Wife just "approved" of every-other-week tee times!!!!!

[rossvanwyk]

I don't think you need to clarify man. You're going about it the right way.

I'm married, but don't have any kids. I would never just declare something to my wife and tell her how it's going to be. The opposite is also not asking for permission to do something. I really wouldn't have thought this would need to be explained to people. I guess that's why so many marriages go south. It's give and take and compromise.

Especially when kids are involved. Of course you're going to explain what you're wanting to do and see if it works out with her life and her wants and needs. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

People seem to think you're less of a man because it seems like you're asking for permission, when really what you're doing is respecting your wife and considering her in your choices. A less of a man would go about as he pleases without caring how it affects his wife.

[Gresh24]

Originally Posted by KCCO

I love my wife and try to have a very give/take relationship....but in no way shape or form would I ever disrespect her and tell her I'm going to the course without considering her time that is sacrificed for it.  After all....it's not easy being a parent and we live for the weekends and free time....so it wouldn't be fair of me to think my needs are more important than hers.

^^ This.  I think too many are getting caught up with the literal term of "asking permission".  I think most agree (at least I hope) that, when you are married, you are in a partnership and you share your life, especially with children involved.  It is simply common courtesy to "ask" or make sure it fits into schedules before doing anything.

I usually phrase it "Do you care if I .....", whether its golf, basketball, or an occasional night with buddies.  She extends the same courtesy.  Sometimes it doesn't work out and I can't do what I want.  So, technically, I "don't get permission".

You have to "ask permission" in some fashion.

I guess for all you guys clamoring about 'being a man' and doing what you want, if you extend the same to your wives, that's fine.  I didn't know there were women out there willing to live like it was 1948.

[Valleygolfer]

Originally Posted by Gresh24

^^ This.  I think too many are getting caught up with the literal term of "asking permission".  I think most agree (at least I hope) that, when you are married, you are in a partnership and you share your life, especially with children involved.  It is simply common courtesy to "ask" or make sure it fits into schedules before doing anything.

I usually phrase it "Do you care if I .....", whether its golf, basketball, or an occasional night with buddies.  She extends the same courtesy.  Sometimes it doesn't work out and I can't do what I want.  So, technically, I "don't get permission".

You have to "ask permission" in some fashion.

I guess for all you guys clamoring about 'being a man' and doing what you want, if you extend the same to your wives, that's fine.  I didn't know there were women out there willing to live like it was 1948.

It depends on who is your spouse. Both my relationships started out where we were independent but after a while my wives hobbies became me and they both would react in a manner that if I was having fun somewhere without them it was a problem. Then I started feeling guilty or did not want to display the pleasure of my hobbies. It was f'd up but no matter how hard I tried to get them both to have girl time that was quality they wouldn't do it. Soooo when someone asked me to do something I would have to finagle some way to get to do it because there was always a protest.

So when you say something like "get the go ahead" from your wife, it brings up negative connotations to quite a few of us. I know not everyone has this experience but many a woman has gone into a relationship "acting" like she is okay with you and how you are only to try to change your behavior later. Again some things probably should change but to give up your nutsack completely only leads to heartache.

[Chas]

Thanks for the clarification KCCO.  You are doing the right thing imho.

[Moxie Dawn]

Originally Posted by Valleygolfer

Sigh where were you before I got married the first time.

Well if you are happy and she is happy then that is fine. If you are not really happy and she is happy just be for-warned that this situation can become sour on the side that is always compromising. I don't know your relationship and every guy is different but both my ex's were always trying to consume my "guy time" which I honestly had maybe once or twice a month.

I was too busy marrying the first boy I ever played a round with, if you get me. I don't recommend that as a life plan.

Originally Posted by KCCO

I think a little clarification is needed here.

My excitement stems from being able to get a regular occurrence of time to get to the course.  The reason for the "approval" is the dedicated time in which my wife now knows she is watching our 4 month old son while I am out for half the day.  Nothing about this is asking "permission" to do something I love....it's about coming to an agreed upon schedule of events.

I love my wife and try to have a very give/take relationship....but in no way shape or form would I ever disrespect her and tell her I'm going to the course without considering her time that is sacrificed for it.  After all....it's not easy being a parent and we live for the weekends and free time....so it wouldn't be fair of me to think my needs are more important than hers.

I think the fellas are just giving you some grief. What it sounds to me like is that you have just negotiated a schedule that works for now, and will probably be able to negotiate for more golf as time goes on. It takes time to adjust to lifestyle changes like new babies. For example, it's going on six months since I booted the ex, and my entire family is still making adjustments to accommodate the changes.  Imagine being married for 20 years and now things are different. People freak out. I try to make sure my son is with his father as much as possible because that "every other weekend" stuff is not enough, IMO. Then I have to fight my mother because she thinks my son is gone too much. BUT...slowly, everyone is adjusting to the new way of things and you and your wife will continue to make adjustments as your child gets older, with job changes and all the other things life hands you. Evolve or die. That's how life works.

Originally Posted by Valleygolfer

It depends on who is your spouse. Both my relationships started out where we were independent but after a while my wives hobbies became me and they both would react in a manner that if I was having fun somewhere without them it was a problem. Then I started feeling guilty or did not want to display the pleasure of my hobbies. It was f'd up but no matter how hard I tried to get them both to have girl time that was quality they wouldn't do it. Soooo when someone asked me to do something I would have to finagle some way to get to do it because there was always a protest.

So when you say something like "get the go ahead" from your wife, it brings up negative connotations to quite a few of us. I know not everyone has this experience but many a woman has gone into a relationship "acting" like she is okay with you and how you are only to try to change your behavior later. Again some things probably should change but to give up your nutsack completely only leads to heartache.

I feel you. And re the part in bold, their smothering ends up making you sneaky because you have to invent some B.S. just to have a couple hours of free time with a friend or whatever it is. You get the inquisition if you are an hour late getting home. People love that "you complete me" idea, which is romantic nonsense. I'm all for romantic nonsense now and then, but it can't rule your life. You marry somebody, you owe them as complete a person as possible from the start, and you need to look for a complete person as well. And that means their goals and aspirations, their hobbies, their family, their friends, their job. They bring all that with them, just like you do. And just because someone says "I do" to you, doesn't mean they are supposed to say "I don't" to everything that was part of them before you.

[Gresh24]

Originally Posted by Valleygolfer

It depends on who is your spouse. Both my relationships started out where we were independent but after a while my wives hobbies became me and they both would react in a manner that if I was having fun somewhere without them it was a problem. Then I started feeling guilty or did not want to display the pleasure of my hobbies. It was f'd up but no matter how hard I tried to get them both to have girl time that was quality they wouldn't do it. Soooo when someone asked me to do something I would have to finagle some way to get to do it because there was always a protest.

So when you say something like "get the go ahead" from your wife, it brings up negative connotations to quite a few of us. I know not everyone has this experience but many a woman has gone into a relationship "acting" like she is okay with you and how you are only to try to change your behavior later. Again some things probably should change but to give up your nutsack completely only leads to heartache.

Of course it depends on who you marry.  If you don't have a healthy relationship and don't know how they really feel, you're gonna have problems.  There is a big gap between getting everything you want and 'giving up your nutsack'.

Sounds like some guys still expect June Cleaver...

[jetsknicks1]

Originally Posted by Gresh24

Of course it depends on who you marry.  If you don't have a healthy relationship and don't know how they really feel, you're gonna have problems.  There is a big gap between getting everything you want and 'giving up your nutsack'.

Sounds like some guys still expect June Cleaver...

Absolutely. I didn't play golf when my first wife & I got married but I but I started playng for my job and grew to love the game and she was not happy at all. It was always an issue up until the day we split. I've been with my current wife for 11 years and she has no problem at all with me playing when I can. She's got her own things to do and we have a blast hangin with each other. All good

[NM Golf]

LOL I feel sorry for some of you, I am married with children and I play 3-4 times a week in the summer and every weekend in the winter. You just need to put your foot down, geez grow a pair!

[BuckeyeNut]

I remember when I was young and broke right out of college.......  the wife didn't like me playing too much back then either, but it was all about economics.   Our first 3-4 years together were financially tight....to say the least.   We had bills to pay and little money left over for fun things.   My 2 cents......and I am not pointing any fingers at anyone, but if people are being honest with themselves they'd stop making fake BS excuses and just admit it's all about the expense.  golf isn't cheap, and I can understand why young married guys can't play golf 3-4 times a week......it's due to financial priorities.    ........to say the MRS. can't bear to be away from you from 7am-11am on saturday morning is total horse sh!t.   There is nothing wrong from just saying........ "hey, I have a family to support and need to spend my $$$ on necessities.  Money doesn't grow on tree's ya know...."

There is no shame in that because most of us have been there before.

[Valleygolfer]

Originally Posted by Moxie Dawn

I was too busy marrying the first boy I ever played a round with, if you get me. I don't recommend that as a life plan.

I think the fellas are just giving you some grief. What it sounds to me like is that you have just negotiated a schedule that works for now, and will probably be able to negotiate for more golf as time goes on. It takes time to adjust to lifestyle changes like new babies. For example, it's going on six months since I booted the ex, and my entire family is still making adjustments to accommodate the changes.  Imagine being married for 20 years and now things are different. People freak out. I try to make sure my son is with his father as much as possible because that "every other weekend" stuff is not enough, IMO. Then I have to fight my mother because she thinks my son is gone too much. BUT...slowly, everyone is adjusting to the new way of things and you and your wife will continue to make adjustments as your child gets older, with job changes and all the other things life hands you. Evolve or die. That's how life works.

I feel you. And re the part in bold, their smothering ends up making you sneaky because you have to invent some B.S. just to have a couple hours of free time with a friend or whatever it is. You get the inquisition if you are an hour late getting home. People love that "you complete me" idea, which is romantic nonsense. I'm all for romantic nonsense now and then, but it can't rule your life. You marry somebody, you owe them as complete a person as possible from the start, and you need to look for a complete person as well. And that means their goals and aspirations, their hobbies, their family, their friends, their job. They bring all that with them, just like you do. And just because someone says "I do" to you, doesn't mean they are supposed to say "I don't" to everything that was part of them before you.

Yea I always had say activities wouldn't last as long as did and God forbid I would have a beer with the guys after playing...I hated being on a time clock.

Originally Posted by Gresh24

Of course it depends on who you marry.  If you don't have a healthy relationship and don't know how they really feel, you're gonna have problems.  There is a big gap between getting everything you want and 'giving up your nutsack'.

Sounds like some guys still expect June Cleaver...

No just honesty and reasonable expectations.

[Apoc81]

Wow, I cant imagine having to have an 'agreement' with the woman to play golf, children or not.

If money is the issue, I understand. But if time is the issue, then there should be no problem to get out at least once a week.

I try to get in three times a week, (including tuesday nights mens night) sometimes 4, but 2 at the minimum.

Why not tee off in the early AM, you can be done by 10-11 am.

[Doctorfro]

Originally Posted by Apoc81

Wow, I cant imagine having to have an 'agreement' with the woman to play golf, children or not.

If money is the issue, I understand. But if time is the issue, then there should be no problem to get out at least once a week.

I try to get in three times a week, (including tuesday nights mens night) sometimes 4, but 2 at the minimum.

Why not tee off in the early AM, you can be done by 10-11 am.

Spoken like someone who hasn't been married very long nor has multiple children in diapers at the same time.  Come back in a few years and see if that position holds up.  Oh, and enjoy your golf whilst you can.

[Chris Stewart]

I remember when I was young and broke right out of college.......  the wife didn't like me playing too much back then either, but it was all about economics.   Our first 3-4 years together were financially tight....to say the least.   We had bills to pay and little money left over for fun things.   My 2 cents......and I am not pointing any fingers at anyone, but if people are being honest with themselves they'd stop making fake BS excuses and just admit it's all about the expense.  golf isn't cheap, and I can understand why young married guys can't play golf 3-4 times a week......it's due to financial priorities.    ........to say the MRS. can't bear to be away from you from 7am-11am on saturday morning is total horse sh!t.   There is nothing wrong from just saying........ "hey, I have a family to support and need to spend my $$$ on necessities.  Money doesn't grow on tree's ya know...." There is no shame in that because most of us have been there before.

It's not the expense and it's not because folks "can't bear to be away from their wife" for 4 hours on Saturday morning. People have said it time and time again in this thread, that it's about having all hands on deck to help out with young children because it's stressful to be alone as a new parent with a baby or a more experienced parent with multiple kids. I have three myself (4, 2, and 1 in age). I don't know the age of your children, but I can tell you my house is crazy town from 6am to 7pm daily. I don't think it's fair to ask my wife to do that alone 3 days during the week, work 12 hour shifts the other 2 days of the week, and then do it again for ~5-6 hours on a weekend each and every week. I don't it's fair to expect that. Call it whatever you want, but that's how I feel. I don't "ask for permission", I talk to my wife to work it into our schedule. I don't just walk in and tell my wife I'm going to play golf this weekend. In fact, I asked her what our weekend looked like this weekend so a friend and I could get out for 18. We figured Monday would be best, perhaps leaving about an hour before naps were getting started, so her time of being "on" is minimized. Doesn't that kind of respect make sense?

[Chris Stewart]

Spoken like someone who hasn't been married very long nor has multiple children in diapers at the same time.  Come back in a few years and see if that position holds up.  Oh, and enjoy your golf whilst you can.

Exactly. Young children do wake up at like 6-7am folks. Just because you tee it up early, doesn't really help all that much.

[stoverny]

I think all of us agree that you need to communicate with your partner and there is nothing wrong with making sure your wife doesn't need you during a specific time. However that is different than the OP saying he now has the OK to do something he enjoys once every 2 weeks. That is more of a "rule", which to me seems wrong between 2 adults with minds and interests of their own. I'd feel the same if a husband gave his wife the OK to meet up with her girlfriends, but only once every 2 weeks. Now say her friends want to get together during the "off" week. She either has to not go or ask for special permission, and the whole thing subtly changes from 2 adults communicating, to one person making rules and another feeling like they have to either obey them or ask special permission. The OP even joked about his withdrawal during the weekends he can't play golf. In my experience this type of thing can lead to resentment eventually... you can be a great dad and you may not end up playing more than twice a month anyway if you're busy with the kids etc... It's just the "rule" that I think sends a bad message, as if you need a rule to force you to remember what's really important. I dunno maybe it's just me, I think rules are for the kids not the parents. You can be a great dad and husband without a golf schedule from your wife, and you can be home every weekend and be a horrible dad and husband.

[Golfingdad]

Originally Posted by Chris Stewart

It's not the expense and it's not because folks "can't bear to be away from their wife" for 4 hours on Saturday morning. People have said it time and time again in this thread, that it's about having all hands on deck to help out with young children because it's stressful to be alone as a new parent with a baby or a more experienced parent with multiple kids. I have three myself (4, 2, and 1 in age). I don't know the age of your children, but I can tell you my house is crazy town from 6am to 7pm daily. I don't think it's fair to ask my wife to do that alone 3 days during the week, work 12 hour shifts the other 2 days of the week, and then do it again for ~5-6 hours on a weekend each and every week. I don't it's fair to expect that. Call it whatever you want, but that's how I feel.

I don't "ask for permission", I talk to my wife to work it into our schedule. I don't just walk in and tell my wife I'm going to play golf this weekend. In fact, I asked her what our weekend looked like this weekend so a friend and I could get out for 18. We figured Monday would be best, perhaps leaving about an hour before naps were getting started, so her time of being "on" is minimized. Doesn't that kind of respect make sense?

Ummmmm, yes.

[BuckeyeNut]

I suppose when your wife breast feeds, she needs your hand on her nipple........to help out?  Sheesh.......there are some pathetic excuses not to play golf in this forum.

[Gresh24]

Originally Posted by BuckeyeNut

I suppose when your wife breast feeds, she needs your hand on her nipple........to help out?  Sheesh.......there are some pathetic excuses not to play golf in this forum.

Excuses not to play golf?  That's hilarious.

Some people's priorities amaze me.  I can afford to play golf every day if I wanted to.  I choose not to.  I have respect for my wife and actually want to be with her and my children.  Pathetic, I know....