girlfriend is going to uni

[motograter7]

We've decided to break things off. I've also decided to go back to school in the winter, and we both know that a long distance relationship during college is not the time for a committed relationship, as bad as we want it to be.

But now i have a new dilemma, we have tickets to a concert in October, and she wants to know if I still want her to go with me. I dont know that by the time October rolls around I'll still want to go with her, she said she would give me the tickets and by then i could just decide and let her know if i want her to come. should I say yes, or no?

[zeg]

Not sure what quite the right word to say is, but I'm glad you made a decision. Obviously it wasn't easy. It sounds like you got through it on decent terms with her, which is a plus in my book. As for the concert, I say wait a bit and see how you feel closer to the time. It really depends on how your new relationship is going at that point -- if you think it's going to reignite difficult feelings, then don't. If you are confident you can spend the time with her without complicating things further, then go for it.

How's that for a non-answer?

[sp33d]

We've decided to break things off. I've also decided to go back to school in the winter, and we both know that a long distance relationship during college is not the time for a committed relationship, as bad as we want it to be.

I would say no to it, because its going to cause tension if you go with her. or if you take the tickets and dont take her. I would let her have them.

I think you made the mature choice in breaking it off, its not fair to either person. Its never easy if you hate the person (been there) their such a part of your life. But believe me in the long run it will be better.

[motograter7]

I would say no to it, because its going to cause tension if you go with her. or if you take the tickets and dont take her. I would let her have them.

well, the only problem is there is one other person going, the other person is a friend of mine, and idk that letting her have the tickets would be a good idea either...

granted they are general admission and they dont have to see each other.

I say wait a bit and see how you feel closer to the time. It really depends on how your new relationship is going at that point -- if you think it's going to reignite difficult feelings, then don't. If you are confident you can spend the time with her without complicating things further, then go for it.

Only problem here, is that she is telling me she needs to know asap, as she will need to buy a train ticket a solid month in advance, since they go fast. =/

thanks for all the input and help guys, I really appreciate it a ton.

[pxc]

I don't know what to tell you on this one. Good for you for making a clear decision with the break-up, and for going back to school. That will help, plus you'll be furthering your education. Win-win.

As for this concert... I would not personally want to go to a concert with my friend and my ex. You said they're general admission: can you give her the tickets and buy yourself another one? Then you and your friend can go, and she can decide what to do with her tix, and you don't have to see each other while you're there.

[motograter7]

I don't know what to tell you on this one. Good for you for making a clear decision with the break-up, and for going back to school. That will help, plus you'll be furthering your education. Win-win.

I'm almost positive its a sold out show, and we are both big fans so I kinda don't want to give them up. Since I paid for the tickets she said it was up to me and I don't really have an answer. But you are right I dont really want to go with my ex, plus I may know someone who wants to go with me (female) :)

only thing is THAT female and my friend don't get along.... Why is the concert situation that hard? jeez....

[pxc]

I'm almost positive its a sold out show, and we are both big fans so I kinda don't want to give them up. Since I paid for the tickets she said it was up to me and I don't really have an answer. But you are right I dont really want to go with my ex, plus I may know someone who wants to go with me (female) :)

If you paid for them and your ex, to whom you owe nothing at this point, has said she'd give you her ticket back, then take them and go with whoever you want. Worrying about your girlfriend and female friend getting along is something you have to do when you're actually in a relationship. Now that you're not, you definitely shouldn't be worrying about it.

[zeg]

Worrying about your girlfriend and female friend getting along is something you have to do when you're actually in a relationship. Now that you're not, you definitely shouldn't be worrying about it.

I think he was referring to the female friend not getting along with his other friend who he mentioned earlier as having a ticket separately, though I'm sure he'll clarify.

But I'm with pxc.. if you're not sure you want to go and if she has something else to do, then take the ticket and go with someone else. It's a concert and it's GA, so it doesn't seem like everyone who's there has to be real chummy. If it's a decent concert there won't be much sitting around talking I'd think. Who is it? If it's someone good, take me!

[motograter7]

I think he was referring to the female friend not getting along with his other friend who he mentioned earlier as having a ticket separately, though I'm sure he'll clarify.

You are correct, my girlfriends name is Ally, one of my best friends name is Lauren. Lauren and Ally get along fine. Originally it was us 3 going. Now a girl who i'll leave nameless for now may want to go with me since i'll have the tickets. Lauren and Ally dont like X.

I can't let lauren go alone. and I'm rather embarrased to say the concert is Taylor Swift and some other chick I can't think of her name at the moment. I play guitar, and theres nothing sexier than a girl playing an acoustic guitar to me ;) ANYWAY.... idk what i'm doing with this situation. Also, I told myself that I would block my ex out as much as possible, I'm responding less to messages, calls, etc... I don't want to feel so attached anymore, but she keeps bugging me, saying that she doesn't want it to be like that. what should I do? I want to be able to just let go, not forget, but let go and this sort of makes it easier..... I want to do it before she gets so busy at school and then I'll feel forgotten. right now maybe that doesnt seem fair to her, but she will probably meet so many new people soon that it won't bother her too much once those distractions come along.... i think. am i wrong here? this situation is by far the most confusing thing in my life....usually the most confused i get daily is deciding what to wear that day.... WTH.

[zeg]

emmamaze, you're way out of line there. They already agreed to break it off.

[motograter7]

UPDATE: she has been in school for about 3 weeks now, we've seen each other once and she has pretty much begged me to stay with her, so I agreed and we've been trying to make it work. Its been rough and so far nothing too bad has really happened but now she is telling me she wants to join a sorority, i think i have to draw the line here. i've heard horrible stories about the things they make pledges do and all the pressure they will put on her to fit in, not to mention it will consume her and may change the person she is now. shes begging me not to do this but i think her joining the greek life will have our long distance relationship go downhill fast. i'm not asking her not to join, but i have voiced these concerns with her and she hasnt responded much.

any idea what i should do? thanks guys.

[iacas]

Its been rough and so far nothing too bad has really happened but now she is telling me she wants to join a sorority, i think i have to draw the line here.

Grow up dude. It's not your decision to make.

I personally chose not to join a fraternity, but had several female friends who joined sororities and were happier, better people for it.

[motograter7]

Grow up dude. It's not your decision to make.

i know she will be happier, and i know she will be better. i am also very aware that its not my decision, so please dont think that i dont know that. what i'm having an issue with is she is dragging me along for a ride i dont care to be on. but she refuses to let me let go of the relationship, and i dont have time or the stomach to worry about a long distance relationship when i have school starting in january (hopefully) and training for a new position at work. i'm just looking for some insight, advice on how to express to her that i cant be with her during this time.

i'm not saying that it would be any easier if she chose not to join one, but i would rest a little easier.

[steve8820]

No, that's not it at all...

Oh sure.....they just talked. Come on man!!!!! She is jerking you around. This one is definitely not a keeper. I can only imagine what she is going to do 4 hrs away from you.

[pxc]

i know she will be happier, and i know she will be better. i am also very aware that its not my decision, so please dont think that i dont know that. what i'm having an issue with is she is dragging me along for a ride i dont care to be on. but she refuses to let me let go of the relationship, and i dont have time or the stomach to worry about a long distance relationship when i have school starting in january (hopefully) and training for a new position at work. i'm just looking for some insight, advice on how to express to her that i cant be with her during this time.

You had it right the first time. It sounds like she wants to have you around if she needs you, but still wants to have fun in college. This is obviously stressing you out, why are you torturing yourself trying to stick with it? You've got a lot of important life events coming up with a new job and returning to school, that requires focus and effort. If you're spending all that on this girl you are less likely to be successful at school and your new position. You don't even seem like you like this girl that much.

[motograter7]

You had it right the first time. It sounds like she wants to have you around if she needs you, but still wants to have fun in college. This is obviously stressing you out, why are you torturing yourself trying to stick with it? You've got a lot of important life events coming up with a new job and returning to school, that requires focus and effort. If you're spending all that on this girl you are less likely to be successful at school and your new position. You don't even seem like you like this girl that much.

i do like her, i dont like that i dont trust her, and i want her to have fun in college i told her that but i dont want to be with her and worry about her all the time. she keeps telling me she wants to be with me and i just cant do it.

[iacas]

she keeps telling me she wants to be with me and i just cant do it.

OK then: grow some balls, break up, and refuse to take her calls.

[motograter7]

OK then: grow some balls, break up, and refuse to take her calls.

i....guess? haha