Jump to content
Lonely one

Husband Chooses Golf Over Marriage

91 posts / 5108 viewsLast Reply

Recommended Posts

Want to hide this ad? Register for free today!

7 hours ago, Mr Puddle said:

I speak for the majority of men.

You don't, at least you've certainly not demonstrated so on this forum.

2 hours ago, Mr Puddle said:

Yeah, I have been married 38 years, and we have made it work. Doesn't stop us both hating each other though 

Great, why don't you stop projecting your own relationship into others', then?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

5 hours ago, Lonely one said:

spends more time with his friends playing golf almost every other day including his days off

If they tee off early ...he’s home at just after lunch. What else is going on? A long day of golf is 5 hours...we’ll say seven for driving total. So....what’s he doing after golf?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

24 minutes ago, Vinsk said:

If they tee off early ...he’s home at just after lunch. What else is going on? A long day of golf is 5 hours...we’ll say seven for driving total. So....what’s he doing after golf?

You will appreciate this. He's at the doctor's office. There is a new bar / lounge in Seattle called the Doctor's Office!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Double Mocha Man said:

You will appreciate this. He's at the doctor's office. There is a new bar / lounge in Seattle called the Doctor's Office!

That’s awesome!  I’d love to write a Rx for bourbon on the rocks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Just now, Vinsk said:

That’s awesome!  I’d love to write a Rx for bourbon on the rocks!

Perfect! I'm thinking of opening a bar called the Golf Course. Handy excuse for when you are not actually at the golf course.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Double Mocha Man said:

Perfect! I'm thinking of opening a bar called the Golf Course. Handy excuse for when you are not actually at the golf course.

Ohio State had a bar called "The Library". 

Mom: Where were you last night when I called your dorm room?

Son: at the library.

Mom: That's my boy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

On 8/4/2019 at 11:19 PM, Lonely one said:

I just want say Thank you all very much for your advice, I greatly appreciate it.  He's at golf as we speak, I had tears in my eyes when I expressed my feelings to him at dinner but I just don't think he gets it, he straight up told me that he's not going to stop playing- nor do I want him to, I know golf is a relaxing sport for men, I get it. However my husband plays so much, that I was desperate enough to create an account on this website to try and get advice. I guess I could try and see if there is a local women's league or something to try and learn more.  I watch golf with him on tv, etc.. Marriage counseling is also a great idea, thank you all again very much!! 

Let me be honest when I say golf is the most addictive sport I have ever played.  I would never stop playing golf unless my body prevented me doing so. However, at some point you need him to understand that he needs to prioritise things in life.  Don't stop golf but don't play it to the detriment of everything else

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, pganapathy said:

Let me be honest when I say golf is the most addictive sport I have ever played.  I would never stop playing golf unless my body prevented me doing so. However, at some point you need him to understand that he needs to prioritise things in life.  Don't stop golf but don't play it to the detriment of everything else

Thank you so very much! Appreciate your response 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Abby, just kidding...

Here's a thought, while he's playing golf, go take a beginner course on playing golf.
Don't rush it, it takes a while to learn to hit a golf ball and play.
Be sneaky about it, don't let him find out.
Then next year, ask him to take you golfing.

He will be overwhelmed ….

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

I wasn't going to comment on this but on reading a few of the comments by a fellow countryman i feel i need to chime in.

Not sure whether it was an attempt at the old fashioned British humour but I found it a little cringe worthy.

Anyway, back to the point. I've only been married 13 years and my wife knows I love my hobby. However, for me, golf isn't all important. I happily give up a day of golf for my family, my wife appreciates that and in return is happy for me to go out to the range or a round.

Marriage is like golf in that you have to work at it and like many a golf swing its about compromise.

To the OP, I would say speak to your husband, sit down and tell him how you are feeling and that while you are happy for him to enjoy his hobby you feel you are at times being pushed aside.

Its important for married couples to have "me" time as it helps us reset and helps keep the bonds strong but its equally important to spend time together. If i could make a suggestion, have you thought about a weekend away to a golf and Spa hotel?. This could be a good compromise as your husband can enjoy a round of golf while you pamper yourself at the spa then spend quality time together for a meal in the evening.

I hope you are able to sort things out but the most important thing at the end of the day is that you are happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

3 hours ago, RussUK said:

I wasn't going to comment on this but on reading a few of the comments by a fellow countryman i feel i need to chime in.

Not sure whether it was an attempt at the old fashioned British humour but I found it a little cringe worthy.

Anyway, back to the point. I've only been married 13 years and my wife knows I love my hobby. However, for me, golf isn't all important. I happily give up a day of golf for my family, my wife appreciates that and in return is happy for me to go out to the range or a round.

Marriage is like golf in that you have to work at it and like many a golf swing its about compromise.

To the OP, I would say speak to your husband, sit down and tell him how you are feeling and that while you are happy for him to enjoy his hobby you feel you are at times being pushed aside.

Its important for married couples to have "me" time as it helps us reset and helps keep the bonds strong but its equally important to spend time together. If i could make a suggestion, have you thought about a weekend away to a golf and Spa hotel?. This could be a good compromise as your husband can enjoy a round of golf while you pamper yourself at the spa then spend quality time together for a meal in the evening.

I hope you are able to sort things out but the most important thing at the end of the day is that you are happy.

This is a wonderful idea, I will try and speak to him about it once more, everyone on this site has been great with suggestions on what I need to try and do for my marriage.  Thank you very much🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife is happy to get me out of the house for 4-5 hours a day.... maybe i should be worried about this...🤔

But Ive seen this situation in other marriages. From my POV, most of the time the problem isn't golf itself. Its (to put it bluntly) a passive/aggressive attempt to control the husbands behavior because there is something else wrong in the relationship. The underlying issues are what needs to be addressed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, Groucho Valentine said:

My wife is happy to get me out of the house for 4-5 hours a day.... maybe i should be worried about this...🤔

But Ive seen this situation in other marriages. From my POV, most of the time the problem isn't golf itself. Its (to put it bluntly) a passive/aggressive attempt to control the husbands behavior because there is something else wrong in the relationship. The underlying issues are what needs to be addressed.

Now that you mention it, my wife is constantly trying to get me to play golf too. 😟

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

22 minutes ago, Groucho Valentine said:

My wife is happy to get me out of the house for 4-5 hours a day.... maybe i should be worried about this...🤔

But Ive seen this situation in other marriages. From my POV, most of the time the problem isn't golf itself. Its (to put it bluntly) a passive/aggressive attempt to control the husbands behavior because there is something else wrong in the relationship. The underlying issues are what needs to be addressed.

From the information given, it sounds less like it's an issue with the activity and more an issue that all free time is spent on said activity instead of spending time with his wife at all. Being on separate shifts they probably have very limited time where they can see each other and he's spending all that time away. However, I do agree that there may be an underlying issue which is causing the husband to choose golf over his wife. The alternative is that this could just be a passing phase, he may get bored\annoyed with golf and stop spending so much time on it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

I'm 59 and have been married to this wife for 8 years now.  One of the reasons she got divorced from the last husband was because he was out golfing all the time and watching it all weekend on TV.  She suggested she get clubs so she could play once in awhile with him and he laughed in her face.  So, golf was one of the reasons she left him.  Probably more so that he was just an azz.

When we got together, I didn't play but picked it up after a work outing and to spend time with my father who played a lot.  I went along and played with the local AMVETS guys who he played with a lot.  I came to really enjoy the game and started playing regularly.  She is not real thrilled about that, but, I do not want to go home and just sit and watch TV.  I would love for her to join me, but, she is so turned off by the previous bad experience, she doesn't want to join me.  She also has medical problems that would prevent her from playing.  Just along to drive the cart is "boring".

I also, unless there is something special, do not play weekends.  And let her know that weekends are for whatever she wants to do.  I also will not play on any weeknight that she lets me know she would like to do something else (ahead of time).

I would suggest you take up golf only if it's something YOU want to do, not just because he's always out there.  I would agree, that maybe seeing a marriage counselor/impartial 3rd party would be a good idea. 

I wish you the best and good luck getting this figured out.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

23 hours ago, Lonely one said:

First I would like to point out that my husband can do whatever he wants, I'm not the type of wife that tells him he can't do this or that, i have no problem with him even golfing, my problem is that he does it so much that I feel very alone as if I'm in this marriage by myself, when he spends more time with his friends playing golf almost every other day including his days off then that is definitely a problem, we use to go have dinner, movies, once a month ( and I was okay with that) there was no pressure, but now it's nothing- I get none of his time- I'm at the bottom of his list, I work, blessed with an amazing career, and wonderful friends. I only mentioned learning more about golf because he loves it so much, he studies it, watches videos about it, etc..if I'm working days, and he works nights and go straight to golfing after a few hours of sleep instead of having a moment with his wife then yeah, something is wrong here.  Maybe it is me, idk. 

Thank you all that's given your opinion, I'm considering a lot of things at the moment.  I will pray that GOD can show us the way back to each other- because I love my husband- he is my best friend 

The only thing that matters is that your needs in the relationship are not been met. You spoke to him about it but he didn´t make any effort to satisfy them.

The only course of action here is to stand up for yourself and end the relationship. 

If he cares about you he will adjust his behavior, if not why would you want to be with someone that doesn´t treat you the way you want to? 

Move on with your life and find someone else that gives you what you want. Life is short to share it with the wrong people.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.




×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Welcome to TST! Signing up is free, and you'll see fewer ads and can talk with fellow golf enthusiasts! By using TST, you agree to our Terms of Use, our Privacy Policy, and our Guidelines.

The popup will be closed in 10 seconds...