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Are you happy being single?


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Originally Posted by sean_miller

That may be true, but he does have a point in questioning the OP's motives.



Thanks for the insult, Sm - but I think he might have beeen referring to the OP. At least I hope so.

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Originally Posted by Shorty

Quote:

Originally Posted by sean_miller

That may be true, but he does have a point in questioning the OP's motives.

Thanks for the insult, Sm  - but I think he might have beeen referring to the OP. At least I hope so.


That's what I assumed, but threw that out there for your benefit. In my experience, someone who can't laugh at himself never enjoys being married or single (or he needs more pictures of members of the "Royal Family" on his money). The OP perhaps has some issues bigger than golf (and golf forums).

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I truly question myself since I have seen so many dark sides of life.  But some may have over reacted to my questions.  It looks like the subject has touched a nerve in more people than just me.

When there is a problem we can do three things.

1.  pretend it doesn't exist.

2.  throw stones

3.  Help.

A wise man once said "If we aren't part of the solution, we are part of the problem".

What are we doing?

PS: it is great to hear about so many happy marriages!

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#1 - For sure people can have a preference how they want to live their life....married or single.  And can be very happy either way.

#2 - Abuse exists in many forms and it's wrong.  But your outlook on family relationships and responsibilities is so dark and pessimistic that it sounds as if you are depressed.  I suggest counseling to lighten your outlook on family, relationships, and life in general.

#3 - Given #2, I don't think I'd want you having much of an influence on my kids.  Please tell me you don't reside in Central New York.

#4 - I love to golf but I love my family more.  I make time for both, but when there is a conflict my family wins....every time.  Right now my littlest daughter is waiting to sit in my lap while we watch a movie together (along with her sisters and mother).  It will be a sad say when she decides she's too old to sit in Dad's lap anymore.

BTW - I live in an urban area so I see many families (using the term very loosely in this context) living in a way that I completely disagree with.  I may get angry at the way my tax dollars are being spent but I don't carry the darkness that I see into my own household.  I send my kids to private school so money can be tight.  It means that I will visit courses where the greens fees are very modest.

Originally Posted by neophyte

The care of the family is the parents responsibility. And divorce, domestic abuse, domestic violence, unsupervised children, children getting pregnet, are way too commonly seen for those who are working with children.

In over 30 years of coaching and 40 years in education, I have coached and taught way too many girls who were in court or under court supervision because of abuse at the hands of dad, and whats becoming common,  mothers, and single mothers and their boyfriends.  And the schools and courts have disgusted me because they don't want to get involved because they would have to help pay the cost of helping children who are hurting because of abuse.  Just look at the topic of bullying.  Its more out in the open, but no one wants the responsibility resulting when moving the bully away from the victim and  paying for the isolated bully's education.  Plus the legal costs to get to this level would cost the school up to $20000 just in legal costs for one bully who fought back in court.

How is this golf related, how can man/woman play golf if you are in a bad marriage or your children are being hurt?  If you are home schooling and counseling hurting children, where is your time to golf.  If you are paying for private schools where is the money to play golf.  If you are paying lawyers thousands where is the money to play golf?



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We can also exaggerate problems and allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the fear.  Life isn't perfect, kids, parents, marriages aren't perfect but I've found you usually get out of something what you put in it.  I have no doubt you've seen some horrible things, but if that's what you focus on that's all you'll see.

Originally Posted by neophyte

I truly question myself since I have seen so many dark sides of life.  But some may have over reacted to my questions.  It looks like the subject has touched a nerve in more people than just me.

When there is a problem we can do three things.

1.  pretend it doesn't exist.

2.  throw stones

3.  Help.

A wise man once said "If we aren't part of the solution, we are part of the problem".

What are we doing?

PS: it is great to hear about so many happy marriages!



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This is insane, so I will only post my opinion to the contrary of the negativity surrounding marriage, or even a simple relationship.

I am 27 years old and I am engaged and have a child on the way. I could not be happier with the woman that I am with and I would not change anything for the world. She was with me when I had been laid off and lost my job and she is still with me now that I am back on my feet and very successful. Her opinion of me never changed and she has always been my positive reinforcement.

This woman cannot stand golf, yet she will watch it with me and will be the first one to ask me how I played when I get back from playing. I think that most of the people who have this negative attitude towards relationships since they have had theirs fail, are pretty selfish. Most people forget that relationships are 50/50 - give and take. You cannot work 8-12 hours a day, Monday through Friday, and then expect to disappear and play golf Saturday and Sunday. You need to find that happy balance. If I know that I want to play golf over the weekend, I will make sure that I dedicate a day to my girl in return. If I'm playing on Sunday, I will do anything that she wants to do on Saturday. Honestly, I am so laid back that I usually just do anything that she wants to do anyway - which takes away any bullshit that I may get in return for going to play a few rounds during the week.

Just because your relationship failed, doesn't mean that you are destined or designed to be single. I think most people fail to realize that a failed relationship is the fault of both involved, not just one (with obvious exceptions in some cases). If you were happy at one point and things fell apart, you should reflect back and evaluate what happened. If you're comfortable with saying "It was all on them and I'll never go through that again", then that is your right. Don't post all this negative crap though and get all emo because your relationship failed. If you're happy single, great. If you're in a marriage and you're happy, perfect. Do what makes you happy but do not, for one second, think that any and all relationships are not worth it, or are a negative thing.

I love nothing more than to come home to the same woman every single night and know that I can talk about absolutely anything that is going on in confidence and listen to anything that has to be said. You can always learn from people. Unfortunately, many people who are older than me have not adopted this method of thinking. I was once told, if you meet someone who you cannot stand from the get go and think they're an ass - you still learned something.

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For me it comes and goes, but as of right now I like being single. i can do my own thing and focus on what I want. I don't need to force or try anything, when it's time for me to find someone it will happen you know?

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I am a well-educated guy who is working on a novel and a job that pays me below market value.

It's better for me not to be married so I don't have to answer the question ... "why don't you make more money?" or "why can't we go there?" or "Why can't we afford that?"

No thanks.

I would give my ex-wife $6k per month for bills/expenses and she would say, "I want more."

No thanks.

At the point where I'd rather live low profile, be relatively poor in money for my education, and finish my book.

It's happier this way.

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I'm 23, college graduate, have been single for 3 years now, and it's basically been by choice (that and a lack of interest from the opposite sex :P). Heck, my ex leaving me for another guy is what got me back into golf cuz I needed to get myself to leave my room at some point in time or I was probably going to waste way. It was great while it lasted but ended horribly cuz she likely was cheating on me with the guy I warned her that was hitting on her daily :P She married the guy not even a year and a half after that, but I'm sure she's off happy with him, and I'm happy being single being able to play as much as I want as often as I want and spending my money the way I want to spend it without being made to feel guilty about buying a box of balls worth more than $10 :P  But, conversely I'm getting more and more sick of being single because after a while I've just started to miss having that close connection with someone that you can talk to about anything at any time and all that jazz.  I think it's part of why even though my game MASSIVELY improved this year until the middle of the year, I started to get burned out because I was out there all day every day, had no social life...etc. I can't say I've done anything crazy or fun other than say splurging on a round at an expensive course. I started reconnecting with friends, I went to like 8 Brewers games, I actually set foot in a bar for like the 2nd and 3rd time in my life lol (not a drinker :P) and while that has made me happy for the first time in a while, there's still part of me that craves that connection. I guess to sum it up, I am content being single, but I wouldn't say I'm happy . But everyone is different, I joke that I'll probably be single for the rest of my life, no drama and all that, but I think eventually I'll run into someone :P

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Wow! Now that is a deep deep question, and some of the answers...? I wouldn't decry anyone for their lifestyle unless it was genuinely causing serious harm to others, or themselves. If its a little dark, that's their choice.

Married (too) early, and was married for 11 years. Had a few years on my own, then remarried. 19 years and 6 kids later I can honestly say marriage with kids is fantastic. But now the last one is away at college, and the others are scattered to the four winds, its terribly quiet around here now. And why has it been so successful? Let's ignore the love aspect for a second and point to one thing, Time Management. We've all had time to ourselves and for ourselves. Having that (me) time has had the added benefit of giving us all the energy to enjoy each other's company all the more. Our get togethers, holidays and Christmas' are everything a family could hope for, especially with grandkids. They're noisy, energetic, full of love and laughter. The large dinig table, and a dinner, can see the sort of far reaching debates... wow, great times!

Could a single person have all those experiences of love and laughter? A married person gets those opportunities but so does the child in those marriages.

Being alone(single), and being lonely are two vastly different things. I like being on my own on occasion but never want to be lonely.

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There is nothing better than a beautiful woman who absolutely hates golf but loves that you want to play... Relationships are fickle but when you find that one person, the one you can tell how you hit drive 6 iron into a 580 yard par 5, made eagle and she just look at you and say "wow baby that is great" (knowing she really knows nothing of what you just did) is priceless...

My wife is the one who is responsible for rekindling the fire in me again about playing golf, I almost quit a year ago, I wrote a post about it, she puts things into perspective for me. Plus, she is a great mother to my wonderful children and that is the most important thing to me.

Don't give up guys and don't settle for a woman that you are not truly happy with, being in love is the greatest thing that can happen to a person. I am in Afghanistan right now and I feel like me and my wife has never been closer. It is our love for one another that makes it work in even the worst situations.

Plus she is hot so what do I have to complain about!

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I don't think either state (married or single) ensures your happiness.  Nor do I believe you're more likely to be happy one way or the other.  Your happiness is up to you.

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Originally Posted by ghalfaire

I don't think either state (married or single) ensures your happiness.  Nor do I believe you're more likely to be happy one way or the other.  Your happiness is up to you.



This is a +1 and then some.  If you aren't happy, look at yourself first.

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