The Divorced Men Thread

[Braivo]

I am a divorced father. It's been about three years since my divorce.

Divorce can be one hell of a ride for most men. I thought we could share some stories, advice, and experiences to help other guys going through the same or just vent. We can keep it light and humorous or really share some heartache.

I will start:

Since my divorce some things in my life are infinitely better, and some are still a challenge.

I have found that with split custody I have much more time for golf!

The downside is that I only see my kids 50% of the time.

I also have to deal with my ex-wife for the next 12 years or so.

But I no longer have to see her every single day.

Overall I have taken control of my physical and mental health and have had a positive outcome post-divorce. My kids still feel the sting, but putting myself into a positive frame of mind has helped them tremendously.

[Gunther]

3.5 years for me, 2nd time from the same woman (I know). 1st time I stayed in the house and raised my son as a single dad, essentially. We didn't adhere to the divorce decree in terms of custody, I had him most of the time and when she wanted him, she got him. 10 yrs later we decided to try again so I sold my house and we bought one together. 4 yrs later, oops, we shouldn't have done that. This time I moved out and my daughter lives there. That part sucks but I see her often and with texting and such, we're in touch constantly. Can't think of anything negative about being divorced except I wonder how nice it must be to have a great relationship with a woman. By and large, I'm enjoying my life immensely.

[Braivo]

3.5 years for me, 2nd time from the same woman (I know).

1st time I stayed in the house and raised my son as a single dad, essentially. We didn't adhere to the divorce decree in terms of custody, I had him most of the time and when she wanted him, she got him.

10 yrs later we decided to try again so I sold my house and we bought one together. 4 yrs later, oops, we shouldn't have done that. This time I moved out and my daughter lives there.

That part sucks but I see her often and with texting and such, we're in touch constantly.

Can't think of anything negative about being divorced except I wonder how nice it must be to have a great relationship with a woman. By and large, I'm enjoying my life immensely.

No judgment, I am guessing most of us have had plenty of regrettable decisions leading up to our current circumstances. I have plenty, although like you said, my life is quite enjoyable at the moment.

My kids are young, but I do look forward to being able to text and keep in touch electronically. I really think that will help keep more continuity in our relationship.

[Gunther]

No judgment, I am guessing most of us have had plenty of regrettable decisions leading up to our current circumstances. I have plenty, although like you said, my life is quite enjoyable at the moment.  My kids are young, but I do look forward to being able to text and keep in touch electronically. I really think that will help keep more continuity in our relationship.

Yes, electronic media is awesome for communicating with the kids when you don't live with em (I'm only 10 miles away). She'll out of the blue text me "wryd?", then I know she wants a ride somewhere, although from time to time she's just cking in, which is nice. We send funny stuff back and forth, etc. By no means a substitute for f2f contact but very nice when that is not possible. It's enhanced our relationship, for sure.

[Braivo]

As a single dad, the weekends with my kids are a blast, but also exhausting. The weekends without my kids mean golf and relaxation. Overall it's a good balance.

[isukgolf]

Veteran of divorce here ... :~( Its been years ago now, but I went back to court and got full custody of my kids, and raised them myself. I feel sorry for my daughter as it was just her and myself during her high school years ... but she turned out pretty good despite me learning to be a mom as well as a dad. My sons went to Inrterlochen for high school and then to New School/NYU for college, so they missed most of the excitement in that regards. My lesson learned was documentation, documentation, documentation, when going to court. My life could not be better now ... I made sure current wife came with unlimited golf. :-D

[Mr. Desmond]

6 years later ...

One son is married, the other is 9 yrs old, and I spend as much time as I want with him.

My ex regrets the divorce; I do not. As usual, I jumped aboard too soon. I suggested counseling; she suggested divorce. Her family said divorce would not affect child -- and all I get from my son is why are you divorced, and even if you are, why don't you live with each other?

Three years after divorce, ex diagnosed with a terminal disease, and it would feel weird to date with her condition and a child. And at my low T age, dating is not a priority.

It's tough to raise a child, do consulting, travel, and keep a house ... and play golf. That's why dating is so low on the list. It's all a balance.

[Braivo]

Veteran of divorce here ...

Its been years ago now, but I went back to court and got full custody of my kids, and raised them myself. I feel sorry for my daughter as it was just her and myself during her high school years ... but she turned out pretty good despite me learning to be a mom as well as a dad.

My sons went to Inrterlochen for high school and then to New School/NYU for college, so they missed most of the excitement in that regards.

My lesson learned was documentation, documentation, documentation, when going to court.

My life could not be better now ... I made sure current wife came with unlimited golf.

Life seems to turn out better for us divorced guys for sure. The kids feel it more. Good for you for getting full custody and raising them yourself. I missed a window where I may have been able to get full custody, but their mom has settled her life down and the kids have rekindled their relationship with her, so I don't think it was the wrong decision in the long run.

Learning to be both a mom and dad is tough at times. It is not my nature to nurture, and having to shift back and forth between parenting roles can be exhausting.

My current girlfriend doesn't dare to complain about the time commitment required for my golf hobby...

6 years later ...

One son is married, the other is 9 yrs old, and I spend as much time as I want with him.

My ex regrets the divorce; I do not. As usual, I jumped aboard too soon. I suggested counseling; she suggested divorce. Her family said divorce would not affect child -- and all I get from my son is why are you divorced, and even if you are, why don't you live with each other?

Three years after divorce, ex diagnosed with a terminal disease, and it would feel weird to date with her condition and a child. And at my low T age, dating is not a priority.

It's tough to raise a child, do consulting, travel, and keep a house ... and play golf. That's why dating is so low on the list. It's all a balance.

Kids will always be impacted by divorce. The mainstream advice that it doesn't is a lie. I had a very amicable split and my kids still ask, 3 years later, why we got divorced and why they can't see both of us at the same time.

Yeah, I tend to favor golf over keeping a house and investing in my dating life (much to the dismay of my current girlfriend.) I was lucky to find a single mother who is the same situation as myself. There are no expectations beyond spending what little free time we have together (after golf of course.)

BTW, don't just accept low T as inevitable, you'd be surprised what a little time in the weight room can do for your virility.

[Valleygolfer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gunther

3.5 years for me, 2nd time from the same woman (I know).

1st time I stayed in the house and raised my son as a single dad, essentially. We didn't adhere to the divorce decree in terms of custody, I had him most of the time and when she wanted him, she got him.

10 yrs later we decided to try again so I sold my house and we bought one together. 4 yrs later, oops, we shouldn't have done that. This time I moved out and my daughter lives there.

That part sucks but I see her often and with texting and such, we're in touch constantly.

Can't think of anything negative about being divorced except I wonder how nice it must be to have a great relationship with a woman. By and large, I'm enjoying my life immensely.

You broke rules my friend....

Rules I live by now:

1. Never sign a legal documents binding you with another person.
2. Never purchase anything jointly or partnership business
3. Do not move in with anyone (unless you are 70 and want to run out the clock with some rich widow)
4. Never get someone pregnant

You're welcome