What’s a GEF, Anyway?

Whether it’s expanding, or it is simply a particular culture of obsession which has bubbled to the surface, the community of golf equipment fetishists is a presence across the World Wide Web as well as the non “e” world.

In forums, such as the one on this site or those at our partner golfwrx.com and elsewhere, begging for access to equipment trailers at PGA Tour events nationwide (and presumably at Nationwide Tour events, also) scouring eBay and “buying/selling” threads for premium equipment and rare goods, GEFs are here and they are thoroughly obsessed.

What of this obsession? What’s the substance of this thing? The Merriam-Webster dictionary (or at least the online version) defines obsession as “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.” Adopting this as our definition, of course, brings about the necessary question: What is the “unreasonable idea or feeling” which the GEFs are so tirelessly pursuing? What keeps them up at night, or has them salivating in pro shops across the world? What drives them to add paintfills, remove paintfills, hit the launch monitor, bend irons, hard step, regrip, regroove, reshaft, research specs, plug, tape and flame? To finish, to fix, to grind for a flop shot, to grind for a shallow angle of attack, and to fluctuate between drivers three times a week (looking for optimal ball flight, of course)?

The preoccupation, I think, is with assembling the “ultimate bag,” or the “ultimate set.” To some degree, GEFs are concerned with having shoes, belt buckles, gloves, sunglasses, hats, etc, but such minor equipment is usually not treated with the same level of reverence as the sacred sticks and their receptacle (sometimes an obscure staff bag, sometimes a vintage Ping Hoofer).

There is, for the GEF, an element of personal preference and an element of a more universal truth in assembling one’s ultimate bag. For example, if I am profoundly enamored of the color pink, then there is no question the paintfill in my custom stamped wedge must be pink, in accordance with my deepest desires, and of course, not just any pink, but a color which I have laboriously selected from a multitude of shades. However, the wedge must be a Cleveland, Titleist, or obscure hand forged Japanese variety to rate, as any quality-obsessed GEF would know (TaylorMade may qualify, or a Scratch will do).

The unreasonable idea, of course, is that this ultimate bag may be put together for any sustained period of time. Especially given the highly perishable nature of “the best” golf equipment, either with respect to the most current driver, or with respect to the whimsical putter grip which most satisfies a GEF’s fancy. These things are ever fluctuating. As such, it is an inherently fruitless quest. The GEF may know this on some level, but don’t expect him or her to stop tinkering, settle on a putter, determine the optimal shaft or decide once and for all whether a two wedge setup is better than the three wedge variety.

Time is very much an issue of concern for the GEF. There is at once the desire to be on the cutting edge of golf technology (if that technology is worth its salt, of course). As such you will see with this type a fixation on what Tour professionals have recently put in play, or better yet, what they are demoing on the range or in practice rounds.

Demoing, for the GEF personally, is also of great concern. Getting ones hands on new, preferably tour use, clubs and heads and establishing an opinion about them, with as much conviction as possible, is essential. One needs to be able to assert the following passionately and unequivocally:

“Well, a couple of strips of lead tape in the weight port on _____ club would be more conducive to the delayed release which I favor…”

“Usually, with stock OEM shafts I am susceptible to the high balloon, but with _____ shaft, I don’t have that problem and fairway roll is really maximized.”

As you can see, being a GEF is serious and time consuming business, with its own nuanced and developed language. I think you need to spend at least two hours a day browsing and posting in forums to rate.

90% of the golfing world can’t tell you the basic differences between tour and retail equipment. The GEF can. I’m not totally certain that is a healthy thing. Nevertheless, the paradigm exists in force.

I can happily say I am not pathologically a GEF, although I acknowledge I have such tendencies and have committed to a regular course of psychotherapy as preventive measure. Given this, I will attempt to purchase no new golf equipment this week, look at no comparison charts of shaft densities, add no lime green paintfills and try to shy away from golfporn (you know the stuff). Baby steps, my therapist, Dr. Leo Marvin, says, are the only way to move away from certifiable GEF status and towards more wholesome mental states.

baby steps.

baby steps.