Can a marriage between an avid golfer and a non-golfer work?

[Patch]

My wife has tried golf, but  never really got into it to enjoy the full deal. Had a chat about this thread with her the other night. She told me she enjoyed our putting matches, driving the cart, and meeting some of the folks I would randomly golf with. She also told me that she knew how much I liked playing the game, and that it was important for me to have that time to myself. She also likes her time away from me just as much. 

[Pendragon]

We've been married 37 years and it's worked fine so far. My wife has never played...and has no desire to ever play...and I've always played at least twice a week, now 5 or 6 times a week since I retired about 18 months ago. Of course, she still works full time, but will be retiring in April. At that point, I may need to alter my golf schedule a bit, but that's OK with me.

A lot of my buddies have wives who play, but most of them seldom play golf with their wives other than the occasional mixed club event. 

[tristanhilton85]

Voted yes. I've been married over 10 years and my wife has been on the course maybe three times.

[iacas]

5 minutes ago, tristanhilton85 said:

Voted yes. I've been married over 10 years and my wife has been on the course maybe three times.

That's as often as you've been on the course in the last year or so, too, isn't it?

[tristanhilton85]

3 minutes ago, iacas said:

That's as often as you've been on the course in the last year or so, too, isn't it?

I don't know about the last year, but between getting promoted in September and having the kid in November, I've definitely slowed way down. I think in that time I've played maybe four or five times.

[inthehole]

On ‎12‎/‎23‎/‎2015 at 8:46 AM, inthehole said:

I got the best of both worlds ... neither my wife or I ever golfed when we got married.    We're late bloomers (no kids) & took the sport up together & she's (almost) as avid as I am ... never have to worry about her not wanting to play.    It's truly a great couples activity ... but seems both have to be avid for it to work

The common thread I'm seeing here is that if the husband/boyfriend is already a serious established golfer when they become a couple, it's almost impossible for the woman to become a serious golfer for a variety of reasons.    I ran into this with skiing - I was pretty avid at the time I got married ... tried to get my wife into it but it's just difficult when one person is proficient and the other is a rank beginner.    It just doesn't seem to work out (very often anyways) when one person is a lot better than the other at any sporting activity ...

[tasker]

I voted no - in my case it was a complete non-runner over 16 years of marriage.

During the years we had kids, I basically gave up the game to devote time to our family and to our house.  With the expectation that normal golf patterns would resume as the kids aged and as life got simpler.  Needless to say this did not occur and became a substantial source of conflict and discontent.  As golf was my primary social (and physical) activity, this was a very big problem for me.

While golf was not the reason for our separation, it was a strongly symbolic aspect that made me realize how important it is to have expectations set and agreed. 

 

So if any of you lucky fellas (or girls) has a golf loving sister ......

[vangator]

I've been married to a non golfing wife for 34 years.  I was an hour late for our first date 40 years ago because my golf league ran over.  Broke her in right.

[nickyreno]

This is kind of a loaded question. Studies would have to be limited in comparison to other athletics as the lack of celebrity status and frequent traveling would significantly decrease the risk of infidelity for amateur golfers. So my guess would be:

Professional Golfers: Theoretically would be at higher risk for divorce.

Amateur Golfers: Theoretically would have a greater chance of marital success.

[djfajt71]

I voted yes, in hopes that I am correct.  When I met my wife 6 years ago, I was on a break from golf.  I had become so frustrated with my game, that I gave it up for awhile.  About 4 years ago, my father in law wanted to go golfing and I said I would go for Father's Day.  We went and I enjoyed it.  But, I didn't go again until the next Father's Day.  We went again, but this time the bug burrowed it's way into my system and I haven't looked back!  Now I talk, watch, read, and think golf.  My wife just looks at me like I was taken over by a body snatcher. 

[sixcat]

My wife played golf with me once before we were married.  She didn't like anything about it and hasn't given it another thought.  She doesn't mind my playing becasue she knows it will never come before or between anything involving our family.  Most anything done to excess will likely lead to divorce.  Not placing your family above all else will likely lead to a lot worse, especially if you have children.  We have been married for nearly 15 years and have two daughters aged 11 and 8.  

[mchepp]

14 hours ago, vangator said:

I've been married to a non golfing wife for 34 years.  I was an hour late for our first date 40 years ago because my golf league ran over.  Broke her in right.

That is a funny story. 

[PEZGolf]

On 12/30/2015 at 11:45 PM, inthehole said:

The common thread I'm seeing here is that if the husband/boyfriend is already a serious established golfer when they become a couple, it's almost impossible for the woman to become a serious golfer for a variety of reasons.    I ran into this with skiing - I was pretty avid at the time I got married ... tried to get my wife into it but it's just difficult when one person is proficient and the other is a rank beginner.    It just doesn't seem to work out (very often anyways) when one person is a lot better than the other at any sporting activity ...

Here is MY FINAL ANSWER: some days, it works. Other days, it does NOT work at all!

[vangator]

19 hours ago, mchepp said:

That is a funny story. 

My wife later told me her mother told her I was a bum and dump me.  My mother-in-law is a very astute judge of character.  I was that close to be free!

[inthehole]

19 hours ago, PEZGolf said:

Here is MY FINAL ANSWER: some days, it works. Other days, it does NOT work at all!

odd response - doesn't seem to apply at all to the discussion.     In a marriage, the replies indicate couples golf either works or it doesn't - can't imagine it varies from day to day...

[Mr. Desmond]

I think the answer is neither yes nor no -- it is whether you choose wisely, the extent of communication, and your ability to put away your ego and be aware.

Some guys with ego will blow off their wife's concerns.

Some guys are not aware of the extent of their golf addiction - they don't think what they're doing is a big deal, but if they did an impartial accounting, they might see reality.

You've got to be able to afford your avocation (not addiction - no one can $$ or psychologically afford an addiction).

When you enter into marriage, you've made a choice -- golf is hard but marriage is harder over the long term, or so I've heard. I was not good at relationships because frankly, I had to take time off to get my own grasp on reality, and I chose my partners poorly.

I have lots of stories ... but let's button this down.

Be a realist, look in the mirror, be accountable, talk in meaningful terms, and see if your partner can do the same. If not, back out of the non-marital relationship. If golf is causing issues within marriage - find a good coach - marriage coach. Good luck out there.

[Mr. Desmond]

To add, if golf is causing an issue in the marriage, it is a symptom of more serious issues within the marriage.

[PEZGolf]

12 hours ago, inthehole said:

odd response - doesn't seem to apply at all to the discussion.     In a marriage, the replies indicate couples golf either works or it doesn't - can't imagine it varies from day to day...

It fits our marriage for 36 years. Did you ever watch the movie War of Roses" with Michael Douglas? The final scene sums up the entire movie.