be much happier! a2_wink.gif
post #11 of 28

First off, Congratulations! 

 

Your golf life isn't over, but you will probably have to put the clubs aside for the first few months after the twins are born. If you can get a practice net set up at home, this will be the best bet for you. I wouldn't count on playing a round or even going to the range, especially with no relatives close by. 

 

You priority is to keep your wife happy and be there for her, which includes taking care of your kids. Your wife will take some time to recover from the pregnancy and birth, maybe a few weeks, so give her your full attention. Take it from me. I have 2 kids born less than a year apart - Irish twins, basically (first son is 23 months and second son turns 1 next week).

 

Even if you can afford daycare, I would try to get a nanny instead. It is cheaper for 2 kids and also, with daycare, once one kid gets sick, you have to call in sick cause most daycares are strict about kids being ill. You can also almost count on your second one catching the same sickness, so you might have to call in sick again. We currently have a nanny now who comes to our place on the weekdays and found it a lot more convenient. She does the kids' laundry and a few house chores, but we keep the priority to taking care of the kids and make sure they're happy. Heck, if you can get the nanny to come in once a month on a weekend, that's your monthly golf pass.

 

I've tried to strike a deal with my wife to play golf at the wee hours before dawn, and even that fell through. Your situation might be a little different than mine, but you can try to do that if you like. Plus, I was also pretty tired to even get some quality golf out of me. Only now, since my youngest son can crawl and is on the verge of walking, is my wife willing to give me some range time. I have no doubts that it will start turning into rounds of golf. Just give it time, have some patience, and enjoy your time with the kids. 

post #12 of 28

Congrats, kids are great.  When life is kicking your butt outside of the house a big hug from your son or daughter will make life seem so much better.  I love my kids and can't imagine my world without them. 

 

That said, they do take up a lot of your free time, will cause you a lot of stress and will severely impact the number of hours you get to sleep (especially the first few years).   My wife and I lived away from family so we were on our own as well but not with twins, my son was born three years later. 

 

You'll find time for golf, but it won't be on your schedule, it will be on theirs.  6am golf seems reasonable unless you were up for the 3am feeding or on nightmare duty.  Pick your spots, try to set a schedule that works for you and your wife, but be flexible.  The slightest indication that golf (or any hobby) is more important than your wife or kids and golf will become the #1 issue of every argument. 

post #13 of 28
Thread Starter 

Thanks guys!  Found out this morning that we're going to have a boy and a girl.  Unbelievable!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfingdad View Post

EDIT:  What does "SWMBO" mean?

 

She Who Must Be Obeyed

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfingdad View Post

And in a few years when the kids are old enough, and if they take an interest, you can golf even more than before and bring them with you!

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPMPIRE View Post

Only now, since my youngest son can crawl and is on the verge of walking, is my wife willing to give me some range time. I have no doubts that it will start turning into rounds of golf. Just give it time, have some patience, and enjoy your time with the kids. 

 

 

 

I think this excites me more than anything!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Golfingdad View Post

Your golf life will change somewhat (maybe a lot) for a bit, but it's certainly not over.  (Of course, you might be too tired to even want to golf for the next few months until they learn to sleep through the night.)  I just work it into the schedule as best as I can.  I play once or twice a month - early in the morning is best because it doesn't take all day - I do most of my practice on my lunch hour during work, and I will sneak in an extra round during the week when the work schedule permits it.

 
 

 

Originally Posted by Beachcomber View Post

With that being said... Having twins I'd imagine is going to eat into your monthly disposable income?  Therefore, if I were you - I'd consider a few things to keep you involved in the game you love...

 

First, I'd invest in an at home practice area (net).... For instance, I'm trying to get my setup where I can hit unlimited balls - at home.  And not have to worry about going to the range and spending $100 to $200 a month for a range pass.  So while my up front investment on a high quality net, and hitting mat may be $600 to $1K depending on what I decide to go with... My ROI is pretty solid as I'll spend that in 5 to 10mo of practice - easily - if I continued to go to the range which is 5 minutes up the street.  Maybe this is something to consider - to take the edge off?  And it allows you to still hit balls and improve your game.  Even if you aren't playing as much real golf on the course.  

 

Then go into the mode like Golfingdad mentioned - he has two small children - where you squeeze in a round or two during the month as time permits.  With having a nice practice area at home - your game should be in solid shape.  And I'd like to think that that should make your rounds that much more enjoyable?  Who knows... Maybe you reach single digits by actually playing less golf? But practicing more??

 

These are some really good ideas.  Right now our living situation is in flux, my wife wants to move back home to her family, but its hard to leave two stable jobs with all that's going on.  And the indecision means we haven't bought a house, so we live in an apartment now and will have to move to a bigger place in a few months.  I've been thinking about the indoor range setup (right now we rent a garage) and the swingbox you linked to on the other thread looks awesome.  I use evolvr and have really wanted to get a home set up anyway so I can squeeze in more practice time.  But I would have to think about the noise factor if I'm in an apartment type setting.  I imagine it might bother the neighbors.  

 

I'll have to figure out how to squeeze in the time like golfing dad says.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPMPIRE View Post

Your golf life isn't over, but you will probably have to put the clubs aside for the first few months after the twins are born. If you can get a practice net set up at home, this will be the best bet for you. I wouldn't count on playing a round or even going to the range, especially with no relatives close by. 

 

You priority is to keep your wife happy and be there for her, which includes taking care of your kids. Your wife will take some time to recover from the pregnancy and birth, maybe a few weeks, so give her your full attention. Take it from me. I have 2 kids born less than a year apart - Irish twins, basically (first son is 23 months and second son turns 1 next week).

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPMPIRE View Post

Your golf life isn't over, but you will probably have to put the clubs aside for the first few months after the twins are born. If you can get a practice net set up at home, this will be the best bet for you. I wouldn't count on playing a round or even going to the range, especially with no relatives close by. 

 

You priority is to keep your wife happy and be there for her, which includes taking care of your kids. Your wife will take some time to recover from the pregnancy and birth, maybe a few weeks, so give her your full attention. Take it from me. I have 2 kids born less than a year apart - Irish twins, basically (first son is 23 months and second son turns 1 next week).

 

I've tried to strike a deal with my wife to play golf at the wee hours before dawn, and even that fell through. Your situation might be a little different than mine, but you can try to do that if you like. Plus, I was also pretty tired to even get some quality golf out of me. Only now, since my youngest son can crawl and is on the verge of walking, is my wife willing to give me some range time. I have no doubts that it will start turning into rounds of golf. Just give it time, have some patience, and enjoy your time with the kids. 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtogolf View Post

 

That said, they do take up a lot of your free time, will cause you a lot of stress and will severely impact the number of hours you get to sleep (especially the first few years).   My wife and I lived away from family so we were on our own as well but not with twins, my son was born three years later. 

 

You'll find time for golf, but it won't be on your schedule, it will be on theirs.  6am golf seems reasonable unless you were up for the 3am feeding or on nightmare duty.  Pick your spots, try to set a schedule that works for you and your wife, but be flexible.  The slightest indication that golf (or any hobby) is more important than your wife or kids and golf will become the #1 issue of every argument. 

 

Yeah, I imagine it be hard to get out there at first.  If SWMBO is home all week (for a few months at least), and then on the weekend I try to skip out for golf it could be trouble.  

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPMPIRE View Post

 

Even if you can afford daycare, I would try to get a nanny instead. It is cheaper for 2 kids and also, with daycare, once one kid gets sick, you have to call in sick cause most daycares are strict about kids being ill. You can also almost count on your second one catching the same sickness, so you might have to call in sick again. We currently have a nanny now who comes to our place on the weekdays and found it a lot more convenient. She does the kids' laundry and a few house chores, but we keep the priority to taking care of the kids and make sure they're happy. Heck, if you can get the nanny to come in once a month on a weekend, that's your monthly golf pass.

 

There is something about a nanny that I'm uncomfortable with, but you make a lot of good points.  Its one of the many things we have to figure out but I think we will likely go that route.  

 

 

 
Originally Posted by Beachcomber View Post

Wow!  Congrats!  Twins would be scary and amazing at the same time.  Right now my wife and I have no children - unless you count our high maintenance pup (6yr old Vizsla).  So I can't comment on this per se... But my wife and I agree that maintaining our hobbies and interest is important for our own health and happiness.  If you totally abandon something you love, chances are you will be unhappy.  When I find myself unhappy, I become irritable and difficult to deal with.  That is bad for any relationship, so we try and keep balance to ensure we are both happy.

 

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by David in FL View Post

I agree with the others. You and your wife will each need some get away time.

The best advice I can offer is to make sure she doesn't feel that you're getting yours, but she's left out. As always if you make sure that she's taken care of first, your life will be much happier! a2_wink.gif
 
 

I strongly agree with this.  And I think she will too, but right now understandably feeling overwhelmed so when I try to tell her that I think I should still play a round of golf every week, it doesn't go over well.  So my plan is to keep mum about it for now.

 

As newtogolf said.....

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by newtogolf View Post

 

  The slightest indication that golf (or any hobby) is more important than your wife or kids and golf will become the #1 issue of every argument. 

 
post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 

And another thing, I will probably spend every possible minute between now and july out on that golf course!

 

!

post #15 of 28

Congratulations c2_beer.gif

 

Your golf life may in fact be over temporarily.

 

My wife and I only have one (19 month old) and it's like pulling teeth getting out on the course. Last weekend for example she made a deal and said if I cleaned our bathroom I could go out for a round Sat. morning no questions asked dont rush back blah blah blah. I clean the S%&t out of the bathroom and Im heading out of the house Saturday morning she tells me hurry back because she wants to run a few errands with me after.c4_mad.gif

 

I just ended up going to the range.

post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RonTheSavage View Post

Congratulations c2_beer.gif

 

Your golf life may in fact be over temporarily.

 

My wife and I only have one (19 month old) and it's like pulling teeth getting out on the course. Last weekend for example she made a deal and said if I cleaned our bathroom I could go out for a round Sat. morning no questions asked dont rush back blah blah blah. I clean the S%&t out of the bathroom and Im heading out of the house Saturday morning she tells me hurry back because she wants to run a few errands with me after.c4_mad.gif

 

I just ended up going to the range.

 

 

HAHA!!  There's an honest answer!  This is what I expect.  

post #17 of 28

post #18 of 28
I don't even have kids and its tough enough trying to get out sometimes...i think your life is going to be over, jmho...;)
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