Invited to play at a private club -- Etiquette?

[ScouseJohnny]

It's not a culture where we tip in order to be treated well, it's a culture where we give people in certain jobs a little something extra for doing a good job. There is a distinction.

Hmmm......I'm not sure I agree with that at all.

Speaking as a foreigner/immigrant, the American tipping culture takes some getting used to. Being British and used to buying each pint from the bar for cash, it took me a little while to understand, on my first trip to the US, why the barman was so damned grumpy (even though I understood that tipping is expected in America, and would have left him some money on leaving).

I don't think you can describe an arrangement where a waitress makes literally next to nothing (isn't the federal minimum for a tipped employee $2.13 per hour?), and the customer is expected to tack 20% or 25% onto his bill in order to ensure she is sufficiently paid, as "a little extra for doing a good job." Likewise, when I look at the check and it says, "For your convenience we automatically add an 18% gratuity for parties of 6 or more," that doesn't exactly represent a voluntarily provided extra little reward for a job well done.

Also, for repeat customers, tipping is indeed paying people to be treated well. I wonder how quickly the club member who is incredibly cheap with his tips gets served at the bar, as compared to the member who wanders around from time to handing out $20s and $100s? Even in more modest environments, wait staff naturally provide better service to those who are known to tip better (and who can blame them)?

The question of why someone's actual salary should be framed in terms of another person's largesse is highly problematic. Personally, I'd rather the food was 20% more expensive, the waitress was properly paid, and I didn't have to tip her. Under the current system, refusing to tip someone who has served your dinner just because the food was bad, or because you are, by nature, a cheap p***k, is still, to all intents and purposes, stealing from the person providing the service (if only morally).

To the original poster: I hope you enjoy your round at the upscale club. I'd be too nervous and self-conscious to enjoy it - from worrying about parking my old SUV in the parking lot, through to hitting some horrific slice under the gaze of a professional caddy, through to thinking that the staff were resentful of being stiffed on their tips, because, as a humble college professor, I couldn't tip as well as, say, a corporate attorney. Being out of one's familiar economic environment is often a disquieting experience.

Luckily, golf's a broad church! Looking forward to my Friday morning hack around the muni...

[MS256]

I suppose I should live in Australia because I think the "tip everybody you can think of" culture is silly.

Most of the time if I disagree with something society deems appropriate for me to do I'm stubborn enough to not play along. Tipping is my exception to that I suppose because I'm usually a generous tipper...but that doesn't stop me from thinking it's ridiculous when I'm expected to do it.

Many times I'm giving somebody a tip that's making more money than I am, not working as hard (sometimes doing a crappy job at that), working a job requiring less skill, and a job with less risk of injury. (That's the silly part).

Then the business owner that isn't paying his employees enough, and expecting me to step up to the plate for him with tips, is living in a mansion on a hill somewhere. (That's the even sillier part).

Left up to me I'll clean my own clubs, carry my own bags, and do for myself pretty much everything else I need or want, thank you very much.

Then if I like you I'll give you a tip (and then some) anyway.

[Golfingdad]

Hmmm......I'm not sure I agree with that at all.

Also, for repeat customers, tipping is indeed paying people to be treated well.

Absolutely.  First round of drinks and you're tipping not (necessarily) for what he just did, but for what you hope he will do ... which is pay attention to you later on.  When you drop the car off at the valet, you're surely not tipping for services rendered, because he hasn't done anything yet.  But that tip could very well land you a closer spot and a speedier exit, so it could be deemed worthwhile for some.

[ay33660]

Wow this has morphed over to a tipping discussion.

Luckily I don't have to deal with this on a daily basis as my club has a very strict no tipping policy. If fact the no tipping policy is explicitly discussed in the members' handbook and a quick trip up to meet the Board of Directors is the consequence of not adhering.

I may be overly sensitive but I get the distinct impression that belonging to a private club is somewhat frowned upon here.

I have been a member of a private golf club since 1997 and sure there are members that are obnoxious snobs and others that you would not want to golf with on a regular basis but the vast majority of the members are just hard working stiffs like everyone else on this forum.

[rkim291968]

After reading the responses, I don't want to be invited to an upscale private golf club .    I did play on a few private golf courses without being invited when they made certain tee times available.   I didn't see any of these stuff that some posters were suggesting (e.g,, $5 tip for cart girl each time?).   Some of the responses reminded me of Caddy Shack movie .     If I ever get invited to play for a private club, I will just be myself (tip appropriately, fix divots, repair ball marks, don't swear, don't play out of turn unless playing ready golf, ..., i.e, do everything I do now for any course).

[Moppy]

My friend, who played the course with his wife, whom I referenced above, grumbled a little about the honest score that comes with caddies too. I am looking forward to it. I have been practicing my putting and short game and practicing keeping my drives straight.

Regarding tipping, I never tip a breakfast waitress less than 20% or a buck, whichever is more. For the reasons given in the clip from Reservoir Dogs.

[mdl]

If the club really is as snooty sat the OP fears, I'd like to think it's a no-cash club.  Wandering around the club dropping $5s or $10s or $20s on all the service staff seems pretty gauche new money to me.  Seems much more in the spirit of pretending you're a British aristocrat with a (very stiff and formal) Victorian sense of decorum and manners and tons of servants around waiting on you to simply pay bills directly to the club every time period and have the club pay the staff a living wage directly.

But on tipping, I agree with @MS256 , and others.  I think it's a dumb American custom to allow people to be paid almost nothing (who can live on $17.04 a day at American cost of living), have cheaper advertised prices, and then force service staff to rely on the whim of customers to make a decent living.  But given that is the custom, I'm always very aware of when I'm being served by someone whose living depends on tips, and I tip generously.

[Golfingdad]

I may be overly sensitive but I get the distinct impression that belonging to a private club is somewhat frowned upon here.

Just don't forget that there is only a tiny fraction of the TST members even posting on this thread and none of us speak for anybody else but ourselves.  There are probably just as many people "here" that belong to clubs or would like to belong to a club as there are guys who dislike private clubs.

[Dave2512]

Depending on what for tipping can definitely be a worthwhile expense. I tip the people at my local restaurants well and it's a good thing for me. Not only do they remember me but I get exceptional service. I can call in my lunch order and they know who I am just by my order and it always ends the same way... "Thanks, how are you today Dave? It will be ready in 5 minutes". Don't even have to tell them who I am.

Another example when I walk into the bar and grill at my home course they know exactly what I want, I never change. I don't even have to ask and if someone at the counter is dicking around they get my order together and place it on the counter first. If they see me in there they know I want 6 Coors Lights in a cooler. I take the exact amount, $19 with $2 tip, lay it down and head for my cart. It's helped me avoid getting stuck behind people out to make a day of golfing because I can get on the course quickly. Because the staff there rotates from bar to pro shop, some of the cart girls work the pro shop counter as well, I get treated like the mayor of the course. Seriously I can pretty much do as I please as long as it doesn't disrupt others. I spend enough money there even the head pro throws me a bone, I get at least one free round a week, he just tosses me a cart key. In fact last night I lost my towel playing free golf, I am always leaving it or losing it, and the cart barn kid got in a freakin' cart and brought it to me before I could get to the 3rd tee. He knows it's my damn towel. That is good service and it sets me back no more than a couple bucks a day.

[flintcreek6412]

I've played dozens of different private clubs as a guest.   Without exception every member provided a quick rundown of the expectations.  They almost all know that each club is different so there is no universal rule that applies to all.   If he hasn't told you what's up you NEED to ask.   You simply explain that different clubs have different expectations and seek clarification for his club.   99.9% of members that invite you expect to pick up the full tab unless you have a friendship where certain things are already understood.   But, it's always appropriate to ask and offer.   I'm a bit shocked that they wouldn't give you a heads up because clubs are so different.   My guess is that it's pretty relaxed or he'd let you know.   After all, your actions as a guest are a reflection on him.

[Hardballs]

I know of a club where there are 3 different entrances to the clubhouse and you must use the appropriate one! (Male, female, guest) Also you can only enter wearing a jacket and your not supposed to take the jacket off unless you have permission off the captain/ vice captain! I find this hilarious and would happily break these "rules" just to rile the pompous idiots that accept them!

[Moppy]

It isn't for a couple of weeks, I am sure my friend will give me the run down. I have never played with a caddie before, and I was really wondering about that. I get it that all private clubs are different, and this one is on a golf course, but it is about more than golf. I am pretty sure my friend will pick up the tab, too. But not so sure I won't have cash handy. I have known him for 20 years or so. I have been to his club more than once, but never to play golf. He likes to invite us there when we visit him and his wife and he usually provides us with an "open bar," though I am sure he gets the tab in the end. I love the "men only" room in the back, with the big screen TV always tuned to sports, and cigars allowed. This club does not appear to be stiffly formal.

What worried me was the idea that playing there might be a lot more formal than our usual ready golf, relaxed rules type of game, playing from the spot where you last saw your ball with a one stroke penalty, etc. I have no interest in playing "tournament golf" although if I were better, I probably would.

[seagullplayer]

I have never played a private club, but I have watched Caddie Shack a number of times.

So I feel I would fit right in...

Hope you have a great time, be sure and report back.  Always curious how the other half live.

[dkolo]

It isn't for a couple of weeks, I am sure my friend will give me the run down. I have never played with a caddie before, and I was really wondering about that. I get it that all private clubs are different, and this one is on a golf course, but it is about more than golf. I am pretty sure my friend will pick up the tab, too. But not so sure I won't have cash handy. I have known him for 20 years or so. I have been to his club more than once, but never to play golf. He likes to invite us there when we visit him and his wife and he usually provides us with an "open bar," though I am sure he gets the tab in the end. I love the "men only" room in the back, with the big screen TV always tuned to sports, and cigars allowed. This club does not appear to be stiffly formal.

What worried me was the idea that playing there might be a lot more formal than our usual ready golf, relaxed rules type of game, playing from the spot where you last saw your ball with a one stroke penalty, etc. I have no interest in playing "tournament golf" although if I were better, I probably would.

Honestly, as long as you hit provisionals for whenever your ball might be in a place where it might be in danger of being lost, you won't have to worry about looking bad in those situations. That's what I do whenever I'm playing an unfamiliar course where I don't know if there's a ball vortex hiding somewhere. Might even make you look all fancy-schmancy if anything, haha.

[Dave2512]

It's the greens that are going to kill you. Trust me on this one.

[Shorty]

Depending on what for tipping can definitely be a worthwhile expense. I tip the people at my local restaurants well and it's a good thing for me. Not only do they remember me but I get exceptional service. I can call in my lunch order and they know who I am just by my order and it always ends the same way... "Thanks, how are you today Dave? It will be ready in 5 minutes". Don't even have to tell them who I am.

Another example when I walk into the bar and grill at my home course they know exactly what I want, I never change. I don't even have to ask and if someone at the counter is dicking around they get my order together and place it on the counter first. If they see me in there they know I want 6 Coors Lights in a cooler. I take the exact amount, $19 with $2 tip, lay it down and head for my cart. It's helped me avoid getting stuck behind people out to make a day of golfing because I can get on the course quickly. Because the staff there rotates from bar to pro shop, some of the cart girls work the pro shop counter as well, I get treated like the mayor of the course. Seriously I can pretty much do as I please as long as it doesn't disrupt others. I spend enough money there even the head pro throws me a bone, I get at least one free round a week, he just tosses me a cart key. In fact last night I lost my towel playing free golf, I am always leaving it or losing it, and the cart barn kid got in a freakin' cart and brought it to me before I could get to the 3rd tee. He knows it's my damn towel. That is good service and it sets me back no more than a couple bucks a day.

Is this supposed to be satire? I hope it is.

[charliek98]

I feel like your overthinking this. I belong to a top club in my state and when I bring guests, as long as they are polite and not screwing up the course, there's no problem. Now it may be different since I am 15 and know the head pro very well, but I don think its a big deal

[Dave2512]

Is this supposed to be satire? I hope it is.

No everything actually happens as told. I get treated very well at the places I frequent for a variety of reasons. You wouldn't understand.