Grammar Usage, Part Deux

[Harry Longshanks]

(The " Grammar Usage" thread got locked, but I have a relevant addendum. I'm not trying to "open a new wound" or anything to those who might have been offended by the content of the thread - just trying to continue the discussion, including responses to this post. So just treat this like it's Post #47 in that thread.)

For the folks who think that those of us promoting proper grammar are too serious or have no sense of humor (my unparalleled sense of humor notwithstanding ), the October issue of Golf Magazine contains an article on grammar by none other than David Feherty himself. As usual, Feherty is both dead on, and hilarious.

Unfortunately, I can't find the article online yet. I would scan it and post it as a picture, but I suspect that would violate this site's policies on copyrights. So if you are a subscriber, or in a bookstore, or waiting at the grocery store checkout, well . . . check it out. (It's on the last page before the back cover - page 156.) Or, keep checking http://www.golf.com/feherty until they post it.

Better yet, if someone can find it online, please post a link.

[julie_m]

I love this one, gotta love the Pack:

http://social.chass.ncsu.edu/slatta/...fungrammar.htm

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
8. Be more or less specific.
9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Profanity is for asses.
26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth Earthshaking ideas.
27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
30. Puns are for children, not for groan readers.
31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally. . .
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

[Q.Q.Quillume]

I love this one, gotta love the Pack:

Great find Llulie!

Ironically Llulie's list came from an "engineering" school! Without the split infinitive, Star Trek might have been just another sci-fi TV show. "To boldly go where no man has gone before . . . "

[julie_m]

Two women, strangers, are sitting together on a plane. One is well-to-do, one not so much.

The second says to the first, "So, where are you from?"

The rich woman answers, "I'm from a place where we don't end our sentences with prepositions."

The other woman thinks a second, then asks, "So, where you from, bit--?"

[Fraser]

I love this one, gotta love the Pack:

Excellent! (My apologies to rule #18)

[julie_m]

Whatever.

[srjorion]

Two women, strangers, are sitting together on a plane. One is well-to-do, one not so much.

Awesome!!!!

[julie_m]

Awesome!!!!

Why thank you.

The cool thing is, I heard that joke a decade or so ago when I was in high school...to this day I haven't forgotten what a preposition is. I told it to my college writing class and no one there forgot it on the test, either.

[Dent]

Why thank you.

What

is a preposition?

[Uber$winG]

If I were to operate a chain of hotel/motels, I would put a copy of Strunk & White’s “The Elements of Style” in every bedside bureau.

[Harry Longshanks]

What

[Dent]

And I can't beleive I just watched that whole thing.

[Harry Longshanks]

And I can't

Perhaps I should post more "Schoolhouse Rock" for you Dent?

Conjunction Junction was always my favorite anyway:

[JCDot33]

Harry, thanks for the "School House Rock" But could you hit us with "Conjuntion Junction - What's your function" or maybe even, "I'm just a Bill" ... those are two of my personal favorties ...

Harry you ROCK!! Just as this post went up you came up with Conjunction Junction ...

[julie_m]

Ah, Harry, doing it old school! Thanks! Dancing banana and cheers for you:

[immts007]

And I can't beleive I just watched that whole thing.

Why? Schoolhouse Rock is the best. I grew up on those cartoons. We bought the complete DVD set for my kids, and I still love it!

good stuff.

[Alex B]

Two women, strangers, are sitting together on a plane. One is well-to-do, one not so much.

Awesome joke. One should note, however, that the preposition guideline (under my interpretation) suggests that one should not strand a preposition at the end of a

clause ; the "bit--" really doesn't change anything in this regard.

[Alex B]

If I were to operate a chain of hotel/motels, I would put a copy of Strunk & White’s “The Elements of Style” in every bedside bureau.

+1

I've been rereading bits and pieces of Strunk and White lately, and am once again impressed by their succinctness and intelligent humor. The book has undoubtably made me a better writer.