Caddies fighting back

[Mr Eagle]

So the Caddy has had enough but he still has a sense of humour, post your best Caddy one liners here. I'll start off with ..........


Golfer........Im gonna drown myself in the lake
Caddy........Do you think you can keep your head down long enough ?

Golfer......You are the worst caddy in the world
Caddy.....That would be too much of a coincidence sir

[Shanks-a-lot]

Golfer.....Do you think I can get it there with a 5-iron?
Caddy............Eventually.....

[mako224]

What are caddies?????

[wesmcnew512]

So the Caddy has had enough but he still has a sense of humour, post your best Caddy one liners here. I'll start off with ..........

This is freaking awesome!

[Mr Eagle]

What are caddies?????

They are little tins the English put their tea leaves in.

Ive been living here too long obviously

[Mr Eagle]

Golfer....This is the worst course Ive ever played on
Caddy....This isn't the course sir,we left it about 4 shots back.

[smith5606]

Golfer: Do you think I'm standing too close to the ball?
Caddie: Only after you hit it, sir.

Golfer: What club do you recommend?
Caddie: Canadian, sir.

[golfman43]

Golfer: Do you think I can get it on the green?
Caddie: Well i hope so, if not i might quit now.

Golfer: I think i got it over the water.
Caddie: No sir you defitintley did not, sorry, heres another ball.

[PiKapp23]

How about the old story of a player and caddy at St. Andrews Old Course (not sure if it's true of not or who the parties were supposed to be). As the story goes the player and caddy had not been having a good day together. When coming to 17 (Road Hole), since it's a blind dogleg shot over a fence and building (the hotel), the players asks the caddy where he should aim. The caddy responded by saying "Aim at the 'f' in hotel." The player was obviously confused and said "There isn't an 'F' in hotel?." To which the caddy said, "I meant aim at the f***ing hotel."

I may not have gotten the wording exactly right, but that is essentially the story.

[Mr Eagle]

Ah! Scotland the dour humour of the Jocks. When teeing off at St Andrews an American golfer sliced his ball wildly and said to his caddy thats a mulligans.To which the caddy replied.......This is Scotland sir you will be taking three off the tee.

Later on in the round the caddy said to the golfer that there was some sh!t on the end of his club. The golfer looked bemused as he inspected his shinney 4 iron.

Caddy........I was refering to the other end

[BillyG]

Golfer....Well, I have never played this badly before!

Caddy....I didn't realize you had played before, Sir



Golfer....Do you think my game is improving?

Caddy....Oh yes, Sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to

[VOX]

Here are some standards:
10 BEST GOLF CADDY REPLIES

GOLFER: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
CADDY: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

GOLFER: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
CADDY: "Try heaven, you've already moved the earth."

GOLFER: "Do you think my game is improving?"
CADDY: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

GOLFER: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
CADDY: "Eventually."

GOLFER: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
CADDY: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

GOLFER: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
CADDY: "It's not a watch sir, it's a compass."

GOLFER: "How do you like my game?"
CADDY: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

GOLFER: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
CADDY: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

GOLFER: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
CADDY: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

#1 Best Caddy Comment:
GOLFER: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
CADDY: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

A couple actual experiences I've had should also be up there. My partner hit a bad tee shot on the first hole the morninig of our practice round at Lahinch after we had been badly over-served the night before. I suggested that he hit another. Walking down the fairaway he said "Gee in the States we call that a Mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?" the caddy never cracked a smile and simply replied "we call that lyin' three Laddie".

Later the same day, at Doonbeg, my drive ran through the fairway into the high grass. My caddy said "too bad yer in the love grass". I mentioned that we call it fescue at home and asked why they call it "love grass". "Cuz now yer F*@ked" he replied.

[Pinseeker81]