The ballyhoo prior to this year’s U.S. Open reached a fevered pitch. Analysts the world over predicted that Mickelson was going to grab another major and run. He had played so well at the start of the year. His double driver strategy was sheer genius and he trounced the field by 13 shots at the BellSouth classic. That was all before the old Phil showed up on the final hole of the Open.
But let’s give Phil a little more credit. Gone are the “best player to have never won a major” days. He’s proven he can do it and one little bitty mess on the final hole of the U.S. Open won’t change that. Phil will win again.
Tiger had fallen out of favor with the media because his putter wouldn’t behave at the Masters. His father’s passing and subsequent missed cut at the U.S. Open brought further media doubt. The King of the Golf World had fallen off his throne and the heir-apparent was ready to snatch the crown.
These are the real-life battles fought by world’s top two golfers. Let’s leave the golf course for a moment and head to the 19th hole for a little behind the scenes banter. Lets get ready to rumble: Tiger and Phil square off celebrity death match style…
Hottest Wife
Phil: Amy is a mom of three and a downright looker. Phil, you married way above yourself. Count your blessings, big guy.
Tiger: That whole Swedish nanny thing is really kinky and Elin is hotter than a pawn shop pistol.
Winner: Tie. I’m not dissing either of the two hottest wives on tour. Tiger and Phil both made out like bandits.
Recent Victories
Phil: Phil is 3 for 11 in the recent majors. While Phil gets high marks for turning up the major-mojo in the last three years we can’t forget that final-hole meltdown at the U.S. Open.
Tiger: Tiger crushes opponents like a bug. Then he smiles and watches them convulse on the final green. Phil may be 3 for 11, Tiger is 3 for 7.
Winner: Tiger. Why? “9 & 8”
Hair
Phil: The recent flowing locks are a huge improvement over the haircut Phil sported since 5th grade. It was past time to move on and if its not a step in the right direction at least its a step.
Tiger: Remember the blond streaks at the end of last season? While there is no doubt he’s the world’s best golfer there is plenty of evidence to show he doesn’t have the best fashion sense.
Winner: Phil by a hair.
Smiles
Phil: Can we have a moment of honesty? Phil’s “Bering Sea Stare” and goofy grin can creep a guy out. It’s high time for Phil to get a smile makeover.
Tiger: Tiger’s teeth and his sparkling eyes drive women crazy. The $50 kazillion he has the bank doesn’t hurt either.
Winner: Tiger by more than the skin of his teeth.
Fans
Phil: He’s extremely popular with fans. He spends long hours signing autographs and isn’t afraid to banter with fans. After his U.S. Open collapse he stood up and took his medicine by answering questions, making a statement to the press, and signing autographs. I’d have crawled into a thimble.
Tiger: There has never been another Tiger Woods. Jack Nicklaus owns the record but Tiger will likely surpass him and we get a front row seat to history in the making. People love to see him grind out win after win after win.
Winner: Phil for now, but history will prove Tiger wins. He has dominated the sport like no other.
Crazy Antics
Phil: Neither Phil, nor Tiger, strike me as particularly “crazy.” Unless you consider Phil’s “I-could-just-as-easily-toss-your-clubs-into-a-water-hazard-as-shake-your-hand-grin” crazy. Or his sidekick Dave Pelz.
Tiger: Bungee jumping and racing stock cars.
Winner: Phil, because that grin is one crazy antic!
And The Winner Is…
Tiger Woods knocks off Phil Mickelson, 3½ to 2½, in one of the closest bouts in history. Okay, so it’s our first matchup here in ProFiles, but you get the point.
Amy over Ellin? Jeff, I don’t know what you’re drinking, but stop before it does more damage 🙂 Sorry dude, but if one has ANY trace of testasterone in his body he’ll ALWAYS pick a swedish model over a (pretty face, agreed) mother of 3.
😉
I’m with Jeff on the wife situation. There is no way I could pick one or the other. There is something special about a pretty mother of three. 🙂 Either way, they both married up as Jeff mentioned.
Nice article Jeff! It was a fun read.