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Offensive Comments from Playing Partners?

post #1 of 36
Thread Starter 

I played with a couple random guys in their 50s this week, one of whom made a couple pretty racist comments (I'm white and look pretty generically white).

 

On a slippery downhill putt I hit the ball quite softly but still ran it well past the hole.  This guy said "That thing was runnin like a brotha with a check to cash."

 

We were also behind this ultra slow 4some of old guys some of whom could barely move and made no attempt to counteract that by being conscious of pace and fell way behind.  We were complaining to each other about it here and there, and once this same guy took the opportunity to launch into a story about how he once got stuck behind a set of groups of Asian tourists who came in together on a bus and took tons of pictures and generally just played incredibly slowly.  His intro line to this story was, "One time, there was this busload of ornamentals, ..."

 

Both times I just gave him a sort of grimace and didn't respond as they were said early and mid round, respectively, and I didn't feel like making a scene and then finishing the round with the guy and his buddy.  How would you guys respond?

post #2 of 36
I think it would depend on my mood.

There's usually no changing people like that, but sometimes it's cathartic to point out what a moron they're being. At least maybe they'll shut up or keep further comments to themselves.
post #3 of 36

Probably would have done the same as you... I'd rather not have the confrontation and if there are multiple holes left I'd rather not have that kind of tension for the rest of the round.

post #4 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdl View Post
 

I played with a couple random guys in their 50s this week, one of whom made a couple pretty racist comments (I'm white and look pretty generically white).

 

On a slippery downhill putt I hit the ball quite softly but still ran it well past the hole.  This guy said "That thing was runnin like a brotha with a check to cash."

 

We were also behind this ultra slow 4some of old guys some of whom could barely move and made no attempt to counteract that by being conscious of pace and fell way behind.  We were complaining to each other about it here and there, and once this same guy took the opportunity to launch into a story about how he once got stuck behind a set of groups of Asian tourists who came in together on a bus and took tons of pictures and generally just played incredibly slowly.  His intro line to this story was, "One time, there was this busload of ornamentals, ..."

 

Both times I just gave him a sort of grimace and didn't respond as they were said early and mid round, respectively, and I didn't feel like making a scene and then finishing the round with the guy and his buddy.  How would you guys respond?

Exactly the same way you did.  I don't really like confrontation, and like Erik said, it's not like anything you say is going to magically change them, so I just ignore that type of stuff and play on.

post #5 of 36

I don't care about pissing people off or offending people. If someone is a douche I'll part ways with them on the course. Either by dropping back or skipping a hole if the course is open. I've sat in my cart and waited for a 3some to come by and asked to join them a few times. Once after listening to men in their 60's make unbelievably raunchy comments about the cart girl. I don't like golf enough to deal with people like that. However I am not the friendliest person with strangers so most of the time if I get paired with someone the conversation is sparse.

post #6 of 36
Ignore them and play golf.
post #7 of 36

Try not to get offended.  And play golf.  

post #8 of 36
I wouldn't have chastised him or anything, but I wouldn't have given him the normal conversational pleasantries. So I wouldn't have nodded, or said "yeah, mhm," or whatever. And I probably wouldn't have started any conversations.
post #9 of 36

Yep, no use in saying anything to them, Nothing anyone could say would change their ways. I would have skipped ahead.

post #10 of 36
Why didnt you ask him our the ornamentals got off the fireplace mantal?

But seriously, as has already been said there isnt much you can do to change a person like this outside of a near death experience. But seeing as the vast majority of us arent in the business of delivering near death experiences to change the attitudes of others I guess your best bet would have been to ignore then comments and not encourage them.

Regards

Mailman
post #11 of 36
Just play the game and have fun. Don't get offended, it's no use.
post #12 of 36

I'd play the round in silence, thank them for the round and never again partner up with them.

post #13 of 36

I would have probably said something like, "excuse you," and glared at him.

 

I'm not one to shy away from confrontation and whereas you might not change them, hopefully it will give them pause next time they think about saying such moronic things.

post #14 of 36

I would be polite and quiet during the round.  At the end of the round I would tell them that I did not enjoy playing with them and that their bigoted and racist comments were very inappropriate and made them look like asses.  I would also state that I would request never to play with them again if ever paired up by the course.  Then I would walk away without letting them counter.

post #15 of 36
I would have acted confused and asked him what he meant. If he just repeated the joke I would still act all bewildered and tell him I don't get it. I would continue in this vein until he is forced to clearly explain his racist joke and then I'd shrug and say, "I still don't get how that's funny...so why is the black guy running???"

Either he'll feel like a total jackass from being drawn out into the light, like a scrambling cockroach, or he'll stop talking to me.
post #16 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ernest Jones View Post

I would have acted confused and asked him what he meant. If he just repeated the joke I would still act all bewildered and tell him I don't get it. I would continue in this vein until he is forced to clearly explain his racist joke and then I'd shrug and say, "I still don't get how that's funny...so why is the black guy running???"



Either he'll feel like a total jackass from being drawn out into the light, like a scrambling cockroach, or he'll stop talking to me.

 



LOL I like that "so why is the black guy running." It's hard to just ignore something like that because golf is so mental. I may have just skipped a hole or waited for another group behind to join. AFTER telling the guy how inappropriate his comments were ofcourse.
post #17 of 36

A few years ago, I played in a club that traveled the state and played different courses each week.  At the beginning of the season, because I didn't have a partner, I was paired up with someone else who joined without a partner.  From the 2nd hole of the 1st round of the year... I could tell we weren't going to get along very well.

 

He started with the 'borderline racist' jokes in the 2nd fairway and by the time the cart girl made her rounds on the 5th tee... I didn't want to speak to him anymore.  I got home that evening and told my wife that I didn't think it was going to work out.  She said I needed to stand up and say something otherwise it was going to be a long season... so, the next round, he started with his 'jokes' about halfway through the front and I stopped him, letting him know that it made ME uncomfortable to listen to his poor jokes and that I wouldn't tolerate it throughout the season.

 

He stopped immediately... apologized... and then got kicked out of the club 4 rounds later for cheating.

 

At least I didn't have to listen to him saying stupid crap for the time we were partners... all because I let him know that I wasn't comfortable with what he was saying.

 

There are ways of letting people know that what they're saying isn't appropriate without coming off like you want to start a fight.  I've learned that 95% of people, when confronted in a polite manner, will back off.  There are 5% who will chastise you... but, as was pointed out earlier... those are people who aren't going to change, regardless of what is said to them.

 

Sorry you had to endure that, even for a round.

 

CY

post #18 of 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by RonTheSavage View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ernest Jones View Post

I would have acted confused and asked him what he meant. If he just repeated the joke I would still act all bewildered and tell him I don't get it. I would continue in this vein until he is forced to clearly explain his racist joke and then I'd shrug and say, "I still don't get how that's funny...so why is the black guy running???"



Either he'll feel like a total jackass from being drawn out into the light, like a scrambling cockroach, or he'll stop talking to me.

 



LOL I like that "so why is the black guy running." It's hard to just ignore something like that because golf is so mental. I may have just skipped a hole or waited for another group behind to join. AFTER telling the guy how inappropriate his comments were ofcourse.

I assume he wouldn't have had the guts to make that comment with you in his foursome for fear of enduring the humiliation of getting kicked in the ass with a chicken-leg.
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