I was jumping around the MSNBC site looking to see if the Jessica Simpson vs. Lindsay Lohan catfight had turned deadly but instead I stumbled across commentary by a gentlemen named Dan O’Neill. O’Neill is a columnist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and contributes to NBCSports.com. He is horrible at creating analogies, but he is good at annoying me.
The first article of which I had the honor to read by this guy, whom has not been excited since the 1999 U.S. Open or possibly since he was born, was entitled “Goosen (yawn) to win 2nd straight Open”. How can you put the word yawn and Goosen in the same sentence after Goosen (along with Peter Jacobsen) had the only sub-70 scores in the third round? Although Retief struggled on Sunday, he still doesn’t deserve a “yawn”.
He also goes on and on about how you should bring a pillow if you plan on watching the 105th U.S. Open, how it will never relate to the 1999 U.S. Open, and says something about no name players sound like ambulance-chasing attorneys, not U.S. Open leaders. And I have yet to get to his analogies.
But this is the ‘Goose.’ He is to golf what algebra is to math. He is Tim Duncan on sedatives. He is War and Peace, the 18-hole version.
Am I the only person who thinks those are poor analogies? I suppose they pay him to just write, not to use his imagination to its full potential.
I just don’t understand how someone could find last weekend’s tournament boring. After so many tournaments in the beginning of the year with players setting or matching the scoring record, it’s fun to watch them struggle for once. O’Neill uses a quote by Tiger, trying to make you believe someone else has the same idea he has, which states something to the effect that this course isn’t Augusta where you hear cheers from the gallery. Well, sometimes it’s a good change to hear the sound of angst from the gallery in professional golf. Watching players chip around these greens like little kids is just entertaining.
Voila Mr. O’Neill, your U.S. Open prediction that Goosen would win failed miserably. I can’t bash O’Neill too much on his Goosen mistake because I didn’t see him dropping as many strokes as he did. Campbell did a fine job pulling off the win and taught all of us writers that a golf tournament is 72 holes, not 54.
I have a one prediction that is better than “Goosen to Win Second Straight U.S. Open”. I predict that Dan O’Neill will write an article entitled “Lefty proves 2004 Masters Victory was a Fluke,” of which he once again states “Mickelson looked more like the ‘worst player to ever win a major’ than ‘the best player to never win a major’.”
Another boring article I found by Dan O’Neill was on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch web site. “O’Neill’s Hit And Run: Pinehurst Edition” is filled with the specifications of the Pinehurst driving range and an unrelated story of a five year-old child making a hole-in-one. ……ZZZZZZZ…….
Sorry, I dozed off there, where was I? Oh yes, I have an analogy for you Mr. O’Neill. Your writing is as entertaining as watching the complete second season of “The Golden Girls” on DVD.
Here are a few Dan O’Neill links:
Garcia ready to shed his dubious title
Tiger poised to pounce at Open
Irwin is defying odds as he marks milestone
“Looks like another Dan O’Neill story. Bring a pillow and don’t let him make your low level of stupidity rise to his level after you read it.”
You can email Dan O’Neill at doneill@post-dispatch.com.
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