There’s No Crying in Golf!

Bart Lower is defeated by Kip Henley III, and Don “Ninja Turtle” Donatello cries like a little girl.

Don DonatelloThe Golf Channel’s hit series (they have only one, after all, so it wins by default), “The Big Break II” continued into episode nine last week after yet another boring “compilation” show. With the number of contestants down to three, this penultimate show offered the most tension thus far. Viewers of this episode were cleanly split into two camps: those that completely despise Kip (aka Bleach Boy) and those that haven’t yet seen an episode.

The skills challenge, which would guarantee the winner a spot in the final match, included long-drive and putting segments. Points would be awarded based on distance, but the shot had to be in the fairway. “Imagine being as nervous as you can possibly be and trying to thread a needle. That’s what we’re trying to do out here,” said fan favorite Bart Lower “And if you don’t thread it, you lose.”

In the driving segment, each player hit five drives. Drives in the fairway counted: 8 points were offered for a 300+ yard drive, 7 for 290, 6 for 280, and so on. Bart Lower bombed an 8-point tee-shot on his first drive. Ninja Turtle managed a 4-pointer, and Kip (aka Bleach Boy) was not a factor. Bart then hit a ball well right, and Donatella poured a 6-pointer out there. Bart pushed another one left and Donatello missed one left. Bart then hit a 7-point drive but missed the fairway by no more than a foot. A FOOT! Ninja Turtle immediately said “it’s in the rough” of course. Bart then blasted the ball about 340 yards and straight, earning himself 8 points for a total of 16.

Ninja Turtle, with the pressure on, could barely place his ball on the tee his hands were shaking so badly. “I said, ‘If you want this bad enough, you’ll hit it low and you’ll run it all the way down there,'” said Turtle on his final chance. “I knew when it left my club that it was going to be awfully close.” It wasn’t too close, and Ninja Turtle earned himself a solid 8 points for a total of 18. Ninja Turtle #1, Bart #2, and BleachBoy a lowly third.

The players moved to the putting green and faced putts of 15, 40, and 65 feet. The player who had the best-combined finish would receive the elimination exemption, so Bart had to finish first to have a good shot at the immunity. Ninja Turtle once again could barely set the ball down on the green. Putting first, Ninja Turtle prematurely pumped his fist and took a step only to see his putt lip out. “I hit that putt perfect and I went to step because I thought I made it,” said Turtle. “That might be the last time I ever step toward the hole like I made it.” BleachBoy and Bart two-putted as well.

Bart then holed the 40-footer, and players two-putted everything else. This put Ninja Turtle in a playoff with Bleach Boy. They went three rounds on the 15-footer before Ninja Turtle sank one and Kip could not. Bart then faced off against Ninja Turtle for first place in the overall competition: Bart having finished #2, #1 and Turtle #1, #2. They played a new putt, a 25-footer, and Ninja Turtle’s third attempt went in, giving him immunity.

Then he began to cry. And cry, and cry, and cry. Rick Smith revoked his immunity and kicked him out, saying “Big Break III is all women, you sissy, come back then!” Okay, maybe I just daydreamed that part… Rick Smith said of Ninja Turtle’s immunity “A lot of relief there. A lot of pressure builds up that people might not realize.”

So: Bart and Kip in the mulligan challenge: The Wall. Flop shots to a green. 1 point for a shot on the green, 2 for a shot in a big circle, and 3 for a smaller circle. Multipliers let players choose how close to the wall they wanted to be. Kip, again, was not a factor. He hit the wall, dunked a shot in the water fronting the green, and was easily defeated by Bart.

The elimination challenge loomed, and for the first time in what seems like the entire show, Bart was in it. Playing in a 3-hole modified Stableford match, BleachBoy and Bart would face a short par 4, a par 3, and a long par 4. “The elimination was three holes. Not easy holes,” recalled Lower. “Definitely not holes you want to face when your stomach is in your throat.”

On the first, both drove successfully in the fairway, but Bart thinned a sand wedge over the green. He had to chip to get up and down to match Kip’s par, but did so. On the next, a 172-yard par 3, Bart blocked an 8I 20 feet right of the green and Kip played safely to the left. Bart powered his first chip 10 feet past, took a mulligan, and chipped to two feet. Kip two-putted for a par and Bart again made a par save, but lost his mulligan doing so.

Moving to the last hole tied, both players hit strong tee shots. With Kip facing a sidehill lie, Bart played safe with a 9I approach, leaving himself 25 feet from the hole. BleachBoy, who hasn’t made a putt longer than 3 feet all week, contemplated playing safe but went at the flag. He hit the shot of the series, sticking his 9I to two feet.

Bart missed, Kip made. And that was that.

“I’m a huge, huge believer in fate. And how I got beat that was just the way it was suppose to be,” said Lower. “Maybe this will offer me an opportunity where I’ll get a chance to really work on my game and really see how far I can take it. This experience was once in a lifetime and it’s something I’ll never forget.”

Big Break II Final Matchup: Ninja Turtle vs. BleachBoy

Tune in to The Golf Channel December 14th at 9pm ET.

2 thoughts on “There’s No Crying in Golf!”

  1. Not that I am enamoured with Kip, but he’s definitely higher on the totem pole than Don is for me. That guy drives me up a wall and I wanted him gone many many episodes ago. To see him in the finals disgusts me. It’s a shame Bart’s not there, because I really do feel he’s the best player of those three yet Kip snuck through with one lucky shot. Bart just picked the worst time to have an off day.

  2. Are you serious? Kip showed what he was made of while under pressure! When his back was against the wall he always came through, thats not luck! If they played again Kip would win again! Don’t be a hater… Kip rocks, especially for an old man.

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