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"that" friend..... - Page 2

post #19 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Strandly View Post

It's not just golf obviously.  I do not have a wife or kids either and I consider myself incredibly fortunate because I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  I think I'm fortunate in part because when I ask friends or family with a wife or kids if they want to join me for something I frequently get the "I can't blah blah blah the kids blah blah".  I suppose it's possible they can't afford it or I'm just not very fun to hang out with and they're using the kids to string me along.  Why I'm not sure, I certainly wouldn't be mad if they told me the truth.  I don't think that is the case though, I really think they're handcuffed to their house or daycare schedule.

Your comment reminded me of the stinkeye single people get from married folks though.  From my perspective it looks like they're simply jealous but maybe they see it as an insult to their chosen lifestyle.

No stink eye. I certainly did not mean to offend. I was single once as well. I did enjoy my single life, but I would not go back. I really do love my family and enjoy spending time with them. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. Its not something that can be explained, at least not to me, you have to experience it to understand. I would assume most parents on this site would agree.
post #20 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Strandly View Post
 

 

It's not just golf obviously.  I do not have a wife or kids either and I consider myself incredibly fortunate because I can do whatever I want whenever I want.  I think I'm fortunate in part because when I ask friends or family with a wife or kids if they want to join me for something I frequently get the "I can't blah blah blah the kids blah blah".  I suppose it's possible they can't afford it or I'm just not very fun to hang out with and they're using the kids to string me along.  Why I'm not sure, I certainly wouldn't be mad if they told me the truth.  I don't think that is the case though, I really think they're handcuffed to their house or daycare schedule.

 

Your comment reminded me of the stinkeye single people get from married folks though.  From my perspective it looks like they're simply jealous but maybe they see it as an insult to their chosen lifestyle.

 

It generally is neither.  If someone asks me to go play a round of golf I frequently say "I can't my kids need to do this blah blah blah".  However, I am not jealous of anyone's single life nor do I find anything insulting.  The truth of the matter, at least to me, is that while I would love to go play golf I wouldn't trade anything for the time I spend with my two sons. 

 

Playing a round of golf can not compare to watching my 5 year old score a TD in flag football.  It also can't match how it makes me feel when he is learning to read and I see how proud he is.

 

I love golf but it doesn't match the things provided to me by having a family.

 

Of course, I am sure there are some men who long to be single and childless again, and that is fine too. :)

post #21 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by SloverUT View Post
 

 

It generally is neither.  If someone asks me to go play a round of golf I frequently say "I can't my kids need to do this blah blah blah".  However, I am not jealous of anyone's single life nor do I find anything insulting.  The truth of the matter, at least to me, is that while I would love to go play golf I wouldn't trade anything for the time I spend with my two sons.

 

Playing a round of golf can not compare to watching my 5 year old score a TD in flag football.  It also can't match how it makes me feel when he is learning to read and I see how proud he is.

 

I love golf but it doesn't match the things provided to me by having a family.

 

Of course, I am sure there are some men who long to be single and childless again, and that is fine too. :)

Absolutely. There isn't anyone in the world I would rather "hang out" with than my kids. It isn't a burden to carry.

post #22 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by bjwestner View Post
 

The advice that I was referring to was simple little things, not a wholesale swing change.  For example, when in the rough he has a hard time getting out because he tries to help the ball up instead of focusing on hitting down on it and letting the loft of the club do the rest of the work.  Last  year at this time we were very close in abilities and handicaps.  As I have improved throughout the year and as he has regressed, this has probably not helped things either.  If this was it though and it was only a difference in ability/handicaps, that would not be an issue though.

 

The biggest issue that I had was that his actions were affecting my play and a talk was going to have to happen soon about his behavior first and foremost.  Giving advice/help to his game is secondary and likely would not matter much since he never ever hits balls during the week.  The only practice is hitting only a dozen or so balls before a round, that's it.  That's another reason that any advice would be very limited to things that can be done right then and there.

 

We've tried before to give advice but it seems to make things worse due to the anger.  The whole reason I started this was because that would have been a difficult discussion that I would have had to have which is basically saying: "because your game sucks so much and because you cannot control your emotions, it is affecting my game and if this continues we cannot play anymore".  It sounds terrible, pompous, arrogant, and selfish too.

 

Now that he's leaving I will likely not have to have that talk but that's not necessarily good either.  The best result would be for him to stay but for his game to improve so his behavior/emotions improve and no longer has an impact on others.  Anything less than that is not the best possible result and thus I cannot help but feel bad about this.  I'm also deep down probably worried that I am coming off as a jerk which I do not want.  I should not care but in today's age, it subconciously affects just about everyone.

 

So the underlying issue is in theory controllable as if behavior/attitude improves on his part, there is no issue.  I know that this is a lot to ask though as I can see just how frustrated my friend is and understand that a change will not happen unless there is an improvement in his game....

 

I would say that's a long shot!  I find that golfers are either the type to throw tantrums or not .. and getting better doesn't change it.  Personally, if somebody throws tantrums I don't play with them.  I don't care if they are a hundred shooter or a scratch . .I'm here to have fun and watching somebody melt down is no fun.  Once in a great while .. ok .. but if it's a regular thing that's no good. 

 

Most of my friends wives are friends with my wife and kids friends with kids, etc . .so when I have to discontinue playing with somebody I just get "too busy".

post #23 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmazingWhacker View Post

I would say that's a long shot!  I find that golfers are either the type to throw tantrums or not .. and getting better doesn't change it.  Personally, if somebody throws tantrums I don't play with them.  I don't care if they are a hundred shooter or a scratch . .I'm here to have fun and watching somebody melt down is no fun.  Once in a great while .. ok .. but if it's a regular thing that's no good. 

Most of my friends wives are friends with my wife and kids friends with kids, etc . .so when I have to discontinue playing with somebody I just get "too busy".

I didn't take the emotions thing into account, but you're right.

There will always be something to throw a tantrum about. When you miss a par, get better then miss a birdie, get better then miss an eagle, etc.

I have let off steam before, and didn't like myself when I did.

So, instead of getting better so to speak, I just changed my attitude. This enabled me to play better anyway. It's supposed to be fun.

Things don't always go your way in golf and things don't always go your way in life.

You need to deal with it.
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