Giving advice to friends

**Undr Par** · August 17, 2007

For only the 2nd time today my Neighbor across the street and I played Golf together (he hadn't played in over 3 yrs)

So, on the 1st hole he is struggling (he eventually took a 9) I told him when he finally got up on the green that it appeared to me (and stated by NO means am I a Golf teacher) that he was standing way to far away from the ball and that he was leaning/reaching for the ball way to much. He got upset and I could tell it bothered him, cause he stated I've only played twice in 3 yrs and that it would come to him and what did I expect, after that I never said a word to him again...but I noticed he did move closer to the ball, and actually played verily well.

My question is a 2 part question, why do people get upset and all hot and bothered when others are just trying to help them out some, and has this happened to you before, with a friend or just a guy whom you got paired up with?

**thumper07** · August 17, 2007

well he had no right to get offended or be rude. i usually dont give advice but if i do, i ask if they mind before i show them something. most people like what i say cause i tell them simply what i feel is wrong. the only time i get upset is when someone i'm playing with thinks they are butch harmon and tell me my right elbow wasn't bent right when i hit a block(which i do when my hands get too fast).

-matt

**Dent** · August 17, 2007

Yep, i tried to give my beginner friend some advice, and he was having a horrible game and all he said

"K, I just dont want to talk about it, so dont say anything"

and he continued to have a bad game. I dont get it. I ask them if they want advice first. Then if they do i give it to them.

**CG031** · August 17, 2007

Yep, i tried to give my beginner friend some advice, and he was having a horrible game and all he said

hes jealous obviously

**Dent** · August 17, 2007

hes jealous obviously

he possibly could be. the way ive been playing lately he has nothing to be jelous about though.

**King Cobra II** · August 17, 2007

From the other point of view though, it's very frustrating to play poorly, especially when you haven't played in a while. It can also be embarassing for some. I have some friends like that, infact my dads a bit like that too. Other however who play to improve and have fun will welcome advice. It's always best to sort of ask them if you state your observations.

is 120 respectable · August 17, 2007

Yea, I give used to give advice to my friends now and again. My one friend is really receptive and postive and seems to get better when helped. Two of my other friends just ignore the advice but don't get angry.

It's tough sometimes because one of the guys who can't take advice has the worst swing you've ever seen. Mix an Albert Pujols homerun swing with a new golfer's swing and thats what you have. He says, "I don't understand what I'm doing wrong" when the ball doesn't get airborn. I will give him the simplest thing like "try not bending your left arm so much" because he flexes his elbow all the way on his swing. He cannot accomplish this during an 18 hole round.

Lastly, I personally love getting advice. I played with two single digit golfers and I soaked up all the tips they gave me. I also watched their habits and feel like I learned a lot. I don't think I will give advice any more, though, seeing as how looking back it doesn't usually work.

**Leek** · August 17, 2007

Yea, I give used to give advice to my friends now and again. My one friend is really receptive and postive and seems to get better when helped. Two of my other friends just ignore the advice but don't get angry.

Nothing good comes from giving tips on the course. I play with some friends who THINK they know the golf swing. Heck they could post on here. Their observations are usually wrong. When they offer a tip, I ignore them. If they keep offering, I ask them to stop.

On a recent occasion, a guy I was playing with was having a tough day. For 5-6 holes he kept asking what he was doing wrong. Finally, I gave him a suggestion. Mind you this was for his swing, not mine. I promptly subconciously used that suggestion in my own swing and hit my drive OB. Why? His faults are almost opposite of mine. Medicine for him is poison for me. Keep tips to yourself- you'll be happier.

**CG031** · August 17, 2007

Yeah, some of my friends are just starting but i dont give them advice, or at least not anymore. im done with that, if they ask me "what am i doing wrong" ill try to help, but im not going out of my way to help them. if they really want to get serious, i can show them the basics as ive took a couple lessons and stuff, but if they really want to become a player they need to practice and get some technique from a teacher.

**JustMe** · August 17, 2007

Nothing good comes from giving tips on the course. I play with some friends who THINK they know the golf swing. Heck they could post on here. Their observations are usually wrong. When they offer a tip, I ignore them. If they keep offering, I ask them to stop.

I couldn't agree more, and while you're in the process of saying this...offer him your pros business card.

**blue_crush** · August 17, 2007

giving advise is like asking your girlfriend or wife to do something differnent
while having sex... it might make you feel better but has a time and place.

with that said, the other day at the range I was doing my thing while behind me 3 lady's were hitting the balls, and they looked like they needed some serious help, even a hack could have helped them... one of them said how come he makes it looks so easy... ok, I couldn' t help myself... so I turned and gave up the most basic of swing theories to them and watched as they begin to hit the ball well.... then one of them said why don't we have a drink and talk about some golf lessons... sorry ladys I'm not a teacher and am happily married and couldn't accept. but thank you anyway. so giving advise sometimes is a good thing, it just seems that giving advise from one man to another is always taken the wrong way. its like telling a man he's lost and he should ask for directions.....lol

**Everardo** · August 17, 2007

I don't like getting advice on the couse, especially if I haven't asked for it. Therefore I don't give advice unless asked and even then I don't feel that comfortable giving it. I'm a clubmaker not a swing coach

Mitch Cumstein · August 17, 2007

I never give swing instructions on the course, with one exception, my brother. And that's only because he's totally cool with it and wants the help during what he considers practice rounds. Otherwise, even if they ask "what am I doing wrong?", I'm not giving any advice. My normal response to a question like that might be "don't worry about it, you're doing fine." In my experience, and personal opinion, when someone asks that question it is more because they are getting frustrated and/or feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed about how they are playing. The point is not to try to fix their swing during the middle of a round, it's just not going to happen. Instead, I focus on trying to get the person to relax and just have a good time, they can deal with their crappy swing later. Giving unsolicited swing instruction is a good way to piss someone off and ensure that they continue to not enjoy their round.

Advice or course management tips are different of course. I never give advice unsolicited, but if a playing partner asks in a non-competitive round "what do you think, flop shot over the bunker to the tight pin or hit to the middle of the green?", I'll play caddie.

**wachesawgolfer** · August 17, 2007

I try not to give advice, people really don't want to know I think they have problem even if they know they have some problem going on. Since most people think no who has more than a 1 hcp. knows anything about the golf-swing anyway, its best not to say anything unless asked.

**powerfade** · August 17, 2007

For only the 2nd time today my Neighbor across the street and I played Golf together (he hadn't played in over 3 yrs)

You're definetely walking on dangerous ground when dishing out unsolicited advice on the golf course or the range. That goes for most things in life I would think. If your golf game is good, that person will seek you out...or not. It's his choice - not yours.

Now, I read a thread a few minutes ago from Norm66 about a slow (cluelesss) player in his group. I would recommend Norm66 give heavy advice to that guy

...but giving unsolicited advice on a golf forum is definetely inbounds!

**keb** · August 18, 2007

At recent mens night outing, fellow golfer gave me advise on following through with putter on short puts after I said that I had been missing too many of those putts. It has made a huge difference and I now seldom miss the 3-4 foot putt.

**Leek** · August 18, 2007

For only the 2nd time today my Neighbor across the street and I played Golf together (he hadn't played in over 3 yrs)

Imagine this. We are playing golf together. I would guess from your post your handicap is somewhere in the teens. Mine varies from 4 to 6. Today, mine is a 5. You are trying to stay with me on the course, but honestly if I make a mistake I often make par and sometimes bogey, never worse. You make your normal mix of pars, bogeys and throw in a double or two. I can see you have a flaw that is hurting you, especially when the pressure is on, so I nicely say, "Undr Par- you are under the plane. Let me show you how you can get on plane." You are already feeling a little inadequate. You shot 45 on the front, and you KNOW it should have/could have been better. I shot 37. Now I'm telling you your swing ain't so good. How would you feel? Your second question- has someone given me unsolicted advice? YES! A number of times. The worst is my older brother. He thinks he knows the golf swing. He is SURE he does. AND he's sure his way is the "right way" When I was a beginner and he was a 9 handicap he gave me so much advice I wanted to scream. Now, he's a 9 and I can beat him like a drum when I'm having a bad day. Last time he offered advice, I said, "Thanks, I'm working on that with my instructor." He told me he could help me fix it. I told him to shut up or I would break a club off in his rear end!

**Leek** · August 18, 2007

I try not to give advice, people really don't want to know I think they have problem even if they know they have some problem going on. Since most people think no who has more than a 1 hcp. knows anything about the golf-swing anyway, its best not to say anything unless asked.

I would not give you advice unless you asked for it and we were on the range and I had my video camera to show you. I would not listen to a 14 handicap's advice at all. I pay very good money to a great instructor and I listen to him.

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