Bill Simmons on Tiger Woods

[ragontona]

Funny, tongue-in-cheek article here telling Tiger how to spice things up so that he can "keep us interested" in his dominance.

My favorite excerpts include:

6. Name your fist pump. Call it something like Charlie. As in, "That birdie on 16 seemed like the perfect time to break out Charlie."

8. Write a controversial autobiography. You need to take shots at every one of your rivals, with crazy quotes like, "I'm not afraid of Mickelson. The guy looks like a pre-op trannie." Call the book "Tiger Unleashed," then claim you were misquoted and sue your ghostwriter after it comes out. That's always good for a little attention.

9. Every hero needs an archnemesis. Unfortunately, everyone's afraid to cross you. Still, Sergio Garcia could be the guy: He's smarmy and European, and with the right coaching and facial hair, he'd be a decent villain. Take him under your wing. Teach him some tricks. Build up his confidence. Then, orchestrate some sort of dramatic falling out. If we're lucky, he'll grow a Fu Manchu, start to refer to himself as The Serge, and say inflammatory things like, "Tiger Woods is just like the rest of America -- lazy!" Every golf fan would be rooting for you to crush him. So it's a WWE plot. The stuff works.

[go_raps_Go]

good article and kinda true... i wish tiger would trash talk more... its not a sport without tellin ur oppentns how much they suck.... and how unbeatable you are... especially if ur tiger woods who backs it up almost every time

[cdriver]

That article was too funny... I did like the part about his wife becoming his caddy though.. I mean Stevie is alright, but she's got better legs...