Husband and Wife Relations

[Gator Hazard]

A lot of sad, little men trying to paint themselves as super heroes in this thread.

Not sure if that is directed at me, I merely disagreed with what I thought were some pretty unorthodox points of view as far as husband and wife relations go.

[Ernest Jones]

Not sure if that is directed at me, I merely disagreed with what I thought were some pretty unorthodox points of view as far as husband and wife relations go.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't paid close attention to who is saying what, more of a general comment on some of the sentiments being expressed. Not going to single anyone out as most seem to be decent fellows outside of this particular topic. Anyone can read through the three themselves and form their own opinions on the various posts.

[14ledo81]

I am a realist. Look up the definition. I see things for the way they are, not for the way I wish they would be.

My point has little to do with the topic.

I think you see things the way "you" think they really are.  Who is to say you are right?

My definition of what is "real" (at least pertaining to the topic at hand), may be quite a bit different than yours.

[Abu3baid]

My point has little to do with the topic. I think you see things the way "you" think they really are.  Who is to say you are right? My definition of what is "real" (at least pertaining to the topic at hand), may be quite a bit different than yours.

Great point..

[Gator Hazard]

To be perfectly honest, I haven't paid close attention to who is saying what, more of a general comment on some of the sentiments being expressed. Not going to single anyone out as most seem to be decent fellows outside of this particular topic. Anyone can read through the three themselves and form their own opinions on the various posts.

Exactly, at the end of the day that is what a forum is about, a place for people to express their opinions, observations, knowledge, experiences etc. about different topics.  This one happened to be of a more personal nature to begin with as it dealt directly with how people interact with their spouses.

My point has little to do with the topic.

I think you see things the way "you" think they really are.  Who is to say you are right?

My definition of what is "real" (at least pertaining to the topic at hand), may be quite a bit different than yours.

Agreed.  Goes back to the old idea of a persons perception is reality.  It is their reality if they perceive it to be real.

[turtleback]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phil McGleno

Oh I get it-This is the thread where @Duff McGee reveals that he thinks he is all knowing about something but really just keeps coming off like a fool because he read one book and has been married or slept with roughly 0.00000% of the female population.

Cripes kid you have got a lot to learn.

And what this has to do with playing golf is beyond me.-I live golf but enjoy my time away and most of that is spent with my wife, whom I cherish and consider a partner. Talk to me when you have been married 40 years.

Your appeal to authority (age) fallacy means nothing to me. What about my post offended you so badly? Why don't you try to attack my arguments with evidence instead of your pathetic insults?

You are calling out a logical fallacy?  You?

Hilarious.

[boogielicious]

Let's all dial it back a bit please!

[Lihu]

[quote name="mdl" url="/t/84249/husband-and-wife-relations/120#post_1194550"] Given the ratio of story time to evidence in your posts in this thread, I'm not sure I'd start with the how about some evidence bluster...

He said "you are a fool and I am older and wiser and you are wrong." I backed up my comments with explanations. There are tons of studies on this that are only a Google search away. But it doesn't matter. Many of the posters on here understand and the others rely on conventional wisdom. It's odd that I was attacked for my opinions which did not insult anyone. Maybe what I said hit too close to home for some of you and this is some kind of defense mechanism. I don't remember attacking anyone, yet I have been berrated for about 3 full pages for very reasonable things I have said as well as things I actually never said. I know this is a tough concept for some people, but just because about 4 people disagreed with something one person says doesn't mean you can take all four of those posters' posts and combine them into one giant scapegoat.[/quote] No one attacked you. You just sounded boastful that you and your wife are perfect and realistically everyone else is doomed to adulterous relationships and you could tell from miles away. That seemed a little bit "reaching".

[Golfingdad]

I know this is a tough concept for some people, but just because about 4 people disagreed with something one person says doesn't mean you can take all four of those posters' posts and combine them into one giant scapegoat.

Ironically, you are doing the same thing here.  I have no comments in regards to anybody's actual relationship posts but your argument above works against you just as much as it works for you.  Just because only 4 state on this thread that they disagree does not mean that everybody else agrees, nor does it even mean that the majority agrees with you.   So the 6 or 8 (or whatever) number of guys on your side could be the only ones for all you know.

And on top of that, the quantity of people who agree or disagree with you still has no bearing on the accuracy of your assertions.

[Mr. Desmond]

Ironically, you are doing the same thing here.  I have no comments in regards to anybody's actual relationship posts but your argument above works against you just as much as it works for you.  Just because only 4 state on this thread that they disagree does not mean that everybody else agrees, nor does it even mean that the majority agrees with you.   So the 6 or 8 (or whatever) number of guys on your side could be the only ones for all you know.

And on top of that, the quantity of people who agree or disagree with you still has no bearing on the accuracy of your assertions.

Duff, go back to litigating in Tacoma. You will make more money.

Use TST for the golf discussion ...

[Duff McGee]

My point has little to do with the topic. I think you see things the way "you" think they really are.  Who is to say you are right? My definition of what is "real" (at least pertaining to the topic at hand), may be quite a bit different than yours.

Viewing the human race as these righteous beings with outliers that cheat or have natural urges or such or to ignore out evolutionary roots is delusional. But I guess that's just my opinion right? I mean, most people would never engage in war, be greedy, have affairs, and do other things that have existed throughout the history of mankind......it's only the very few right?

[Duff McGee]

Ironically, you are doing the same thing here.  I have no comments in regards to anybody's actual relationship posts but your argument above works against you just as much as it works for you.  Just because only 4 state on this thread that they disagree does not mean that everybody else agrees, nor does it even mean that the majority agrees with you.   So the 6 or 8 (or whatever) number of guys on your side could be the only ones for all you know. And on top of that, the quantity of people who agree or disagree with you still has no bearing on the accuracy of your assertions.

My point was that each of us have our own unique opinions and that just because about 4 of us seem to generally agree doesn't mean we all agree about everything. About 75% of what I have been accused of saying (and yes, attackrd out of left field) I actually never said. I have repeated over and over again that my wife and I are a team and I never boss her around or, for god's sake, try to limit her into some kind of slave job at my business like someone said. I never went into personal attacks like that not have I said anything that should have been offensive enough for someone to blindly attack me like that. I'm always trying to encourage my wife to have her own life and to pursue her ambitions. That's just one example of someone strangely putting words in my mouth.

[Gator Hazard]

Alrighty, I would say this has come full circle in that everyone has their own way of living life.  I apologize to anyone I have offended either directly or inadvertently.  I think this has value however in that it shows no one person or one couples relationship dynamic is universal.  We all have different things, everyone likes a certain lifestyle etcetera.  I know I did more than my fair share to instigate contentious debate but I thought it was good.  At the end of the day, sounds like we all love our wives and we all love golf.

Lets talk about golf now.

Lastly, I'm right, you are all wrong.  Nana nana boo boo, for all who disagree I hope your second shot is out of doo doo.

:)

[Duff McGee]

Alrighty, I would say this has come full circle in that everyone has their own way of living life.  I apologize to anyone I have offended either directly or inadvertently.  I think this has value however in that it shows no one person or one couples relationship dynamic is universal.  We all have different things, everyone likes a certain lifestyle etcetera.  I know I did more than my fair share to instigate contentious debate but I thought it was good.  At the end of the day, sounds like we all love our wives and we all love golf.   Lets talk about golf now. Lastly, I'm right, you are all wrong.  Nana nana boo boo, for all who disagree I hope your second shot is out of doo doo. :)

Thanks for that but you really don't have anything to apologize for as I remember correctly. Disagreeing should always be encouraged and respected for the most part. Attacking people's personal lives crosses the line which I don't remember you doing.

[Gator Hazard]

Thanks for that but you really don't have anything to apologize for as I remember correctly. Disagreeing should always be encouraged and respected for the most part. Attacking people's personal lives crosses the line which I don't remember you doing.

Thanks Duff. Hope you have a great weekend with the wife and on the course.

Cheers.

[Golfingdad]

Thanks for that but you really don't have anything to apologize for as I remember correctly. Disagreeing should always be encouraged and respected for the most part. Attacking people's personal lives crosses the line which I don't remember you doing.

[quote name="Gator Hazard" url="/t/84249/husband-and-wife-relations/120#post_1195102"]Thanks Duff. Hope you have a great weekend with the wife and on the course. Cheers. :beer: [/quote]Kudos to both of you for the civility. :)

[Duff McGee]

Thanks Duff. Hope you have a great weekend with the wife and on the course. Cheers. :beer:

Hopefully I can get her addicted to golf so I can enjoy my golf weekends WITH her too, but I know that's another thread lol. Have fun out there.

[Braivo]

Alrighty, I would say this has come full circle in that everyone has their own way of living life.  I apologize to anyone I have offended either directly or inadvertently.  I think this has value however in that it shows no one person or one couples relationship dynamic is universal.  We all have different things, everyone likes a certain lifestyle etcetera.  I know I did more than my fair share to instigate contentious debate but I thought it was good.  At the end of the day, sounds like we all love our wives and we all love golf.

Lets talk about golf now.

Lastly, I'm right, you are all wrong.  Nana nana boo boo, for all who disagree I hope your second shot is out of doo doo.

:)

Don't apologize. You simply participated in a debate amongst men about a topic that is of utmost importance in our lives - how we relate to women.

Now that this thread is in the OT section I feel as though I can respond to some of your thoughts from earlier.

In the original thread you called me out on a few statements I made regarding "leading" and the difference between what a woman says she wants and what she actually wants. Admittedly, those statements did not come across as I had intended because i knew it was off-topic and out of respect for Erik and this site I get very uneasy when things go OT.

As human beings we crave leadership. There are numerous studies that show our instinctual tendency to defer to authority figures, etc. Groups, families, nations, etc. that find themselves with a vacuum of leadership often find themselves in trouble. This explains Trump's popularity, in a field of apologetic softies he comes across as a powerful leader, and people flock to this despite disagreeing with his policies and views.

When it comes to families it is no different. There must be leadership. A family must have a leader, someone who points the family in the desired moral direction. Can this be the wife? Sure it can, but women are nurturers by nature, not leaders. Some embrace the role of leading a family, but most will subconsciously resent this role eventually. This is all supported by studies that show women leaders are simply not very happy. The large climb up the corporate ladder has left many women shocked to find it isn't all that great up there.

Now by "leading" I don't mean telling your wife what to do, think, etc. This isn't about that at all. It isn't a "my way or the highway" type of leadership. Rather it is about setting the tone for your marriage and family. You likely chose your wife because she shared your values, that in itself is your fist act of leadership, you weren't going to start a family with someone that didn't want to follow your moral path, correct?

As for women saying one thing and meaning another, again, there are studies (I'll have to look them up) that show women describing their perfect mate as "nice" and "agreeable", etc. etc. yet when shown pictures of men they'd like to date they choose the ones with facial features that match closely with narcissism and psychopathy - in other words the "bad boy". So when a woman says she wants a "sensitive, nice guy" that is her logical brain speaking, and she isn't being dishonest. However, at a more primal, evolutionary level she craves a strong man that makes her feel safe, that will protect her and her children. And who is likely to do that? Right, the muscular guy who isn't afraid to be disagreeable and ruffle some feathers. The classic "jerk" or "bad boy".

I hope you can now better understand where I am coming from with those statements, they were not meant to be misogynistic and I certainly don't claim to have all of the answers. These are simply theories relating to human behavior that I have observed to have some truth to them.

Thanks for that but you really don't have anything to apologize for as I remember correctly. Disagreeing should always be encouraged and respected for the most part. Attacking people's personal lives crosses the line which I don't remember you doing.

The attacks are unnecessary and really just show poor emotional control on the part of the attackers. Men having an intellectual discussion about human behavior, nothing wrong with that, but taking it personally and attacking is wrong. You took the attacks well, cheers