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Help with losing my temper

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
Hello all, I have been slowly getting better at this game, and with this have my moments of utter rage!!! I'm a placid gentle guy, but competitive with myself.. I am in need of help/advice in order to curb this behaviour.. I get frustrated when having a couple of good holes then following it up with a couple of poor ones, over last month have broken driver, 5 wood , buggy and dinted another club or two... I am so desperate to improve , and understand that it is a long process.. Anyway any ideas on how to handle this appreciated, as I can't afford to keep replacing clubsūüėí...
post #2 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by looseleftie View Post

Hello all, I have been slowly getting better at this game, and with this have my moments of utter rage!!! I'm a placid gentle guy, but competitive with myself.. I am in need of help/advice in order to curb this behaviour.. I get frustrated when having a couple of good holes then following it up with a couple of poor ones, over last month have broken driver, 5 wood , buggy and dinted another club or two... I am so desperate to improve , and understand that it is a long process.. Anyway any ideas on how to handle this appreciated, as I can't afford to keep replacing clubsūüėí...

 

Are you one of the guys in my normal foursome?

post #3 of 43
I was the exact same way. It has gotten better with time, but for me I had to just walk away from the game several times. Like me you probly want to be perfect at the game and that's just not realistic. Look how many times the pros hit there ball in OB, and they are the best in the world.

I've also realized no one like playing with that guy. >(gets mad guy).
post #4 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by looseleftie View Post

Hello all, I have been slowly getting better at this game, and with this have my moments of utter rage!!! I'm a placid gentle guy, but competitive with myself.. I am in need of help/advice in order to curb this behaviour.. I get frustrated when having a couple of good holes then following it up with a couple of poor ones, over last month have broken driver, 5 wood , buggy and dinted another club or two... I am so desperate to improve , and understand that it is a long process.. Anyway any ideas on how to handle this appreciated, as I can't afford to keep replacing clubsūüėí...

Just remind yourself, you're not good enough to get angry! Seriously, having unreasonable expectations only leads to frustration. The fact that you can have a decent hole, or even a few, does not mean you can expect to play an entire round at that level.

As an aside, unless you prefer playing alone, I'm glad to see that you recognize the problem and are trying to get it under control. Most serious golfers don't want to play with someone that volatile! Case in point....we've got 5 guys that want to play in the happy little group that I manage this weekend. We only have room for 4. One is a club thrower, slammer, etc.... He won't be invited, unless someone else drops.
post #5 of 43

Anger management classes?  

 

I stopped getting mad when I came to the realization that I wasn't good enough to get pissed every time the game went south.  You'd be smart to come to that epiphany too.

post #6 of 43
Pop a xanax one hour before you tee off and call Dr. Ruth, that may help.
post #7 of 43

a cold six pack in the cart will help too

post #8 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by David in FL View Post

Just remind yourself, you're not good enough to get angry! Seriously, having unreasonable expectations only leads to frustration. The fact that you can have a decent hole, or even a few, does not mean you can expect to play an entire round at that level.

As an aside, unless you prefer playing alone, I'm glad to see that you recognize the problem and are trying to get it under control. Most serious golfers don't want to play with someone that volatile! Case in point....we've got 5 guys that want to play in the happy little group that I manage this weekend. We only have room for 4. One is a club thrower, slammer, etc.... He won't be invited, unless someone else drops.


This- I play with 'temper challenged player". Well, a reformed temper challenged player. Okay, a NEARLY reformed temper challenge player. We were playing at an upper level public course, and he was having a bit of a struggle chipping from their rough. After a previous particularly nasty club throwing incident, I told him flat out: do it again, I'll walk off and I will NEVER play with you again. (he doesn't really play with anyone else) On this day, about the 11th hole he chunked one, then another, and then skinned one 40 yds over the green. A string of rather loud obscenities came out and he helicoptered his wedge at what seemed like 100 mph. Except it didn't head anywhere near where he was aiming (just like the rest of his game) and flew it over my head and lodged itself in the green that happened to be nearby. Fortunately, that green was unoccupied at the time. I said nothing, walked to the cart, took off my bag and started walking back to the clubhouse and left him with another of our guys. I could hear him complaining to our buddy about what a **** I was for walking away. But I also hear the other guy tell him- "You were warned, and YOU were the **** for that little tantrum". I guess he had time to think about it because a few minutes later he caught up to me and apologized profusely, and that he didn't mean it, etc.... I let him have it- Not only just throwing the club, but the rest of the behavior would have cost him an ejection if anyone from the staff had seen it, or someone reported it. I told him the same thing mentioned above- He wasn't good enough to get so angry. he should be laughing and having fun. Lord knows, we laugh at his game enough as it is. He was lucky it was a quiet corner of the course or HE would be the one going home. "Did you fix the green?" "No". "Then do it now and catch up to us (by now the other guy came up on us), and we'll finish this up. And you better have learned a lesson, because it isn't always just us around. He has since avoided the dreaded helicopters, and while his temper is a bit better he will still curse under his breath (quite loudly) and bang a club into the ground in frustration, he at least will try and laugh at the situation.
post #9 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by looseleftie View Post

Hello all, I have been slowly getting better at this game, and with this have my moments of utter rage!!! I'm a placid gentle guy, but competitive with myself.. I am in need of help/advice in order to curb this behaviour.. I get frustrated when having a couple of good holes then following it up with a couple of poor ones, over last month have broken driver, 5 wood , buggy and dinted another club or two... I am so desperate to improve , and understand that it is a long process.. Anyway any ideas on how to handle this appreciated, as I can't afford to keep replacing clubsūüėí...

I'm similar, lol. I have never broken a club in anger though but have wanted to. I have tossed a few though, nit really throwing just a toss. I usually end up cursing myself out and try to move on as best I can.
post #10 of 43

It's also a catch-22. If you get angry after a shot, you have a much smaller chance of hitting the next shot well, no matter how hard you practice. Thus, getting angry will actually stop you from getting better. If you really want to get better, you'll have to stop getting angry.

post #11 of 43

Is this problem unique to the golf course, or do you have broader temper management issues?  

 

 

 

If its just the golf course, then I'd suggest the following:

 

1. Take a deep breath.  

2. Recognize that acting out will make others uncomfortable and embarrass yourself.

3. Recognize that there's more golf to play, and that you've had a good round in the past that included at least 1 terrible shot.

 

Bad shots aren't usually as disastrous as they seem.  Sitting 150 yards out on a par 4, I'm hoping to get a par, bogey at worst.  If I skull it or hit it fat, that sucks.  But I'm probably then only 40 yards from the hole, still have a chance to make 4, and still probably going to get a 5.  The difference is less than one stroke.  Of course its more when you go OB or into a hazard, but its not usually as bad as it seems.  

 

When I put up a big number on a hole, knowing that I have a max of 7 (ESC) helps me not worry about it ruining my entire round.  I can put up a 7 and still shoot an acceptable score.

 

The problem is when you hit that one bad shot and can't move on from it so you hit another 7 bad shots.  


Edited by dsc123 - 9/25/13 at 12:55pm
post #12 of 43

Between this thread and the meltdown one I'm surprised how many people flip out at this game.  I might get briefly annoyed if I punt an extremely simple looking shot but I certainly wouldn't hurl a club anywhere, they cost way too much.  lol

post #13 of 43

I have a temper, but I don't on the course.  On the course I will occasionally say, "Scotty, what are you doing?" to myself but don't toss clubs.  It is not worth getting angry.  Channel the anger to disappointment and then a desire to work to improve.  When I make a bad shot now, I will note to work on that situation to improve.

post #14 of 43

I played with someone a couple weeks ago who tossed his driver after hitting a bad tee shot and it hit me in the legs.  It was just the shaft that hit me, so it didn't hurt or anything, but really?  He was very embarrassed and sorry, but some people just need to gain some perspective on life.

post #15 of 43

most times a player that beats his club up is not taking his responsability.

 

your real golfing value is based on your poor shots, bless the good ones not the contrary.

post #16 of 43
This
 
Originally Posted by David in FL View Post


Just remind yourself, you're not good enough to get angry! Seriously, having unreasonable expectations only leads to frustration. 

 

 and this

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubble View Post
 

most times a player that beats his club up is not taking his responsability.

 

your real golfing value is based on your poor shots, bless the good ones not the contrary.

post #17 of 43

I used to have a temper but now I tell myself that I'm just not good enough to get mad at things that are my fault in the first place.  Why throw a club?  It certainly isn't the club's fault that I hit it somewhere other than where I intended.  It's better for my blood pressure and I believe that staying on an even keel helps my overall game.  I only hope to keep my bad shots in play most of the time to minimize those blow-up holes that can really screw up a round.

post #18 of 43

I used to curse loudly and toss clubs. I was 14. I recognized that I was an a** on the golf course and could not handle my temper. Swearing on the tennis court is bad enough. There is no place for bad behavior on the golf course. and certainly no place for abusing and throwing clubs. Yet, I could not stop myself. So, I did the honorable thing and gave up the game. I did not play at all during high school and most of college. Picked the game up again my junior year of college with some buddies. We were awful golfers. It was fun and we had fun every time out. Never tossed a club again.

 

If you can not get the temper under control, quit the game. Find another hobby. Golf is not for you if you can't enjoy it enough to get beyond the extreme of breaking clubs in anger.

 

Lately, I've noticed that I'm not always happy on the course. I get pissed off when I play badly. Never toss a club angry and never even curse out loud angry. I just get mad inside. I heard that Nancy Lopez had a motto -- play happy. So, I'm trying that. As of this week, I mark my balls (play mostly yellow balls) with a smily face. Very corny but it is my reminder that this is a game, one I play for fun, and that I wish to play happy regardless of well I play that day. After 18 holes, it works for me.

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