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I am calling you out as a non-golfer IF.........................


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You are making a real ass of yourself lately. You are a non-golfer if you can not treat fellow golfers with the respect due to them, regardless of their score or the CR of the course on which they sh

Not me! A golf ball with a demonstrated affinity for the water has a horrible character flaw that cannot be changed.  It should never be trusted again!

I made a 12 on a par-3 once......with NO PENALTY STROKES!

If you don't spend most of your work day on thesandtrap.com no matter how many times they have threatened to fire you.

And I am still a real golfer since I switched to ProV1s about a month ago. That one almost got me. Not that I need a list to validate it. My wife and I went golfing yesterday in a light rain the entire round, CPO and we were the only ones on the course when we started and finished. After that I can't possilby lose my 'real golfer" card.

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It rules out a considerable portion of the golfing world.  That's why I contend that if everybody is honest, we have all likely violated at least one of the "rules" already listed.

I talk about stuff other than golf during the round.  How can you not?

I've had to count all of my strokes in my head (and even using my finger to point ) occasionally.

I sometimes carry a big umbrella.

I sometimes dress snazzy - even with a purple sweater.

I frequently don't use ProV1's

I used to putt with my glove on.

And there are a few more I think I've violated as well, so at this point, it seems it's fair to say that I am, at best, maybe 63.4% of a real golfer.

1

63.4% is still pretty solid, you're a "real" golfer 3.11333 times out of 5 :-D .   I must have missed the no talking about anything other than golf part, because that definitely rules me out.

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If you play in sandals (flip-flops) ...

I've got my golf crocs on right now! [quote name="David in FL" url="/t/77399/i-am-calling-you-out-as-a-non-golfer-if/36#post_1060768"] I made a 12 on a par-3 once......with NO PENALTY STROKES!   :doh: [/quote] I think I want to hear this story. That's impressive.

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You're not a real golfer if you don't take off your shoes, socks and rollup your pants to hit that ball lying on that bed of pond scum mud in a hazard. Screw the mud from head to toe! And then play the rest of the hole barefoot. You're not a real golfer if you've never told a buddy to hold your beer while you putt.
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If you only go out when it's sunny and in the 70's.

In my neck of the woods that's about 330 days a year.  No reason to play if it's not sunny and in the 70's

I am calling you out as a non-golfer if the 15th club in your bag is one of these..............

No real golfer carries one of these...LOL

I thought golfing was just a great big easter egg hunt.

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I'd say I'm 23.2% of a real golfer.  Just the shell - I play golf, but I'm empty inside.

63.4% is still pretty solid, you're a "real" golfer 3.11333 times out of 5  .

Do we need to set up an RGI (Real Golfer Index TM )?

It would be based on our behavior over the last 20 rounds, of course, taking our best behavior-laden rounds.  Probably need to set up a set of rules to allow for some deviations from place to place:  different courses would have different ratings (some things tolerated or not, based on the local social environment and setup of the course).

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Really have to laugh at some of these post and hope they are meant in jest.  Otherwise a lot of sanctimonious aholes here :-) .

Your a real golfer if you play as often as your schedule permits, follow the rules as best as you know how, and after the round can't wait to come back out and torture yourself again! :beer:

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I'm definitely a non-golfer. I know a couple of golfers and can tell when I play with them that I don't qualify. They don't have many bad rounds and are usually around par or better.

I also ALWAYS have a ball retriever in my bag. I probably have retrieved other people's golf balls 20 to 1 over retrieving my own.

Note: I have also retrieved a few balls for the few "golfers" that I know since they never have a ball retriever in their bag. ;-)

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Really have to laugh at some of these post and hope they are meant in jest.  Otherwise a lot of sanctimonious aholes here :-) . Your a real golfer if you play as often as your schedule permits, follow the rules as best as you know how, and after the round can't wait to come back out and torture yourself again! :beer:

Trust me, all in fun! But now, let's talk, 51 posts in 5 freaking years?! Stick around and join the fun! :beer:

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I am calling you out as a non-golfer if the 15th club in your bag is one of these..............

No real golfer carries one of these...LOL

I play with a 3 handicapper who carries one of these in his bag....he never holds up play. For three years now he supplies the guys in my league with whatever golf ball they're using...I haven't paid for a PRO V in so long I can't remember !...(I have on occasion finished a round of golf with him, and gone back to a long par 3 or 4 over water and fished out 400-500 balls)!!!

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True confession time .... I too have a ball retriever, difference is it's the short 6' retractible type that fits in the pocket of my bag .... it remains in stealth mode until I see a pile of easter eggs with nobody around to harass me about using it

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In my neck of the woods that's about 330 days a year. No reason to play if it's not sunny and in the 70's

I don't think "hate" is too strong a word when I think what it would be like to play golf year 'round (somehow, "envious" just doesn't cut it). Of course, the hatred is directed at my own decision to move up here.  Then again, there's nothing quite like having the entire course to myself when the weather isn't ideal.

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... you won't play if it's below 50°F

Some of us can't, because it never really gets that cold. B-)

If you prefer the range, to an actual round of golf.....

Ooh. . .low blow to the range rats.

You carry your golf bag on your shoulder with the clubs pointing backward.

Laughed just thinking about this one.

I made a 12 on a par-3 once......with NO PENALTY STROKES!

Let me guess, you forgot every club but your putter?

Your a non golfer if you don't offer to let faster players play through.

So, true. If you're a real golfer you feel guilty just thinking about slowing anyone down.

I'm not sure you can be a golfer if you don't have at least one superstition that a non-golfer would find nuts.

Like rubbing your clubs at least 3 times with your lucky dirt strewn towel? :-$

Disagree.  It's bad enough that I have to putt over the guys ball mark ... now you're telling me I'm going to have to chip over his body?!?!?!

BTW, is there a single member of this thread that is a golfer anymore??  I would put good money on that answer being no.

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No, because you bury his body in the bunker. Any real golfer knows that one. :-$

You arent a real golfer if your "real" bag isnt a little worn or dirty.

Or have writing on it saying things like "relax", "steady head", "swing naturally", "shift weight forward, not backwards", "elbows together". :smartass:

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