{"id":7993,"date":"2009-10-02T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-02T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thesandtrap.com\/?p=7993"},"modified":"2009-10-03T10:26:22","modified_gmt":"2009-10-03T14:26:22","slug":"five_sacred_rules_of_golf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesandtrap.com\/b\/trap_five\/five_sacred_rules_of_golf","title":{"rendered":"Five Sacred Rules of Golf"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"TrapAt some point in the past decade or so, Golf Digest<\/em> became a lifestyle magazine. With reviews of $100,000 cars and style columns featuring $250 belts, Golf Digest<\/em> morphed from golf magazine and something more like an off-shoot of the Robb Report<\/em>. At best, it’s become a great way to scoff at the elite members of society who happen to play golf while reading through the same re-trodden tips you read a few years ago. At worst, it’s a coffee table flipbook for top-tier country clubs – completely worthless to the 98% of golfers who don’t need to spend a hundred grand to drive to their local muni or $250 to hold up their pants.<\/p>\n

The latest evidence – not counting the belts and cars, of course – comes in the form of Editor in Chief Jerry Tarde’s “Golf’s Five Sacred Rules<\/a>.” This week in Trap Five<\/em> we take a quick look at Tarde’s “rules” and come up with a real<\/em> list of five sacred rules – if, that is, we’re sufficiently pretentious enough to think that golf is religious enough to warrant calling anything “sacred.”
\n<\/p>\n

Tarde’s List<\/h3>\n

The column (despite the title) applies only to private country clubs, of which I belong to one and have played at several. Let’s have a look at the rules the title would have us believe apply to all of golf.<\/p>\n

Tarde’s Number Five<\/strong>
\nNo cell phones on the course or in the clubhouse. (One club I know is very tough on this: Mobile phones are only permissible sitting in your car in the parking lot with the windows rolled shut. A friend of mine adheres to this rule with his convertible top down.)<\/em><\/p>\n

I have my cell phone with me at all times. It’s got a weather application that I can use to check the proximity of an incoming storm. It’s got a calendar so I can check availability for future tee times. And, lo and behold, it’s got a phone so that my wife can reach me when plans change and I can reach the clubhouse in an emergency (partner has a heart attack, cart runs out of juice or gets stuck or driven into a lake, six-some in front of us is holding up play and needs to be split up, etc.).<\/p>\n

Instead, cell phone usage should be judged on a case-by-case basis. Not once in fielding the occasional call from my wife have I held up or distracted play. I’m as annoyed by the guy loudly talking about his stock portfolio with his broker while holding up play as the next guy. If you want to make a rule, how about the far more reasonable “ban the behavior, not the instrument.”<\/p>\n

Tarde’s Number Four<\/strong>
\nTake off your hat when you go indoors or when sitting down to eat.<\/em><\/p>\n

Because hat hair is so much more attractive. Let me put it this way: if it’s perfectly acceptable to wear spikes, I see no problem wearing a lid as well. My country club has a grill room where spikes and hats are worn by virtually everyone, and a dining room where they are not worn by anyone. Guys don’t take their hats off in the locker room or the pro shop. They don’t take their hats off at the halfway house or when greeting women.<\/p>\n

Sorry, Jerry, but you’re showing your age here, and the “hats off” rule is murky at best. Rather than draw up a hard and fast rule, I prefer the rule of “When in Rome…”<\/p>\n

Tarde’s Number Three<\/strong>
\nNo blue jeans, even the expensive kind.<\/em><\/p>\n

Though I personally won’t wear blue jeans to play golf (I may have once, when it was winter, beneath some snow pants…), I couldn’t really care less what someone else wears. This is yet another of the rules that says more about those attempting to enforce the rules than those who might break them.<\/p>\n

And do these rules apply only to men? Tarde never really says. Perhaps he’s assuming that the only women Tarde will run into at these private clubs will be asking him what he’d like to drink.<\/p>\n

Tarde’s Number Two<\/strong>
\nDo not change your shoes in the parking lot. (Perfectly OK at a public course, but the locker room at private clubs is preserved as the last bastion of golfing ablutions.)<\/em><\/p>\n

I changed my shoes in the parking lot just yesterday at my country club… and I’ve got a locker inside. I think I may even still have the key for it somewhere…<\/p>\n

Frankly, the locker room can be a scary and frightening place, particularly since Tarde left out the first sacred rule of Locker Room Etiquette, which could be stated simply as “Nobody Wants to See Your Ding Dong.” The less time I have to spend trying not to look at the penises of fat, wet, naked old dudes, the better.<\/p>\n

Tarde’s Number One<\/strong>
\nThe most important: Never throw a club in anger.<\/em><\/p>\n

Bobby Jones once said that “some emotions cannot be endured with a golf club in your hands.” And while I gave up club-throwing as a teen, I do enjoy burying a clubhead in the earth two or three times a year. (The damage is easily repaired and you can do it without your playing partners even noticing, though neither are an excuse.)<\/p>\n

My List<\/h3>\n

As I see it, Tarde’s list suffers from two problems. The first is that it seems to come from the perspective of a privileged old white dude stuck in the 1950s. The second is that his list has almost nothing to do with golf<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Tarde’s “Golf’s Sacred Rules” are more about day-to-day etiquette than they are about golf (at any type of course). It’s rude to talk on your cell phone when you’re riding in a car with someone. It’s rude to wear your hat at a nice restaurant… but at McDonald’s it’s okay. Would you wear blue jeans to a church? I suppose that depends on the church. And so on…<\/p>\n

In the spirit of the title of Tarde’s article, I’ve come up with my own “Golf’s Five Sacred Rules,” and here they are.<\/p>\n

Sacred Rule Number Five<\/strong>
\nPay Your Bets and Buy Drinks with the Winnings<\/em><\/p>\n

If you never bet while you’re golfing, by all means skip this one. Congratulations, you’ve only got four “sacred” rules to follow!<\/p>\n

If, however, you’re like most golfers who engage in the occasional bet – on the putting green or on the golf course – pay up immediately after losing, and do so gracefully. If you’re competitive, a little “I’ll get you next time” type jab is perfectly appropriate.<\/p>\n

If you win enough and the opportunity presents itself, buy drinks for the vanquished.<\/p>\n

Sacred Rule Number Four<\/strong>
\nUnderstand the Rules of the Game<\/em><\/p>\n

The Rules of Golf are the same for everyone, and everyone who plays the game of golf should understand them.<\/p>\n

But the “Rules<\/a>” (capital R) don’t need to be followed to the letter each and every time you set foot on a golf course. In addition to understanding the “Rules,” you’re responsible for knowing the “rules” (lowercase r). If your foursome allows for gimmes inside of a foot or two, go ahead and “gimme” and “givve.” If you’re betting, understand the rules of the bet so you’re not whining on the 16th tee that you’re up five bucks when you’re actually down ten.<\/p>\n

If you’re playing with strangers, assume that the “rules” are the same as the “Rules” until told otherwise. And when conflict arises – you’d rather not give that three-footer your partner wants to give the other team – man up and make whatever decision you think is right in the situation.<\/p>\n

One last thing: don’t brag about your 82 with six mulligans and eleven gimmes. You can brag that you took fifteen bucks off your buddies that day, but your score is only valid if you followed the Rules of Golf.<\/p>\n

Sacred Rule Number Three<\/strong>
\nRespect Your Fellow Golfers<\/em><\/p>\n

Here’s where the cell phone bit comes in. And the hat part. And the club-throwing part.<\/p>\n

Respect is a lot more than not talking in someone’s backswing. It’s more than refraining from the telling of crude stories or smoking your Cuban in a cart with a non-smoker. It goes beyond offering unsolicited advice while you chop it around in 93.<\/p>\n

Some foursomes trash talk each other all around and make “your wife” jokes all day. Some don’t. Virtually all care about things like “don’t step on my line.” Respect the maintenance workers, the pro shop attendants, and the guy two fairways over who just duffed a shot because you unknowingly shouted obscenities at the top of his swing.<\/p>\n

Sacred Rule Number Two<\/strong>
\nLeave the course in Better Shape<\/em><\/p>\n

Repair ball marks. Replace divots. Rake bunkers properly and leave them outside the bunkers in the direction of play (unless the club wishes otherwise). Clean up tees while you wait and put broken tees in the proper places.<\/p>\n

These go without saying, and yet each of us can do more to improve the way we treat the gorgeous grassy areas on which we play the game of golf.<\/p>\n

Sacred Rule Number One<\/strong>
\nPlay Quickly<\/em><\/p>\n

There’s simply no excuse for a five-hour round. Slow play is a selfish, obnoxious, loathsome trend that everyone can do something to change. If you need some tips, we spent a whole week on slow play<\/a> in 2007.<\/p>\n

To those who would undoubtedly reply to this by saying “I paid as much as you, so don’t tell me to rush – I’m out there to enjoy my leisure time and if that takes five hours, so be it” I will point out a simple fact: if everyone played faster, you could play 27 holes instead of just 18 (and perhaps less expensively too!).<\/p>\n

Be a smart golfer. You’re not playing for a million dollars like the guys on TV. Hit the ball and keep your group moving.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jerry Tarde doesn’t want you to wear blue jeans. 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