The Five Best Words in Golf

Surprisingly, we can print them all.

Trap Five LogoFew sports, with the possible exception of cricket (“That was a wicked googly.”), have as colorful or specialized language as golf.

We have words that describe certain kinds of holes, like “redan,” which has become a general term to indicate a hole, usually a par three, with a right-to-left diagonal green that slopes away from the line of play and from right to left. The name comes from the original Redan at North Berwick Golf Links in Scotland, which in turn was dubbed with the French term for a V-shaped fortification that faces the expected angle of attack.

We have “pars,” “birdies,” “eagles,” and “albatrosses,” which are all good things. We have “chili-dips,” “chunks,” and “claggy” lies, which are all bad things. A claggy, by the way, is a wet, muddy lie that borders on casual water.

We have words that we hardly ever use any more. When you commit a “baff” you hit behind the ball and merely graze the ball, which hardly ever happens on today’s softer, more manicured courses. “Niblick” is an obsolete term for a nine-iron. “Pawky” is an old Scottish term used to describe cunning or tricky play.

And then there are all those four-letter terms that turn up so much during a round of golf. Frankly, they are a bit too common to be considered as the best words in golf, though they certainly have a place from time to time when the game gets extra frustrating.

My criteria for the best golf word is the aptness of its sound to its meaning, its originality to golf, and my own totally subjective bonus point system.

The Thrifty Golfer

Though I only sometimes take my own advice, there really are ways to save money on golf.

Trap Five LogoHere in Central Ohio, there’s a faint scent of autumn in the air. Every time I mow the lawn there are a few more leaves to mulch in with the grass. The summer heat suddenly left last week and at night now the air has a definite chill to it.

Fall offers some of the best golf of the year in Columbus. You can enjoy golf in 75 degree temperatures with lower humidity than we get during the Summer. As long as you don’t lose a ball in a pile of leaves, there’s not much not to like about it. Plus you can play in the morning and watch football in the afternoon. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Cheap Course Tricks

Some times good architects and greenskeepers do bad things.

Trap Five LogoHave you ever been enjoying a round on a new course when suddenly the architect throws a twist at you that just seems out of character? When I’m playing a course laid out by a farmer (there are quite a few of these in central Ohio, by the way), I expect some quirks and tricks, but when a “name” architect does it to me, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed.

There are so many challenges designers can build into any course – chutes of trees that threaten drives from both sides, watery graves for errant shots, curled-lip bunkers that throw shots back like Hawaiian waves spit out surfers, murderous contours on firm greens – I don’t understand why architects feel the need to use cheap tricks.

Changes the Tours Should Consider

If I was king of the PGA and LPGA, a few things would change.

Trap Five LogoEver had the road to yourself early in the morning and you pull up to one of those stoplights that still works on a timer rather than having sensors to detect when traffic is around? It’s pretty annoying.

Sometimes professional golf is like that. It doesn’t always keep up with the times in terms of rules. Don’t get me wrong… I love the traditions of golf, but there are some practices on the tours that could be changed to improve the spectator experience.

So at the risk of offending staunch traditionalists, I’m going to make some suggestions that could improve the pace of play, fashion sense, and fan experience of professional golf (even at the risk of bending the immovable obstruction rule). I’m not entirely serious about these solutions, but I think they do point out a few annoying aspects of modern professional golf. Here are some things that really get my goat (and one that just strikes me as a little silly)… Nothing that a local rule or two couldn’t fix.

A Different Look at Golf

Sometimes simplicity reveals something new about the complex.

Trap Five LogoI’ve always been into visual communication, though I’m not much of an artist. So I was pleased to find Jessica Hagy’s site where she “makes fun of some things and sense of others” through simple charts that you might normally come across in a marketing meeting. She uses simple Venn diagrams, faux line graphs, and other illustrations to reveal the humor or provide some insight on day-to-day topics.

What does this have to do with golf? Nothing, of course. But I liked the idea of using such basic illustrations to explicate difficult subjects so much that I had to apply it to my favorite sport. Thus, what follows are my attempts to do what Hagy does very well… take something complex and break it down into something simple. And maybe to make someone chuckle a little bit, too.

GPS vs. Laser: What Makes Sense for You?

Which technology best delivers your distance?

Trap Five LogoIt’s an old question, even though the technology has been accessible to the golfing public for only a few years now. Which is better for finding yardages on a golf course: GPS or laser?

Each is a sophisticated technology. The Global Positioning System is an array of satelites that beam precise microwave signals that receivers on Earth can use to establish their location, speed, and direction, as well as the current time. These receivers include golf GPS devices that use those signals to calculate how far the device is from certain pre-programmed coordinates. Laser rangefinders use a beam of light reflected off a target to measure the distance from the device to the target. Pretty cool stuff!

A Midway Progress Report on My Golf Goals for ’08

Ever had one of those years when the putts don’t fall, the irons hook, the woods slice? Me, too.

Trap Five LogoIn January, I put forth a set of goals for my golf game for 2008. At the time, the year was new and anything seemed possible.

It’s been a year of struggles for me… from a Myrtle Beach trip during which I broke 90 only once, to a weird rib injury caused by (most likely) a sneeze, to my annoying recent habit of stringing pars together on both sides of a quintuple bogey. But I think things are starting to turn in the right direction. The rest of the year will tell.

Let’s see how I’m doing so far…

Making the Game Easier

Golf is a hard game, but there are ways to make it easier. Some are even legal.

Trap Five LogoThe other day, I had used 38 strokes to get into a greenside bunker on the ninth hole. I was feeling pretty good about my chances of picking up some points for the guy I was subbing for in the nine-hole league. Seven strokes later, I was thinking that there must be a better way to play golf… a kinder, gentler way… one that doesn’t make me want to snap my sand wedge over my bag.

My bladed sand wedge into the deep weeds had some fairly serious repercussions. My enjoyment of the game this year has been a bit strained. I can’t seem to keep the big numbers off the card. It seems like in every round, I’m parring about half the holes, making a birdie a two, scoring a reasonable amount of bogeys, and tossing in the odd, dreaded other.

What Will We Do Until Tiger Gets Back?

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright
We just can’t wait until your knee is right.

Trap Five LogoBy most accounts, it will be a minimum of seven months and as much as nine until Tiger Woods tees it up again on the PGA Tour. The suits in Ponte Vedra Beach (PGA Tour headquarters) and Orlando (Golf Channel) are on suicide watch. The networks are sweating their PGA Tour commitments, worrying about how many eyes will watch Tiger-less events.

Let’s face it: though we like tight tournaments and playoffs, we only really love them when the top guy is involved.

Don’t despair. Tiger will return. And until he does, it turns out there will still be golf to watch and play. Here are a few options to pass the time: