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My son now thinks golf is a waste of his time

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

The mental anguish is high. My 18 year old son, after many years following  me around on golf courses and playing with me regularly, now has come to the painful (for me) conclusion that golf is an intellectual waste and he would prefer to read literature and write books.

Modestly, I am no intellectual pygmy but I love golf as much as any activity I have ever done. This rejection hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. Has anyone had a similar experience? How to deal with it...

post #2 of 29

Take solace in the fact that kids (and at 18 he is still a kid) go through phases, and what you mention seems to be a productive one rather than destructive. Look back on the good times you had on the course, allow him to follow his passion and hope that with some distance from the game he will miss parts of it and get back into it again. Perhaps an invitation to a Fathers Day round is in your future, or a round on your birthday for old times sake.

post #3 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanceman View Post
 

The mental anguish is high. My 18 year old son, after many years following  me around on golf courses and playing with me regularly, now has come to the painful (for me) conclusion that golf is an intellectual waste and he would prefer to read literature and write books.

Modestly, I am no intellectual pygmy but I love golf as much as any activity I have ever done. This rejection hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. Has anyone had a similar experience? How to deal with it...

If he likes to read give him "Golf in the Kingdom" if that doesn't explain what golf is really about then maybe he is making the right choice for him.

post #4 of 29
Feel ya. I've never been able to get my son into it. He used to go to the range with me and I let him drive me around in a golf cart a time or 2 but he never caught the bug. Very athletic kid, now 22. I got him a set of clubs and I've told him the best bday or Father's Day gift he could give me is to take some lessons and surprise me with a t time. Maybe someday he will.

Daughter is the same. She's 14 and just not interested. I had her in the LPGA girls summer camp when she was 8. She liked it and we even won a tournament together but it bores her now, although she loves to drive the golf cart.

Maybe in 20 years I'll be fortunate enough to play in a threesome with them.
post #5 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanceman View Post
 

The mental anguish is high. My 18 year old son, after many years following  me around on golf courses and playing with me regularly, now has come to the painful (for me) conclusion that golf is an intellectual waste and he would prefer to read literature and write books.

Modestly, I am no intellectual pygmy but I love golf as much as any activity I have ever done. This rejection hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. Has anyone had a similar experience? How to deal with it...

He will probably come back to the game at some point.  Hold hope for that and enjoy the memories that you shared together.  We have to understand that ultimately our kids are free to pursue their own passions.  Do your best to support him in his new found passion as well.

post #6 of 29

 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0ldblu3 View Post
 

Take solace in the fact that kids (and at 18 he is still a kid) go through phases, and what you mention seems to be a productive one rather than destructive. Look back on the good times you had on the course, allow him to follow his passion and hope that with some distance from the game he will miss parts of it and get back into it again. Perhaps an invitation to a Fathers Day round is in your future, or a round on your birthday for old times sake.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wally Fairway View Post
 

If he likes to read give him "Golf in the Kingdom" if that doesn't explain what golf is really about then maybe he is making the right choice for him.

 

 

as much as it might hurt, these are probably the only right answers.  sorry bro.

post #7 of 29

I always figured that one of the best things I could do for my kids is to expose them to as many different activities as I could.

 

So both my kids have played baseball, soccer, volleyball, hockey for my son, dance for my daughter, snow ski and snowboarding, water ski and wakeboarding, and golf.

 

Some activities they have continued to enjoy into their 20's others they stopped playing in their teens.

 

My son played golf as a junior at the club till he was about 17 and then he stopped and other interests (girls and cars) took over.

 

Then last year out of the blue he asked that I ship his clubs to where he was going to college and he started to golf again.

 

I recently went to the range with him and it was obvious that all the lessons he had in his early teens to grove a pretty good swing has stuck.

 

As they say golf is a game for a life time and you never know you son may just come back to it.

post #8 of 29

Golf is a waste of time, and a glorious one at that!

post #9 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanceman View Post
 

The mental anguish is high. My 18 year old son, after many years following  me around on golf courses and playing with me regularly, now has come to the painful (for me) conclusion that golf is an intellectual waste and he would prefer to read literature and write books.

Modestly, I am no intellectual pygmy but I love golf as much as any activity I have ever done. This rejection hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. Has anyone had a similar experience? How to deal with it...

 

Tell him that William Faulkner was an avid golfer at points of his lifetime and that "The Sound and the Fury" begins with the main characters hitting a golf ball. Can't get much more literary and intellectual than him...

post #10 of 29

I will say that at least he is looking to read and write, and not play video games.

 

It is a sad situation, but like one of the other posters said "Father's Day" is coming up. Play a round together!

 

The guilt trip route is always an option. One thing that might help is if you only play when he plays over this summer. That might get him feeling like you would prefer to play with him or just mope around the house.

 

My son plays for his High School and has the incentive that he does not need to take any PE classes. He also plays reasonably well, although lately has trouble with his woods. This has slowed down his desire to play this last month. He starts training again in the middle of the month, and I was invited to also participate in the lessons at his high school this summer with a college player.

 

There is hope that we will play for a while, but I fear this day will come for me as well.

post #11 of 29

Moreover, as a writer myself, I'm always struggling to find venues to spur creativity, and a round of golf, especially alone, gives me a few hours to get out in the sun and just let my mind wander unless I'm really concentrating on scoring well. Every literary artist needs an out, whether you're James Joyce or Dr. Seuss. You could even suggest he bring a notebook with him which would allow him to jot down thoughts as he plays the round. If I had the time and energy, I could probably write a collection of short stories just about people I've met playing golf alone and I've only been at this sport for about 3 years.

post #12 of 29

My youngest son loved to play till he hit about 16, girls...

 

He is now in the US Army (Made Sargent this week BTW). 

While stationed in TX two years ago he found the game again.

 

My older son lives closer to home, but my two grand kids take up a lot of his time!

He never really stopped playing but sometimes its months between rounds! (I remember those days!)

 

Last Father's Day he was in for a visit, and I played with both my sons and my younger brother.

All both of them could talk about was how bad we use to play.

It was the best Father's Day I ever had.  It may be years before both my sons are together on that

day again. 

 

Hang in there, he will come around in one fashion or another.

post #13 of 29

I suppose my "hobbies" were whatever my kids (and wife) were interested in.

 

Water skiing and time at the lake was the primary activity for my wife when she was growing up so we naturally went water skiing a lot when we first got married and when the kids were really young.

 

My oldest son was unable to play most of the regular sports because of a very serious leg injury so he really got into hunting and fishing (and still is today). Naturally I bought a nice bass boat and we hunted and fished together as much as we possibly could.

 

My daughter was into track and softball so I coached her softball teams and we went for long runs together every day.

 

My youngest son really didn't know life existed off of a baseball or football field so every available minute we were practicing one or the other.

 

Then when my youngest was in college he started playing some golf and talked me into trying it (and now I've been hooked for 10 years). We play together as much as we can.

 

In short it doesn't make much difference to me what we are doing as long as I am spending time with my family.

post #14 of 29

I think you are missing the point, (I am sure I will also at some point with my 16 year old son).

It sounds like you and your son have spend a lot of time together, but this is how it should be. He is finding his way as a young man and as much as we father hate to come to the realization they grow up.

I hope that at some point your son will see value in playing with you as I hope mine will also. My son and I have done everything together, Cub and boy scouts, now golfing every week. But as I said he is a young man and girls are becoming more and more important as is school if he plans to get in to Cal-tech or MIT.

Like Lihu my son plays for the school so for now I am just enjoying the ride, knowing it will come to an end.

Good luck as all us fathers who have time with our sons will need, be happy he is in to books and not drugs.

post #15 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by hacker101 View Post
 

I think you are missing the point, (I am sure I will also at some point with my 16 year old son).

It sounds like you and your son have spend a lot of time together, but this is how it should be. He is finding his way as a young man and as much as we father hate to come to the realization they grow up.

I hope that at some point your son will see value in playing with you as I hope mine will also. My son and I have done everything together, Cub and boy scouts, now golfing every week. But as I said he is a young man and girls are becoming more and more important as is school if he plans to get in to Cal-tech or MIT.

Like Lihu my son plays for the school so for now I am just enjoying the ride, knowing it will come to an end.

Good luck as all us fathers who have time with our sons will need, be happy he is in to books and not drugs.


Speaking of which, we should get a few practice rounds in before August. :-)

post #16 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ernest Jones View Post
 

Golf is a waste of time, and a glorious one at that!

 

I agree with EJ.  Golf is a waste of time.  Kudos to your son for realizing that at a young age.

 

I still wouldn't trade it though.

post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chanceman View Post
 

The mental anguish is high. My 18 year old son, after many years following  me around on golf courses and playing with me regularly, now has come to the painful (for me) conclusion that golf is an intellectual waste and he would prefer to read literature and write books.

Modestly, I am no intellectual pygmy but I love golf as much as any activity I have ever done. This rejection hurts me and I don't know how to deal with it. Has anyone had a similar experience? How to deal with it...

 

I am confident that your son probably did not mean it was a waste of time the way you are looking at it. I understand what you are feeling. For one, your golfing buddy is going to college, secondly a possibly bad choice of words on his part made you feel even more saddened.

 

Kids do grow up, but he will remember the good times you've had together.

 

I am very glad you started this thread, because it gives me a chance to think about what some of us will go through in a few short years. Thanks for bringing up the topic, and I firmly believe that you and your son will play more golf in the future. (Even if not for this Father's day). GB

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by 14ledo81 View Post
 

 

I agree with EJ.  Golf is a waste of time.  Kudos to your son for realizing that at a young age.

 

I still wouldn't trade it though.

 

I think it was just something he said, but didn't really mean it literally. I'm positive he and his son will cherish their memories on the Golf course, together.

post #18 of 29

It's absolutely a terrible waste of time.  As are all sports and hobbies.

 

If the boy isn't having fun, then he should find another time waster that he likes.

 

I have a bunch of stuff that wastes my time in fun ways.....much better than time wasters that I hate doing.....

 

 

Maybe the OP will like that too.

 

 

sounds like a good young man and he's right on schedule as a new adult - the OP had fun playing with him for a long time, I'm sure they'll discover new hobbies to share, and likely golf will come back some day

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