I wouldn't wish listening to Taylor Swift on my worst enemy.
To be frank, shorty just said what everybody was thinking.
At the end of the day, you are a 26 handicap asking what is the best way to get on the tour. I would say even a journeyman tour player was easily shooting around 75-78 at 13 years old everytime they teed it up (unless they started at a later age like Nick Faldo at 15 - and even he got down to scratch golf after about 12 months). The top tour players were all scratch golfers at 13 (Tiger, McIlroy, etc).
At my home club there is currently about twelve 13-14 year olds with a handicap in the 9-14 range, and I see none of them getting anywhere near the tour.