Jump to content
IGNORED

Wife just "approved" of every-other-week tee times!!!!!


Note: This thread is 3347 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

Recommended Posts

Originally Posted by burtonda

Spending time with my kid IS my top priority, but thanks for assuming otherwise.  Each week has 168 hours in it.  I work for 40-45 of them and sleep for 40-50 of them leaving around 80 hours of time available.  5 hours for a round of golf (10 for 2 rounds every other week) out of 80 free weekly hours seems excessive to you?

I wasn't trying to be argumentative (I actually agreed with your post)  I was only speaking for myself.  I did not assume that your kids were not your first priority, I was just answering the question as to what is important to me right now.

I wish that golf was only a 5 hour experience too.  Most of the time around here it's 30-40 minute drive just to get to the course, 20-30 minute warmup, and (hopefully) under 5 hr round, so we're talking 6-7 hours out of the day.

Some day (when I win the lottery that I don't play) I will get a country club membership and buy a house on the course, so I can play a few holes every day.  Or, maybe when I retire.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

  • Replies 81
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Let me be the first to applaud you for being respectful to your wife and new baby. :-) I have 3 young children myself (4, 2, and 1) and getting out for 5 hours for 18 holes is tough indeed. When the

Man, this thread is polarizing. I scrape time out of my schedule for golf; the wife isn't exactly thrilled about it, but she knows how important golf is to me.  I owe who I am today in large pa

Just had to express my excitement to anyone that understands how much of an accomplishment this is. This works out well since I am able to hit the range every monday at lunch to offset the crac

Originally Posted by x129

In another 4 months it gets a lot worse. They are so much easier to take care of when they can't move. But yeah if you play it right in 10 years you will have a partner on the course and taking care of the kid means playing golf. At least that is my plan if I can make it another 5 years

This is the only reason I can think of in favor of having kids.  Instead of leaving to play golf being a bummer when she wants to be doing something with me, it's a favor cause I'm getting the kid out of her hair.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Originally Posted by Chris Stewart

Let me be the first to applaud you for being respectful to your wife and new baby. I have 3 young children myself (4, 2, and 1) and getting out for 5 hours for 18 holes is tough indeed. When they're 4 months old, and especially when they're your first, it's a tough adjustment and resentment can build when one is at home trying to manage and the other is out enjoying the day golfing. Most of us don't think about it from the other perspective, but imagine how the guys here giving you grief would feel if they were new parents with a 4 month old and their wife was out shopping for 5 hours every Saturday. They may not admit it, but it would get under their skin. How about every Saturday for a month, and then 6 months? It would take its toll.

I get out every Friday after work and play 9 holes with my oldest son. He enjoys riding in the cart with me, holding my putter and wedge when we get to the green, and my glove when I'm putting. After we finish our 9, he gets to pull his putter out of the car and "play putt-putt" on the practice green for 15 minutes. He's learning about golf, he's loving his time outside on the course and with his Dad, I'm playing 9 holes every week, and my wife appreciates only have 2 kids around for a short afternoon every week. I've taken my 2 year old out as well, but he's not quite patient enough for 9 holes yet.

I get out every other weekend or so for a full 18. I find the key is giving her the opportunity to do the same. She doesn't quite have a hobby like golf, but something as simple as having her go to dinner with her sisters equates to a morning/afternoon of weekend golf for me. Sure, I could be a jerk and just plan it and go, but the kickback isn't worth the trouble and frankly I'd feel like a jerk knowing how tough it is with our two older boys going at it all day. Instead, plan it with her input. I still get to golf, she's not upset about it, and we all win.

Right on.  I don't even have kids (though I am married), but the crazy backwards sexism and machismo of some members here gets to me sometimes.  Seriously you "declare" that you're going to do what you want?  Are you 15?  Do you think your wife is your servant, or just a roommate you bang, not an adult you've chosen to partner with in life?  You have opinions about what she does, don't you?  Might you be pissed if those opinions meant absolutely nothing to her?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Originally Posted by ejimsmith

if i want to golf, i have to choose work v. family.   thus, i'm sick a lot...


This made me chuckle.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by mdl

Right on.  I don't even have kids (though I am married), but the crazy backwards sexism and machismo of some members here gets to me sometimes.  Seriously you "declare" that you're going to do what you want?  Are you 15?  Do you think your wife is your servant, or just a roommate you bang, not an adult you've chosen to partner with in life?  You have opinions about what she does, don't you?  Might you be pissed if those opinions meant absolutely nothing to her?

Originally Posted by mdl

This is the only reason I can think of in favor of having kids.  Instead of leaving to play golf being a bummer when she wants to be doing something with me, it's a favor cause I'm getting the kid out of her hair.

It's not machismo or sexism to feel that you don't need "permission" from your spouse to perform a normal activity.  As an example, here is nearly a transcript of a conversation my wife and I had earlier this week:

Wife: "I'd like to take a Zumba class at the rec center.  Do we have anything already scheduled for Tuesday evenings that would interfere?"

Me: "Nope, Tuesdays are free.  Enjoy your class!"

This is not "declaring" nor is it "permission seeking".  This is how people in healthy relationships interact.  But what would I know, my wife and I have only been together for 2 decades.

And I can assure you that there are tons of reasons in favor of having a kid, but you won't be able to fully comprehend them until you have one of your own.  There's nothing like it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have 80 free hours to play golf. Things like eating, driving to work, and basic hygene suck up a surprising amount of time. Then throw in some of those hours are unusable for golf (i.e. 8-12 pm. The kids are asleep but the course is closed). But yeah 5 hours to yourself during daylight hours isn't unreasonable. Expecting 15+ probably is unless you have a lot of job flexibility.

Originally Posted by burtonda

Spending time with my kid IS my top priority, but thanks for assuming otherwise.  Each week has 168 hours in it.  I work for 40-45 of them and sleep for 40-50 of them leaving around 80 hours of time available.  5 hours for a round of golf (10 for 2 rounds every other week) out of 80 free weekly hours seems excessive to you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by burtonda

It's not machismo or sexism to feel that you don't need "permission" from your spouse to perform a normal activity.  As an example, here is nearly a transcript of a conversation my wife and I had earlier this week:

Wife: "I'd like to take a Zumba class at the rec center.  Do we have anything already scheduled for Tuesday evenings that would interfere?"

Me: "Nope, Tuesdays are free.  Enjoy your class!"

This is not "declaring" nor is it "permission seeking".  This is how people in healthy relationships interact.  But what would I know, my wife and I have only been together for 2 decades.

And I can assure you that there are tons of reasons in favor of having a kid, but you won't be able to fully comprehend them until you have one of your own.  There's nothing like it.

So the exact same conversation at my house would go more like ...

Wife: "I'd like to take a Zumba class at the rec center.  Do we have anything already scheduled for Tuesday evenings that would interfere?"

Me: "Nope."

Wife:  "Do you mind if I take the class?  I'll be gone for 2 hours every Tuesday for the next 3 months?  You don't mind having to get the kids ready for bed by yourself?"

Me:  "Not at all, you do the same thing Mondays while I bowl.  Enjoy your class!"

She would absolutely ask for my permission, as I would for her for anything similar.  I see nothing unhealthy about it.  So I would argue that there are other people out there with healthy relationships that do in fact ask each other permission for things from time to time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Does she ask as a courtesy expecting you to say yes or would she accept your denial of her request without any problem?  My wife and I have similar conversations but I wouldn't say we ask permission, we have a give and take relationship where we work with each other to make each others life happier.  When we ask each other it's usually done as a courtesy and to ensure there isn't a conflict of schedule.  I haven't asked actual permission to do something since I moved out of my parents house at 19.

Originally Posted by Golfingdad

So the exact same conversation at my house would go more like ...

Wife: "I'd like to take a Zumba class at the rec center.  Do we have anything already scheduled for Tuesday evenings that would interfere?"

Me: "Nope."

Wife:  "Do you mind if I take the class?  I'll be gone for 2 hours every Tuesday for the next 3 months?  You don't mind having to get the kids ready for bed by yourself?"

Me:  "Not at all, you do the same thing Mondays while I bowl.  Enjoy your class!"

She would absolutely ask for my permission, as I would for her for anything similar.  I see nothing unhealthy about it.  So I would argue that there are other people out there with healthy relationships that do in fact ask each other permission for things from time to time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Nice! Now tell her that she needs some down time too. Tell her to call a friend or two and take a girls night out. Pretty soon you'll be playing every week!

This is a strategy that I am currently pursuing .... with limited results so far but I'm a patient man. Great thread!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by newtogolf

Does she ask as a courtesy expecting you to say yes or would she accept your denial of her request without any problem?  My wife and I have similar conversations but I wouldn't say we ask permission, we have a give and take relationship where we work with each other to make each others life happier.  When we ask each other it's usually done as a courtesy and to ensure there isn't a conflict of schedule.  I haven't asked actual permission to do something since I moved out of my parents house at 19.

This is exactly what I'm saying too.  Well said.

Link to post
Share on other sites

To clarify, my wife wants me to go out and play golf more than I'm currently doing (due to other commitments), so I have absolutely nothing to complain about.  I just want her to get out of the house and have as much fun as I do when I'm playing golf, riding motorbikes and bicycles, or playing tennis.  THAT is what I'm trying to achieve.  I can't make her go out and do stuff but I can certainly encourage and even make suggestions .....  She does at least ride in the cart with me sometimes as an interested spectator, something at least.

We don't have kids and I'm semi-retired, unlike a lot of you guys and gals.  I don't know how you find the time if you have a young family, but if you're motivated enough you make the time I know (e.g. crack-of-dawn on a Sunday morning, shudder shudder ....).  Reminds me of when I used to run down to the river and row in an eight in College, before breakfast! ..... I'm much too old for that kind of thing now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Originally Posted by Moxie Dawn

Hi. It's zip's friend from the lost wedge thread. I saw no women had commented (are there any here???), so I figured you were all dying for a female perspective. So here it is.

You marry who you marry. If you marry a golfer, expect him to play golf. If you marry a football nut, expect him to spend Saturday and Sunday watching or at the game. If you marry a fisherman, expect to own a bass boat and that he will be on the lake all summer. You picked him. Same thing applies to the woman you marry. Having children forces people to make certain sacrifices and concessions, of course, but it doesn't have to rewrite your whole lifestyle. That "two become one flesh" thing is a metaphor.


Sigh where were you before I got married the first time.

Well if you are happy and she is happy then that is fine. If you are not really happy and she is happy just be for-warned that this situation can become sour on the side that is always compromising. I don't know your relationship and every guy is different but both my ex's were always trying to consume my "guy time" which I honestly had maybe once or twice a month.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Originally Posted by newtogolf

Does she ask as a courtesy expecting you to say yes or would she accept your denial of her request without any problem?  My wife and I have similar conversations but I wouldn't say we ask permission, we have a give and take relationship where we work with each other to make each others life happier.  When we ask each other it's usually done as a courtesy and to ensure there isn't a conflict of schedule.  I haven't asked actual permission to do something since I moved out of my parents house at 19.

More of a courtesy. If I didn't like the idea, we'd discuss it.  I don't just get to say no, but if I have issue with it, we discuss it.  Maybe instead of using the word permission, we could say consent.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

  • Moderator

Another solution is having your wife like golf.  We play every weekend with another couple that are close friends.  It is relaxing and fun.  I also am in a league, so I get to play twice a week.  It is easier when the kids are older and you can leave them to their own activities.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Awards, Achievements, and Accolades

Originally Posted by burtonda

It's not machismo or sexism to feel that you don't need "permission" from your spouse to perform a normal activity.  As an example, here is nearly a transcript of a conversation my wife and I had earlier this week:

Wife: "I'd like to take a Zumba class at the rec center.  Do we have anything already scheduled for Tuesday evenings that would interfere?"

Me: "Nope, Tuesdays are free.  Enjoy your class!"

This is not "declaring" nor is it "permission seeking".  This is how people in healthy relationships interact.  But what would I know, my wife and I have only been together for 2 decades.

I agree 100% with this.  I am always amazed at the varied way different husbands and wives interact.  So many husbands actually say they have to "get permission" from their wife to do things?  Seriously?  Since when does a grown adult have to ask permission to do something they enjoy in their free time?

Same goes for the wife.  She is her own person, she doesn't need permission to do her own thing.  My wife and I have interests outside of each other and we never give each other grief about it.  I will certainly make sure she didn't make plans with the in-laws or something, or needs me home to help with something specific... but that is certainly not the same as "my wife is allowing me to play golf this weekend".

Now I understand kids are a big commitment and both partners need to coordinate their schedules to allow them to do the non-kid things they like to do.  But it is certainly do-able.  There is no reason why a married man with a kid can't play a round of golf every week (or the wife go to a Zumba class every week).

A lot of the "asking permission" I see in other couples has nothing to do with whether there is really enough time, or too many other responsibilities that need to be attended to.  It is more about one partner begrudging the other person, for having interests that have zero to do with either them or their kids.  It's sort of a subtle reminder that your personal interests are unimportant and that your me-time can always be revoked at the management's discretion. It's juvenile, really.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont know if I should even step into this one because im not married but Im in a year long relationship where we sleep together every night and what not and I just cant see where I ever have to give up something I love for somebody else if it doesn't harm them in any way. If it means giving up something you love I would reevaluate. You have to be able to do you. Idk. Its hard to explain but I think I agree with burtonda on this one basically.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think a little clarification is needed here.

My excitement stems from being able to get a regular occurrence of time to get to the course.  The reason for the "approval" is the dedicated time in which my wife now knows she is watching our 4 month old son while I am out for half the day.  Nothing about this is asking "permission" to do something I love....it's about coming to an agreed upon schedule of events.

I love my wife and try to have a very give/take relationship....but in no way shape or form would I ever disrespect her and tell her I'm going to the course without considering her time that is sacrificed for it.  After all....it's not easy being a parent and we live for the weekends and free time....so it wouldn't be fair of me to think my needs are more important than hers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Note: This thread is 3347 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Want to join this community?

    We'd love to have you!

    Sign Up
  • Support TST Affiliates

    TourStriker PlaneMate
    Golfer's Journal
    Whoop
    SuperSpeed
    FlightScope Mevo
    Use the code "iacas" for 10% off Mevo and the code "iacasjun21" for 10% off SuperSpeed.
  • Posts

    • If I am understanding this correctly, I've been able to, for over two and a half years now, move stones in bunkers, as long as doing so doesn't move my ball, same as I can do on the fairway or in the rough?   I either missed this entirely or forgot about it.   
    • It was explained to me that they wanted people to remove stones, but not to give them so much freedom that they  could just go messing about willy nilly and moving their ball. So, what they came up with did that.
    • Previously the LR caused a stone to be treated like a MO in all respects. Now the rule doesn't.  Why not?  Why shouldn't the Rule simply deem a stone in a bunker as either a LI or treat it by Rule as one? A safety conscious player could incur a penalty for being safe about a stone but not a walnut. 
    • This argument is like saying that someone who wins the first two games in a best of three competition hasn't won because there were two rounds and not three.
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 3putt71
      3putt71
      (64 years old)
    2. cdutra40
      cdutra40
      (22 years old)
    3. Doovy
      Doovy
      (27 years old)
    4. JLeeWildcat9
      JLeeWildcat9
      (35 years old)

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Welcome to TST! Signing up is free, and you'll see fewer ads and can talk with fellow golf enthusiasts! By using TST, you agree to our Terms of Use, our Privacy Policy, and our Guidelines.

The popup will be closed in 10 seconds...