Severe issue with game

Hi, I really don't know where to turn with this issue so I figured someone here may be knowledgeable on the subject.

My background:

I picked up competitive golf in my junior year of high school, and was sitting at around a 12 handicap, but going into my senior year I was determined (more like had an obsession) to improve my game. Some days I was spending 8+ hours hovering between my range and course (off-season) fine tuning and was improving steadily, but then I was prescribed Methylphenidate (otherwise known as concerta) to aid in school work which was when things changed dramatically. I noticed my game had drastically improved when I was doubling my dose prior to playing and within the year, I was a scratch golfer which gained the attention of a local medium-tier D1 coach whom I knew personally.  He gave me the opportunity to practice in the schools facilities and was taken to practice rounds with the team. I was offered a spot and accepted. I am currently going into my Sophomore year at  +2 handicap, but I am physically fading away due to what I know is major abuse of my medication. I have severe insomnia and am becoming a zombie during the day.

I doubt I'll be getting any sympathy, but I really don't know what to do. I can't turn to my teammates or coaches, I haven't told a soul. Has anyone had any experience with a similar situation? My biggest fear is it has become somewhat of a placebo effect, but I played a round at my home course alone while off of my medication and shot my worst round in years. Sorry if this is a grammatical nightmare; I'm currently crashing due to the medication and am having a a very hard time putting my thoughts into words.

You are running the risk of dying with your abuse of this drug. Get some help. Go see the doctor that prescribes the stuff for you. That, or find another doctor.

Why can't you go to your coach? School counselor? Family? ER? Church?

Yes, embarrassment can be a sad thing, but death is permanent.

You probably already know what this drug can do to you, but just in case; http://www.drugs.com/methylphenidate.html

These are issues which you need to work on with health professionals, not golfers. It is a medical problem, which I very much hope you can overcome. :-)

I think about these things every day, but my life revolves around golf. If I lose my game, I lose my scholarship and will be forced to leave my college. I guess I'm just venting, I have no choice. Was hoping someone has had an experience like mine and could give me first person insight on weaning or something along those lines.

If you're taking Adderall then I highly advise you reduce consumption. I know someone who went into a coma and never came out of it.

See a professional. Go to the campus counseling center. They will respect your privacy. You need professional help.

Concur. We have family experience with drug addiction of a college child. The school counselors are a place to start. They take privacy seriously. But they're only a start. You must find a support system and let them help you. You have admitted the problem which is HUGE. A very good sign. If you can rely on your support structure, trust them to have your interests in mind. Let them help you. Family. Medical professionals. Etc.

This isn't about golf anymore it's about your health.  You need to speak to someone, parents, clergy, school counselors, doctor, or therapist.  The risks of double dosing this drug far outweigh your golf scores and even scholarship.  Given it's an addictive drug you will need professional help with a program that will wean you off the double dose without throwing your body and mind into a tailspin.

I hope all goes well for you and you are able to regain your low handicap without putting your life at risk.  Good luck.

Good post and I hope @handicapped is reviewing comments. I concur you need to be able to address locally and with your physician for the medical part. The insomnia part many have, I do and have lived a long time. I stayed awake most of the night in high school and was successful in sports, etc. I could still play all day, still can at my age. No one ever died of being too tired. We know more about it now. I have Ambien, but I can't remember when taking it last. I have no experience with your meds so I won't even try and comment. My note is to encourage you to continue to open up, take meds as prescribed, seek medical attention and sleep when you can. My doctor years ago thought that was a good strategy, along with check ups. You may feel tired but understanding why may ease your mind, lesson your anxiety. Many of us in your shoes became and are successful and so will you. Hang in there. :-)