Husband and Wife Relations

[Gator Hazard]

It's actually more likely for a woman being married to that tall 6'1" (or taller?IDK) lean man who has gained a little weight in middle age and "partially" married him for looks to have an affair than otherwise. The same goes for men, and even more so if they married a woman for her attractiveness.

Superficial people do superficial things.

I would take that a step further to the base of what motivates people and instead say:  Insecure people will make decisions based on their insecurity.

Ever notice that a cheater is always wondering if they are being cheated on? Projection.  And based in insecurity.

[Lihu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

It's actually more likely for a woman being married to that tall 6'1" (or taller?IDK) lean man who has gained a little weight in middle age and "partially" married him for looks to have an affair than otherwise. The same goes for men, and even more so if they married a woman for her attractiveness.

Superficial people do superficial things.

I would take that a step further to the base of what motivates people and instead say:  Insecure people will make decisions based on their insecurity.

Ever notice that a cheater is always wondering if they are being cheated on? Projection.  And based in insecurity.

So true, marriage is based upon trust. Trust requires confidence.

[Duff McGee]

It's actually more likely for a woman being married to that tall 6'1" (or taller?IDK) lean man who has gained a little weight in middle age and "partially" married him for looks to have an affair than otherwise. The same goes for men, and even more so if they married a woman for her attractiveness. Superficial people do superficial things.

Where do you get this information? And no, rich or famous people aren't so different than us that they have some kind of immoral gene lol. Once I broke free of the shackles of religious and traditional thinking and actually looked into the science of the human race did I begin to realize that we evolved from more primitive species and still have many instincts from our not so distant past. And I grew up in many different churches and every human in those churches was just that: human. My mom had a pastor that she loved her entire life and thought he was the most righteous man ever and even wanted me to talk to him about religion and try to get me back in and then she found out he had an affair with a teenage boy. Oastor's want to have sex with their attractive perishoners, married godly women are sexually aroused by their steamy novels and they imagine doing sexual things with other men at the church, almost anyone that claims to be a virgin but has been dating someone for over a few months is almost always lying, etc. It all comes out in the end and then people are shocked. I am never shocked.

[Gator Hazard]

Where do you get this information? And no, rich or famous people aren't so different than us that they have some kind of immoral gene lol. Once I broke free of the shackles of religious and traditional thinking and actually looked into the science of the human race did I begin to realize that we evolved from more primitive species and still have many instincts from our not so distant past.

And I grew up in many different churches and every human in those churches was just that: human.

My mom had a pastor that she loved her entire life and thought he was the most righteous man ever and even wanted me to talk to him about religion and try to get me back in and then she found out he had an affair with a teenage boy.

Oastor's want to have sex with their attractive perishoners, married godly women are sexually aroused by their steamy novels and they imagine doing sexual things with other men at the church, almost anyone that claims to be a virgin but has been dating someone for over a few months is almost always lying, etc.

It all comes out in the end and then people are shocked. I am never shocked.

Really?  I can't remember the last time I was performing at my job and girls started flashing me and throwing their panties at me.  I am gonna have to go with, they have way, way more opportunity and temptation than the average person does.  Movie stars are especially in a rough industry, time away from spouse, sometimes on set for months with a person you are supposed to make everyone believe you are in love with for the story, many times kissing and doing love scenes together.  Sometimes a stiff dick has no conscience. (kidding)

Depends on how some virgins are defining virginity.  Some think being the BJ queen or giving up the starfish only still qualifies them as virgins.

[Lihu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

Superficial people do superficial things.

Where do you get this information? And no, rich or famous people aren't so different than us that they have some kind of immoral gene lol. Once I broke free of the shackles of religious and traditional thinking and actually looked into the science of the human race did I begin to realize that we evolved from more primitive species and still have many instincts from our not so distant past.

I'm actually quoting an aunt of mine who died recently, she taught at musicology at Harvard for decades and was definitely not Christian. Many of my other relatives are well educated unlike me, and feel the same way. It's pretty universal. If anything, you should be questioning if I am superficial or not.

"Superficial people do superficial things." - this is not some great awakening or anything.

[Duff McGee]

Really?  I can't remember the last time I was performing at my job and girls started flashing me and throwing their panties at me.  I am gonna have to go with, they have way, way more opportunity and temptation than the average person does.  Movie stars are especially in a rough industry, time away from spouse, sometimes on set for months with a person you are supposed to make everyone believe you are in love with for the story, many times kissing and doing love scenes together.  Sometimes a stiff dick has no conscience. (kidding) Depends on how some virgins are defining virginity.  Some think being the BJ queen or giving up the starfish only still qualifies them as virgins.

I agree with all of this. You know that I was saying that they are just like us with more temptation, right? Or were you responding to Newtogolf who said they might have a bigger propensity at promiscuity? Anyway I agree with all that you said. Oh and in re: "virginity": don't forget "dip the tip."

[Duff McGee]

I'm actually quoting an aunt of mine who died recently, she taught at musicology at Harvard for decades and was definitely not Christian. Many of my other relatives are well educated unlike me, and feel the same way. It's pretty universal. If anything, you should be questioning if I am superficial or not. "Superficial people do superficial things." - this is not some great awakening or anything.

1) it depends on your definition of superficial and 2) all humans have these urges, minus a few outliers. Some are better at faking or controlling these urges than others. Lack of impulse control is also oftentimes genetic and a big reason some people are lifetime criminals in and out of jail and some live "normal lives."

[Gator Hazard]

I agree with all of this. You know that I was saying that they are just like us with more temptation, right? Or were you responding to Newtogolf who said they might have a bigger propensity at promiscuity?

Anyway I agree with all that you said. Oh and in re: "virginity": don't forget "dip the tip."

Sorry, I took you for your word on that part I bolded when responding but no biggie.  Newtogolf may have a valid point, I sometimes think that people in that industry do have to be willing to shed many of their morals in order to be successful, certainly wouldn't say they are all like that but I get what he had to say.

Ahh, that classic teenage, young 20s game "Just the tip".  No one ever got pregnant playing that.

[Duff McGee]

Sorry, I took you for your word on that part I bolded when responding but no biggie.  Newtogolf may have a valid point, I sometimes think that people in that industry do have to be willing to shed many of their morals in order to be successful, certainly wouldn't say they are all like that but I get what he had to say. Ahh, that classic teenage, young 20s game "Just the tip".  No one ever got pregnant playing that.

Actually what I said was what you said, I just said it badly. I think I used a double negative or something. Reread it and you'll see what I'm talking about

[Lihu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

I'm actually quoting an aunt of mine who died recently, she taught at musicology at Harvard for decades and was definitely not Christian. Many of my other relatives are well educated unlike me, and feel the same way. It's pretty universal. If anything, you should be questioning if I am superficial or not.

"Superficial people do superficial things." - this is not some great awakening or anything.

1) it depends on your definition of superficial and

2) all humans have these urges, minus a few outliers. Some are better at faking or controlling these urges than others. Lack of impulse control is also oftentimes genetic and a big reason some people are lifetime criminals in and out of jail and some live "normal lives."

If you commit to a marriage or union with another person and make a personal commitment to them, then doing anything that does not fall within any definition of that union is hurtful to the person with which you made that commitment.

Falling "victim" to your personal urges simply demonstrates that your level of commitment is very superficial, and also shows the person who was hurt that you don't care enough for that person to hold back on your urges. Thus the person who falls "victim" to his or her urges is superficial.

Also, superficial people usually don't know they are as such, and make excuses.

[Duff McGee]

If you commit to a marriage or union with another person and make a personal commitment to them, then doing anything that does not fall within any definition of that union is hurtful to the person with which you made that commitment. Falling "victim" to your personal urges simply demonstrates that your level of commitment is very superficial, and also shows the person who was hurt that you don't care enough for that person to hold back on your urges. Thus the person who commits this is superficial. Superficial people usually don't know they are as such, and make excuses.

I used to think that way but it's just not true. We can go round and round on this but generalizing like this just isn't accurate. There are so many circumstances or reasons someone might cheat. I have never done so, but I am not naive enough to think that it is impossible. It is easy to sit back in our small tiny section of reality and judge others, but reality (true reality) is quite different than what we witness in our small circles. If I had $100,000 to bet, I would gladly and confidently bet you that money that there are multiple people that you know that you would never expect to have ever cheated that have cheated. There are so many married men that you know who are secretly addicted to porn. There are women chatting with an old high school sweetheart on Facebook that have crossed the line from friend to emotional affair. If you go to church, you wouldn't believe how many perishoners are in the closet and gay, how many lock themselves in a room to watch open and hide it from their wives, how many se embezzling money from their office jobs, and the list goes on and on. One way I know this is that my mother in law is a music pastor. I have heard things that would blow your mind about the most innocent and godly looking people you've ever seen.

[Lihu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

If you commit to a marriage or union with another person and make a personal commitment to them, then doing anything that does not fall within any definition of that union is hurtful to the person with which you made that commitment.

Falling "victim" to your personal urges simply demonstrates that your level of commitment is very superficial, and also shows the person who was hurt that you don't care enough for that person to hold back on your urges. Thus the person who commits this is superficial.

Superficial people usually don't know they are as such, and make excuses.

I used to think that way but it's just not true. We can go round and round on this but generalizing like this just isn't accurate.

There are so many circumstances or reasons someone might cheat. I have never done so, but I am not naive enough to think that it is impossible. It is easy to sit back in our small tiny section of reality and judge others, but reality (true reality) is quite different than what we witness in our small circles.

If I had $100,000 to bet, I would gladly and confidently bet you that money that there are multiple people that you know that you would never expect to have ever cheated that have cheated.

There are so many married men that you know who are secretly addicted to porn. There are women chatting with an old high school sweetheart on Facebook that have crossed the line from friend to emotional affair.

If you go to church, you wouldn't believe how many perishoners are in the closet and gay, how many lock themselves in a room to watch open and hide it from their wives, how many se embezzling money from their office jobs, and the list goes on and on.

One way I know this is that my mother in law is a music pastor. I have heard things that would blow your mind about the most innocent and godly looking people you've ever seen.

As long as you are just as understanding of your potential partner's "urges" as you seem to expect of him/her, then at least you have a relationship with which you can live.

I would never bet on the frailty of human nature. . .

[Duff McGee]

As long as you are just as understanding of your potential partner's "urges" as you seem to expect of him/her, then at least you have a relationship with which you can live. I would never bet on the frailty of human nature. . .

I don't get what you mean by the last sentence. If you are saying that you trust people, then that's great for you. I am a realist and know that anyone can mess up with basically anything. Forgiveness is a very important thing and yes I fully believe my wife could cheat even though she is the absolute most loyal person I've ever met.

[vangator]

Sounds like a Dr Ruth debate club. :-) Friday I'm going out with the boys drinking. Saturday I'm heading to Gainesville for the game (with my daughter and granddaughter). Sunday I'm hitting the links and more drinking. That's all I have planned to this point. So, If I slap the wife before I head out, she'll be waiting at the door naked when I get home? Is that what you guys are saying? :-)

[Mac62]

Sounds like a Dr Ruth debate club.

Friday I'm going out with the boys drinking. Saturday I'm heading to Gainesville for the game (with my daughter and granddaughter). Sunday I'm hitting the links and more drinking. That's all I have planned to this point.

So, If I slap the wife before I head out, she'll be waiting at the door naked when I get home? Is that what you guys are saying?

Make sure to tell her to have a cold beer and a sammich waiting for you too.  That's always good for extra points.

[Gator Hazard]

Sounds like a Dr Ruth debate club.

Friday I'm going out with the boys drinking. Saturday I'm heading to Gainesville for the game (with my daughter and granddaughter). Sunday I'm hitting the links and more drinking. That's all I have planned to this point.

So, If I slap the wife before I head out, she'll be waiting at the door naked when I get home? Is that what you guys are saying?

I was thinking it's more like Dear Abby.

Dear Abby,

Recently my husband has seemed distant and doesn't spend hardly any time with me any more.  When I ask him if he wants to come with me to visit my mother like we used too he just rolls his eyes and says he has plans already.  Lately he hasn't even been keeping up with emptying Captain Fluffy Butt's liter box. Weeknights he leaves right after dinner and sometimes stays out later than others and when he comes home he can be sweaty and out of breath and not very talkative.  He won't let me touch him until he takes a shower and some nights he is in a great mood while others he just seems agitated to the core and mumbling about weird things like shanks, topping, and hitting it fat.    He is always gone in the morning on the weekends when I wake up and sometimes he calls me and says he is going in for another round and not to wait for him.

Abby, I think my husband is addicted to a new hobby, golf.  Why can't I just have a normal husband that is addicted to the usual things like porn, Monday Night Football parties at the bar and the occasional stripper binge?  The other girls just don't understand, I wish my husband was like them, it would certainly be a lot cheaper!

Please help Abby,

A Disenchanted Golf Widow

[Lihu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lihu

As long as you are just as understanding of your potential partner's "urges" as you seem to expect of him/her, then at least you have a relationship with which you can live.

I would never bet on the frailty of human nature. . .

I don't get what you mean by the last sentence.

If you are saying that you trust people, then that's great for you. I am a realist and know that anyone can mess up with basically anything. Forgiveness is a very important thing and yes I fully believe my wife could cheat even though she is the absolute most loyal person I've ever met.

Nothing that deep. I'm an engineer who can barely write.

You bet $100,000, and I stated that I wouldn't bet anything regarding our weaknesses. This is our imperfection, if you think we are imperfect that is. . .

[vangator]

Make sure to tell her to have a cold beer and a sammich waiting for you too.  That's always good for extra points.  :-D

Nice touch. I'll call her a b!tch on the way out too. That ill make it a lock!