Starting yesterday, the women of the LPGA are playing the Ricoh Women’s British Open at The Old Course in St. Andrews for the very first time. The R&A is even going to let them in the clubhouse (gasp!). It’s going to be an interesting week.
The course will play to a par of 73. The seventeenth, the famous “Road Hole,” will play as a par five instead of its usual par four. Ben Crenshaw was once asked why the Road Hole is the toughest par four in the world. “Because it’s a par five,” he said. A 453-yard par five should be reachable, but it has one of the more unusual green complexes in the world.
But the course par and a quirky three-shotter are probably not going to be the only unusual things we’ll see this weekend. That started me thinking about some unusual headlines that we might see (but probably won’t). Read on for my top five list of “not” top stories from the Women’s British Open.
Number Five: Scottish Military Mobilizes to Repel Invasion
At least 25 South Koreans were spotted in the Saint Andrews area Thursday, prompting an unprecedented response from the Scottish Military.
“We’ve never seen such a thing,” said a local shopkeeper. “They’re just lasses, but there are so many of them and mostly all named ‘Kim,’ too.”
The military initially set up checkpoints and roadblocks to try contain the invaders. But it was soon determined that they are only in Scotland for a golf tournament.
Number Four: Lorena Ochoa Finds Home-Cooking… in Scotland
Lorena Ochoa is loving Scotland – the history, the scenery, the cuisine… That’s right, the cuisine. When you think of Scottish food, you probably think of haggis, lamb, and possibly thistle. But, surprisingly, Mexican food is not difficult to find in the birthplace of golf. (This is actually true!)
While Ochoa probably doesn’t crave Mexican food for every meal, if she does have a hankering she should have no problem finding familiar eats in and around St. Andrews. At Rancho Pancho in Dundee or La Posada located right in St. Andrews, or even up the road at the Kettlebridge Inn, which despite the name has a good-looking Mexican menu. Judging by the name of the place, she might want to avoid Itza Mexicana in Kirkcaldy – where they seem to have confused a Mexican accent with a bad Italian one.
Picture Mike Myers doing a local cable commercial as “Jalapiñoman” featuring the punchline “If it’s not Scottish Mexican, it’s crap!”
Number Three: Natalie Celebrates Her First Victory with New Digs
Following her first LPGA win at the 2007 Evian Masters, Natalie Gulbis is reportedly investigating purchasing a lot alongside the Road Hole where she can put a doublewide.
“It’s just got a beautiful view of that little ol’ town over there,” she said. “And now that I’ve finally won something, I can afford it.”
Number Two: Laura Davies Comes Clean
Laura Davies has revealed that Gary Player was in fact referring to her with his “I know of one player, for sure…” comments regarding performance-enhancing drugs.
“For some reason, Gary sometimes forgets that I play on the LPGA and not the men’s tours,” said Davies.
She further clarified that the drugs are not performance-enhancing, per se.
“It’s just my hormone therapy for these darn hot flashes,” said Davies. “It doesn’t help my play that much, but it does keep my caddy healthy. Without it, by now I’d have bumped up a bit of scalp on the back of his head and teed one off from there.”
By the way, did you ever notice that you never see Laura Davies and John Daly in the same place at the same time?
Number One: Tiger Plays a Practical Joke on Annika
“Oh boy, is this great!” said the world’s number one male golfer. “Stevie and I made up a copy of my yardage book from St. Andrews in 2005 using, get this, disappearing ink!”
“That yardage book is going to be fine for the first couple days,” said Tiger. “But by Saturday, the ink should start disappearing. She’ll get to about the turn, and, all of a sudden, no yardages! It’s going to be hysterical!”
Bravo, George!! Had a good laugh…golf humor is tough to pull off, but you’ve done a fantastic job. Love the Laura Davies story.
JP
Just a note on the Old Course clubhouse.
According to a NY Times article: “Until recently, the historic course featured a sign outside the clubhouse behind the 18th green that read, ‘No dogs or women allowed.’ ”
Not only were women not allowed in, they get second billing to man’s best friend. No word yet on whether the sign goes back up on Sunday night.
Nice work George, but it won’t get your handicap back up!
Are dogs allowed in now, too, or does Laura Davies still have to wait outside? 😯 😛
Okay, yes, I’m clearly kidding. 🙂 As I said on the podcast a few weeks ago, Laura Davies is close to making the LPGA Hall of Fame, and I’m rooting for her to do so. I thought she might have a good chance at the Old Course given her background, but it appears she’s going to miss the cut. 🙁
P.S. Later on, I noticed this article, which ties in nicely here to my sarcasm. 😉
This is an old chestnut, more usually attributed to Royal St. Georges (Sandwich) in the 1920s, but I guess the NYT thought that would puncture the gag.
When I went to England in 1992 and played the Old Course, I was excited because several people told me that if you were nice and respectful of the course, it was not uncommon to get invited into the club house for lunch by an R&A member, if you were lucky enough to be paired with one. I was a single golfer waiting on the tee for about 2 hours that morning, and about 5 R&A groups teed off, most of them threesomes, as I recall, and none invited me to join them.
I won’t say they were golf snobs, but you can draw your own conclusions.
You must also have gone to Scotland to play the Old Course at St. Andrews.
You should remember that it is possible for you to play every course on the (British) Open roster, and almost all venues on the European Tour circuit in the UK (Loch Lomond excepted). Most golfers consider it a privilege just to play the Old Course.
How many US major event venues can you play – Bethpage, Torrey Pines …., and quite a few PGA Tour event venues are totally private too. How long would you need to stand outside the gates of Augusta National or Pine Valley before being invited in?
Martin:
Oh gosh, please forgive me for saying England and not Scotland.
And you are absolutely right that it is a privilege just to play the Old Course, and I indeed felt privileged at the time to do so.
My memories of the round are entirely positive, the course was beautiful and memorable, my caddie wonderful, and my playing companions fun. I have no negative memories.
I brought up my story about the R&A members only as an echo of the points made about exclusivity, treatment of the ladies, etc. I didn’t really mind at the time, as I would have been nervous playing with an R&A member, so I didn’t feel insulted or anything. But given what I have heard recently about the R&A, I have felt in later years that I was probably snubbed. And I have no problem with that…
But you are correct, it is indeed a privilege to play there, and I am grateful to have had a chance.
I would point out, however, that many great private courses in the US can be played by a visitor. Granted, you have to know how to go about it, but generally if you can manage to get your local pro to write a letter for you, you plan in advance, and you are polite and respectful, you can generally get on. Pine Valley is tough but not impossible, as I know some who have played Pine Valley in this way.
Augusta…well that’s another story.
Is that the best you can do?
This attempt at humour and the responses from staff seem rather conservative white male.
As for the guy who went to St Andrews, maybe the members could tell you were after something. It’s not a part of the world where being a suck guarantees you what you want.
And comparing the availability of US Open courses to British Open courses – you’ve got to be kidding.