Five Not-so-Fearless Predictions for 2009

A few sure things to look for in 2009.

Trap Five LogoMy crystal ball seems to have developed an astigmatism of late. My fantasy football team, the Big Darby Beer Mussels, finished 3-13. I was so far down in the office bowl picks that I nearly won my entry money back for coming in last.

So it was with some trepidation that I revisited the Fearless Predictions that I made for 2008 in golf. Here’s how I fared:

I predicted Tiger would win majors (plural). A balky putter at the Masters and a destroyed knee that made him miss the final two majors kept that from happening. But that U.S. Open win was really something! And it went extra holes… twice! Surely that counts for two, right? No, not buying it? Okay, 0-1.

I predicted we’d see a square driver with movable weights. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s out there somewhere, but I haven’t seen it yet. 0-2.

I said that the LPGA would be exciting TV. Hmmm… Early on, the Lorena vs. Annika story seemed to be going almost according to script. Sorenstam won the first outing. Then Ochoa won six of the next nine (with Sorenstam finishing second twice and winning once). Then Sorenstam announced her pending retirement, and Ochoa went on an 0-for-the-summer run. Yes, there were other good stories here and there (Paula Creamer, Helen Alfredsson, Angela Stanford, and Jiyai Shin all won multiple times). Overall, though, Sorenstam not winning down the stretch before starting a new life, kind of left an empty feeling. I’m going to call that a tie. 0-2-1.

In my predictions about player fortunes in 2008, I was right about Sabbatini’s mouth and diminished play; ever so briefly prophetic about Duval getting in the mix (Day 1 and 2 at the Open Championship) and then fading away; and I was right about all of the following having good years: Adam Scott, Henrik Stenson, Ben Curtis, Aaron Baddely, Zach Johnson, and Padraig Harrington (big time). I said that Sergio Garcia and Ernie Els would contend in majors and at least one would win on tour. Both won once and Sergio managed a T2 at the PGA Championship, and Ernie a T7 at the Open Championship (OK, that’s marginal). I did correctly predict the rejuvenation of Vijay Singh and the fading away of Colin Montgomerie, but was (happily) way off about Boo Weekley’s desire. I missed on Brett Wetterich and Woody Austin, and I don’t think Daly got divorced or married in 2008 (but he was in the news so much, it was hard to keep track). I’m calling that one a win. 1-2-1.

Finally, I correctly predicted a U.S. Ryder Cup victory. My team predictions were even reasonably in the ballpark. 2-2-1.

Looking to improve on my .500 record from 2008, I decided to make some predictions for 2009 that can’t possibly go wrong. How can I assure that? Because most of them are already true to varying extents. If not quite predictions, these are some bits of golf miscellanea that you might find interesting.

And for the record, I predict I’ll go 4-1 this year. See if you can guess which one I don’t think will (and hope won’t) come true.

Number Five: New Sponsors Will Be Needed
The (insert name here) ChampionshipThe Wachovia Championship has been one of the best tournaments on the PGA Tour every year for the last six, but it is now an orphan. Wachovia was purchased Wells Fargo. The tournament is expected to go on, perhaps as the Wells Fargo Championship. For now it remains listed as the Wachovia Championship on the PGA Tour website, but the tournament website has been eerily stagnant since October.

Other tournaments are fairing even worse. Xerox has dropped title sponsorship of the Nationwide Tour’s Xerox Classic. The Rochester, NY, tour stop is off the schedule for 2009. No sponsor, no tournament.

The LPGA had already lost the Fields Open in Hawaii and the Ginn Tribute in South Carolina even before the markets soured. SemGroup, which sponsored the Tulsa event, filed for bankruptcy last spring. Safeway dropped an event and now has only the Portland stop. The LPGA is considering running the Phoenix event with its own money.

If that’s not bad enough, nearly a third of LPGA sponsorship deals are up for renewal this year.

It’s going to be a very tough year.

Number Four: We’ll Be Watching a Lot More Golf in HD
The Golf ChannelAll Tiger, all the time, and now in HD… The Golf Channel has launched an HD channel, replacing its part-time HD operation from the last year. That’s good news because golf is a natural for viewing in HD. The little white ball stands out clearly in HD, and you can begin to get an idea of the contours of PGA Tour courses (television still flattens the terrain, but not as much as in standard def).

In my area, for the past year the Golf Channel has split HD time with the Versus network, which features bull riding and extreme cagefighting in addition to NHL hockey and other sports. It’s a little surreal to be watching golf coverage and suddenly the picture changes to a couple of cagefighters. Glad that’s over.

Number Three: Tiger’s First Check of the ’09? Kapalua, Naturally
No, Tiger’s knee did not make a miraculous recovery (though we may see him on tour in February). Tiger didn’t hit one shot at the Mercedes-Benz Championship and still wound up in the money.

How’s that?

On the PGA Tour, any player who qualifies for an official money event that does not have a cut or an alternate list and who cannot play due to injury will be awarded last place money. Therefore, Tiger earned $65,000 at the event without teeing it up.

Woods is not expected to make an official start on the PGA Tour until late February and the WGC-Accenture World Match Play Championship – at the earliest.

Number Two: The Hot Golf Safety Purchase of 2009
Big drivers a hazard?I shouldn’t be sharing this. I should be out patenting my Big Bertha Buddies (or should I call them Tee Plugs?). But what the heck! Who needs money? Right?

It seems that your new titanium driver may be dangerous to your hearing. A researcher in Britain claims that the sound emitted by a big thin-faced titanium driver is akin to a gun being fired or even a sonic boom. He even cites the case of a 55-year-old golfer who damaged his hearing by playing golf with a King Cobra LD driver three times a week for 18 months. According to Dr Malcolm Buchanan, an ear, nose and throat specialist from Edinburgh – and, reportedly, a keen golfer, we all may want to take precautions.

“Our results show that thin-faced titanium drivers may produce sufficient sound to induce temporary or even permanent cochlear damage in susceptible individuals,” said Dr. Buchanan. “Players should be careful when playing with these thin-faced clubs as they make a lot more noise.”

Of course, opting for ear plugs could also prove hazardous if you cannot hear a yell of “Fore!” from behind you or a call of “Press” from your opponent.

Number One: Some Course Somewhere Will Start Renting These
In an effort to find a new revenue (ahem) stream, some courses might just start renting Uroclubs to golfers. Just think of the upsale possibilities with those six-pack specials that the snack bar is running.

If you haven’t heard of the Uroclub, it’s only “the greatest golf gift ever” (according to the manufacturer). The Uroclub is a fake golf club that you can urinate into and then presumably put back in your bag. All I can say is you’d better be sure that the cap is screwed on tightly, or you might be drying your grips for the rest of the round.

Each Uroclub holds over a half-liter of fluid, which (again, according to the manufacturer) is twice the volume of the average wee. So, conceivably you could go once, play a few holes, and then reopen it for a late round break.

Sorry, but I think when the need arises, there is nothing as lovely as a tree.

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