motograter7

i....guess? haha

i do like her, i dont like that i dont trust her, and i want her to have fun in college i told her that but i dont want to be with her and worry about her all the time. she keeps telling me she wants to be with me and i just cant do it.

i know she will be happier, and i know she will be better. i am also very aware that its not my decision, so please dont think that i dont know that. what i'm having an issue with is she is dragging me along for a ride i dont care to be on. but she refuses to let me let go of the relationship, and i dont have time or the stomach to worry about a long distance relationship when i have school starting in january (hopefully) and training for a new position at work. i'm just looking for some insight, advice on how to express to her that i cant be with her during this time. i'm not saying that it would be any easier if she chose not to join one, but i would rest a little easier.

UPDATE: she has been in school for about 3 weeks now, we've seen each other once and she has pretty much begged me to stay with her, so I agreed and we've been trying to make it work. Its been rough and so far nothing too bad has really happened but now she is telling me she wants to join a sorority, i think i have to draw the line here. i've heard horrible stories about the things they make pledges do and all the pressure they will put on her to fit in, not to mention it will consume her and may change the person she is now. shes begging me not to do this but i think her joining the greek life will have our long distance relationship go downhill fast. i'm not asking her not to join, but i have voiced these concerns with her and she hasnt responded much. any idea what i should do? thanks guys.

You are correct, my girlfriends name is Ally, one of my best friends name is Lauren. Lauren and Ally get along fine. Originally it was us 3 going. Now a girl who i'll leave nameless for now may want to go with me since i'll have the tickets. Lauren and Ally dont like X. I can't let lauren go alone. and I'm rather embarrased to say the concert is Taylor Swift and some other chick I can't think of her name at the moment. I play guitar, and theres nothing sexier than a girl playing an acoustic guitar to me ;) ANYWAY.... idk what i'm doing with this situation. Also, I told myself that I would block my ex out as much as possible, I'm responding less to messages, calls, etc... I don't want to feel so attached anymore, but she keeps bugging me, saying that she doesn't want it to be like that. what should I do? I want to be able to just let go, not forget, but let go and this sort of makes it easier..... I want to do it before she gets so busy at school and then I'll feel forgotten. right now maybe that doesnt seem fair to her, but she will probably meet so many new people soon that it won't bother her too much once those distractions come along.... i think. am i wrong here? this situation is by far the most confusing thing in my life....usually the most confused i get daily is deciding what to wear that day.... WTH.

I'm almost positive its a sold out show, and we are both big fans so I kinda don't want to give them up. Since I paid for the tickets she said it was up to me and I don't really have an answer. But you are right I dont really want to go with my ex, plus I may know someone who wants to go with me (female) :) only thing is THAT female and my friend don't get along.... Why is the concert situation that hard? jeez....

well, the only problem is there is one other person going, the other person is a friend of mine, and idk that letting her have the tickets would be a good idea either... granted they are general admission and they dont have to see each other. Only problem here, is that she is telling me she needs to know asap, as she will need to buy a train ticket a solid month in advance, since they go fast. =/ thanks for all the input and help guys, I really appreciate it a ton.

We've decided to break things off. I've also decided to go back to school in the winter, and we both know that a long distance relationship during college is not the time for a committed relationship, as bad as we want it to be. But now i have a new dilemma, we have tickets to a concert in October, and she wants to know if I still want her to go with me. I dont know that by the time October rolls around I'll still want to go with her, she said she would give me the tickets and by then i could just decide and let her know if i want her to come. should I say yes, or no?

You are correct, I am not doing it because I want to, its becuase I'm afraid she will at some point and it will be due to all the jealous fights. So I'm trying to save myself the headache and heartache that will surely come by the sounds of it. Also, she has done some untrustworthy things, and I don't want to have to find out the hard way she fooled around while she was away, regardless of how long we or anyone ever has been dating, thats a painful thing to have to go through.

No, that's not it at all... I told her the decision would be hers when she comes back after that month. I'm the one hoping she will come back and say "yeah, not what its cracked up to be" and want to be together, but realistically, i'm not expecting that to happen. I'm starting to feel like in the end what ever happens is ok. I would hope that she doesn't forget me and misses me and looks forward to seeing me, but if it doesn't happen, a lot of what I've been reading here is the "theres plenty of fish in the sea" type opinions so I guess I'm starting to feel that way too. Yeah, I don't understand it either, I've never done anything to her to make her feel like I would do something like that. I'm a pretty honest guy all around, lying just never made sense to me. She's known that for a while even before we dated, so I don't get it. I've actually caught her up in lies a few times now, and I found out once she made a late night visit to a mutual friends house, "to talk"... But she hid that from me, and when I found out she gave me the "I didn't want to upset you" thing, but I'd have just rather she gave me the truth before she even went, I would have been fine with it to an extent. From what I know nothign happened, and they did actually just talk, i hope. This is the main reason why I feel like it won't work in a place where there will be a lot more guys and if she easily felt that she could hide that from me, here in the same town, how do I know that she wont do that while shes away? I honestly dont think her intent was malicious when she went to this kids house, but the fact that she hid it from me makes it a lot harder.

I tried to break it off with her last night, I told her how I felt about the whole situation and that I at least wanted to keep contact and talk, but that I knew I couldnt handle a long distance relationship where she is going to be meeting tons of new people. I told her I'd rather her enjoy her experience there, and I didnt want to be the guy to start fights off jealousy and have it then be an explosive, more hurtful break up in the end. she comes back a month after for one week, and I told her maybe we'll try at it for that month and when she comes back we can meet up and talk and I'll ask her again what she thinks then. She did not like that at all but I think its the right way to go. also, she became very very angry at me for planning to go to a concert in november with a lady friend of mine. She told me that she didn't like it and would rather I not go and told me she was actually going to write to this girl and tell her off and to leave me alone. I dont think thats very fair considering the circumstances, I should live my life too, right?

fraser, yeah i kinda know its already over. idk that she's willing to give up that "party life" and i dont want to be that guy that asks her to... what do you mean by create and exit strategy?

hahaha why would that matter

everyone, thank you so much for your input i'd love to hear more. we are talking about all these things now. knockglock, thank you so much i really appreciate it. chichiisme, i live in chicago, she is going to western illinois uni in macomb.

I am 22. She's 18 its a rough difference but we?e just always been close. I know that letting her go is best, I just don't want her to be "the one that got away"... I know it sounds stupid but I hate this feeling. She is (so far) the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to lose it...