favorite golf line while playing,...

[cmay119]

Usually playing with my regular buddies. If you hit a tee shot that looks like it's heading into the rough but bounces back into the fairway, you'll say: "Members Bounce!" and then another buddy will chime in with "Payin' them dues!".

When 2 guys get on the green in regulation, if the second guy get's in closer, the obligatory Happy Gilmore response from him/her is: "Somebody's closer."

Whenever I land a ball on the cart path and get to drop back on the grass, I'll kick it first and say "Winter rules" with my best Ted Knight voice I can muster.
I'll then pick it up and drop it appropriately.

I'll continue to quote Caddy Shack to friends if they come out to the course in a simple white polo-t. I'll say "Hey Whitey, where's your hat?"

God that movie has produced such wonderful & timeless golf banter.

[merklitl]

If someone takes long shallow divot that stays intact, my buddy will yell out "We're grilling that one!" as they usually resemble strip steaks.

Same guy will also murmur "one" if you knock the ball off the tee before your drive.

[Ian]

Just a quick funny story, my golf coach, my teamate, my dad and i are playing at an end of the year round.

My golf coach steps up to the tee and comments "watch this boys this is how you hit a HUGE drive"

He proceeds to sky the ball straight up and it actually lands behind him...

ROFL

[case31]

Whenever a playing partner (one that I know well) hits one that's heading hopelessly out of bounds or in a lake, I like to say, "Kick hard!"

[Grndslmhttr3]

I have a friend who does that ALL the time and then tells me that he's actually an awesome putter but he can't do anything about these crap greens.

Hahahahaha.

A good putter can cope with pretty much all greens fairly well, or that's my standpoint. I can putt well on most greens, but this time of the year they seem to run pretty fast, and I need to work on fast greens.

[heyscuba]

Guys,... I've been gone for a while after serving some well desreved penalty time, I'm back trying to work my way back into the good graces of this site.


Here are some funny golf quotes I thought of while I read all of your great additions to this funny thread,...

Golf Quotes,…

Sometimes out of now where, I’ll tell someone “I have 2 pair of pants on,… “
They say “for what,…” and I say “in case I get a ‘hole in one’,…”

To a man on a putt too short,…. “I think you’re hand got caught on your skirt,…”

We all know the one about when someone cranks one straight left and someone says,…
“that’s a Thurman Munson,…..” (a dead yank,…)

There’s more of those I know,…

When I’m having trouble off the tee I once said,…
“I’m having more trouble with my driver than Princess Dianna,…”

A very high, popped up ball,… “that’s a home run in silo,…”

Another high popper,… say “That’s an E.A.,…..an Elephants Ass,…
It’s high,… and it stinks,…”

Someone hits a fatty and a big chunk of mud comes up,…
“I couldn’t move that much dirt with a shovel,…”

“Golf is like sex,…. You don’t have to be good at it to like it,…”

When someone in the isn’t playing well and you see some other friends on the course and someone says,… “How ya’ll hittin ‘em,,,?”,… and you go,… “ I’m 5 over,… Bob’s 3 over,… Jim is 6 over and Bill,…. he’s all over,…” (the place)


When some one hits a real short putt or a real long one and they are still out, I say,…
USA,… (which means) U still away,…

When you’re at a tournament and a group on a hole near you start’s hooping and hollering real loud,… you yell out,… “nice Bogie,…” (they get pissed,…)

A long high ball fly’s way off the tee,… you say,…
“anything that high and long should have a stewardess on it,…”
or,… “is there a movie on this flight,…”

I don’t know why but after a monstrous drive,…we used to say
“Mongo love corn,…”

I wish we could get Boo Weekly on this thread,…

[klaymon]

On a popped up drive - "run it out".

These are gold.

[maycam10]

I use the obvious humor lines like. "The key to shooting low is to hit good shots"
or "All you need to do is make it into the hole"

[clubhousehero]

I got this one from my buddy and its funnier if you watch south park.

My tee shot on a par 3 was headed directly for a HUGE bunker. Because i was going to the beach he says "Don't forget to bring a towel" in the Towelie voice.

[Guest]

When someone hits a tree..."who turned on the magnet trees"

and the best one of all....when someone hits it towards the lake

"You got a license to hunt ducks"

Boo would like that one...

[R.Marciano]

Well, I am on vacation at the moment in Australia and playing today with my brother and a couple of his Australian friends, they said a few things on the course that I could not understand until I was told afterwards.

"That is the ducks nuts". Apparently that means a great shot.
"You are up the creek without a paddle". Apparently that means you are in trouble.

Go figure, I find it tough to understand them as they speak so fast and my English is fluent, well I thought it was.

[telrod11]

When someone hits a tree..."who turned on the magnet trees"

The tree one reminded me of these:

Go Tree Monkey, throw it out.... Or, if it doesn't come out - You have to pay those tree monkeys...

[RC]

Not an original and I forgot the original author, but sometimes this one plays out perfectly with a new guy:

You crush a tee shot well past your playing partner's ball. Moving down the fairway you say, "Did you know they are building a shopping center here at the golf course?

If you are lucky, they will answer something like this, "No way, where would they put it?"

And you say... "Between my ball and yours."

****
Now, we leave out the intro and just comment subtly with relative size statements, like: That's a Dillards, no, a Best Buy, or that's not even a phone kiosk, etc.

[Sir Hack a-lot]

I always say when people hit it in the shi*...."Better you, than me!"

[mirv]

this isn't something that i can use on a regular basis, but it was a good laugh the one time it was valid. a friend and i were playing a par 3 course, and my friend hits a powerful, powerful slice which is curling right in towards a tee box about 250 yards away. said tee box happens to have four people standing on it, one of which is teeing off. watching his ball flight and seeing where it was going, i growled in my most insane, menacing voice "yes josh. kill them. kill them all!" the ball didn't hit any of them, but missed only by feet. immediately after, he said "oh my GOD, i had no idea people were even on that box. i was just watching the ball, and then i hear you going 'kill them!' and i was like ...whaaa? then i SAW them! scariest moment of my golf life right there."

[st0wgolf08]

I have 2:
1. If a friend hits into the sand, "It's a nice day for the beach!"
2. If a friend hits the cart path, "Meet my little friend the Sidewalk!"

[flap]

After a good shot "Even a blind squirel finds an acorn once in a while"
A fat shot is a Ben and Jerry's-ie chunky monkee
In the trap is "Bring your pail and shovell"
Any missed green is Chip and a putt.
Along drive that could use some roll is "Kill some worms"
A putt left short is "Hike up your thong and swing like a man"
A putt hammered is "The giants win the pennant"

[tennis transfer]

When my roommate hit a terrible shot and made a face:
"Want to hit another one?"
"Why the **** would I want to do that again?"