Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

**chriskzoo** · July 14, 2010

So every year my buddy and I play in the GAM (Golf Assoc. of Michigan) 2-man Net Team Best Ball event and yesterday we played in the qualifier and are moving on to the finals, which are the day after Labor Day. SO I get home and have this conversation:

Wife: "How did golf go?"
Me: "I played really well and we qualified for the finals."
Wife: "Oh, so that means you have to play ANOTHER day?"
Me: "Yes, same as the last 2 years, but we didn't qualify last year. The finals are the day after Labor Day."
Wife: "You mean the first daty of school?" (Daughter is starting kindergarten, oldest son to pre-school).
Me: "I guess it is."
Wife: "Well, I guess you'll have to decide what's more important to you."

Of course I'm playing, I just hate that kind of BS wives try to lay on you about golf.

**sean_miller** · July 14, 2010

So every year my buddy and I play in the GAM (Golf Assoc. of Michigan) 2-man Net Team Best Ball event and yesterday we played in the qualifier and are moving on to the finals, which are the day after Labor Day. SO I get home and have this conversation:

Your wife sounds like an angry person right now - might want to ask her why. The "first day" of school ends as soon as they get dropped off. What time is your tournament?

**shades9323** · July 14, 2010

Your wife sounds like an angry person right now - might want to ask her why. The "first day" of school ends as soon as they get dropped off. What time is your tournament?

If he is in Kzoo, his tournament is 150 miles away from his home.

I could see his wifes point about not being able to help.

**chriskzoo** · July 14, 2010

No, I live probably 45 minutes from the tourney site and I'm not even sure what the tee times are yet, so it could be a non-issue, but I'm assuming we're playnig in the morning.

I forgot to mention that she compared it to missing graduation from high school (I guess in the sense that, yes, it only happens once). I laughed at her at that point.

**sean_miller** · July 14, 2010

If he is in Kzoo, his tournament is 150 miles away from his home.

Maybe she wasn't really listening when he explained to her that he might not be there. Now if he forgot to mention it, that's another story. Either way, they have 2 months to fight about it, so that's awesome.

**shades9323** · July 14, 2010

Maybe she wasn't really listening when he explained to her that he might not be there. Now if he forgot to mention it, that's another story. Either way, they have 2 months to fight about it, so that's awesome.

Taking bets on wether or not he told her the actual date of the finals? I would wager he didn't.

**senorchipotle** · July 14, 2010

wtf does she expect you to do? so you drop off the kids to school, then go play golf. or if you can't take them to school, she could by herself. honestly, my pop hardly ever took me to school, was always mom. and it's not like the fact that she dropped me off had any effect on me whatsoever as an adult. not sure why women make this whole pomp and circumstance on the first day of school, as if the kids are going to remember it when they get older, which of course they won't.

*steps off soapbox* op, you should ask your wife what she did her first day of kindergarten. when she tells you she doesn't remember, then subtly let it be known you've established your point, and that you're playing that day. she knows your kids are more important than golf obviously, and it was unfair of her and wrong to try and use that against you to coerce you not to go.

**chriskzoo** · July 14, 2010

Taking bets on wether or not he told her the actual date of the finals? I would wager he didn't.

Actually, I didn't know (or at least didn't look it up). I thought was around the 13th, but it's the 7th.

Look at it from the perspective that: 1) I was there for the first day of my daughter's pre-school, so it's not the "first" first day of school. 2) My son starts pre-school in the afternoon, I would be at work anyway. 3) It is a team event and a decision to not play would also screw my buddy. I can see the conversation: "Hey, I know we qualified, but our tee time is at 9:00am and I have to drop the kid off at school to start at 8:50. I'll be done by 8:55 and have nothing to do the rest of the day, but can't make it to the course on time. Sorry about your $100 entry fee."

*steps off soapbox* op, you should ask your wife what she did her first day of kindergarten. when she tells you she doesn't remember, then subtly let it be known you've established your point, and that you're playing that day. she knows your kids are more important than golf obviously, and it was unfair of her and wrong to try and use that against you to coerce you not to go.

A man of reason. You have to understand my wife - the marriage is great, but I literally have to force her to take some "me time" so every time I tell her I'm playing golf or doing whatever, I think she compares it to "He would rather do X, than spend time with the family."

She's a stay-at-home mom (her choice), so I'm sure the kids grind on her, but now that they are getting into school she sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

**2bGood** · July 14, 2010

My wife is pretty good about golf/work. I have a job that calls for me to be out late, on top of that I try to golf a couple times a week and have two young kids. Though I might be out for work 2-4 nights per week, my schedule is flexible enough that if there something going on with the kids during the day, I am the one that takes them. I also tend to just randomly take an afternoon off and take my daughters out for the day to do something they like. I do this because I want to, but it alos buys me allot of credit with my wife to allow me do some of the other things I have to do and want to do.

There is a few big golf rounds I play, like the club championship (3 day evemt) and I am sure to let my wife know about them about a year in advance so the days are clear for me.

Having said all that, between golf and my kids first day of school, I would pick my kid, it would be something I just would not want to miss.

**senorchipotle** · July 14, 2010

A man of reason. You have to understand my wife - the marriage is great, but I literally have to force her to take some "me time" so every time I tell her I'm playing golf or doing whatever, I think she compares it to "He would rather do X, than spend time with the family."

ok, so here's what i think you should do. the weekend before or after, buy her a massage, and let her indulge while you keep the kids.

**tws1098** · July 14, 2010

Maybe you could ask her to take a few pictures of them getting on the bus or being dropped off, whatever the case may be, to show interest in their 1st day. I would think as long as you take an interest and maybe help get them ready for the 1st day, she will be more understanding. Good luck in the final and with your wife.

**mdbuschsr** · July 14, 2010

...as if the kids are going to remember it when they get older, which of course they won't. ....

I remember very little of my childhood, but I do remember having my picture taken with my father in front of the house on my first day of kindergarten. I have no recollection about the day at school, but I remember that morning, like it just happened.

Not saying you should or shouldn't play, and I honestly don't know what I would do in the same situation... Fortunately, I don't have to worry about it. My son is in fourth grade, and going to school for him now is like me going to work... Just another day!

**alomar123** · July 14, 2010

ok, so here's what i think you should do. the weekend before or after, buy her a massage, and let her indulge while you keep the kids.

I dont agree to that. He doesnt need to make up for anything for his wife. It is his kid he would have to make up for.

**Titleist_ProV1x** · July 14, 2010

So every year my buddy and I play in the GAM (Golf Assoc. of Michigan) 2-man Net Team Best Ball event and yesterday we played in the qualifier and are moving on to the finals, which are the day after Labor Day. SO I get home and have this conversation:

Golf is just a game, your kids are far more important, especially at their ages. when you grow up and get over yourself you'll understand .....

**senorchipotle** · July 14, 2010

are you guys serious?!? the first day of kindergarten is not that big a big deal. my dad was always there for stuff i do remember though. graduations, important athletic events, parents weekends at college, etc. not to mention he's got a playing partner to whom he's got to explain why he won't be playing.

**shades9323** · July 14, 2010

are you guys serious?!? the first day of kindergarten is not that big a big deal. my dad was always there for stuff i do remember though. graduations, important athletic events, parents weekends at college, etc. not to mention he's got a playing partner to whom he's got to explain why he won't be playing.

I think your outlook will change once(if) you have children. Especially from the mothers point of view.

**2bGood** · July 14, 2010

Actually, I didn't know (or at least didn't look it up). I thought was around the 13th, but it's the 7th.

I am glad your are sounding out your arguments here as they need work. 1. If you go this way, you telling your wife that you don't really think this is all that important. First day of Pre-School vs First day of Real School in her eyes is like breaking 80 and a par 3 course vs breaking 80 at bethpage black. If I were you I wouldn't try to argue how important the day actually is. To her it is a big deal. enough said 2. If you can get the day off for golf, you could get the day off for your kids. Don't go here 3. You are going to golf out of duty to your friend? Your smart enough and been married long enough not go there. You may want to focus on the fact that this has been a goal of yours for many years, and you need to know that she supports you in achieving it. I think your best saying that you are conflicted as you want to do both things, and then work out a way you can. Maybe hold a BBQ to celbrate the day before, or book a dinner with just you and you eldest the day after to celebrate. Stay at home moms are tough on these issues, the kids are her life right now, so any milestone is huge for her. You have to make sure she knows that you understand that. As an aside, have you had he "golf talk" with her. Have you really shared with her why you love the game, and why you can be a better family because you play it? You should read the first 1/3 of Golf in the Kingdom for insperation before you have the talk.

**Koth** · July 14, 2010

It sounds to me like your wife is more upset about golf, and is just using the first day of school as a tipping point.

Wife: "Oh, so that means you have to play ANOTHER day?"

Find out if she's upset about the amount you're golfing or if the first day of school is really her reason for being upset.

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Qualified for a tournament. Bad father? Wife guilt trip

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