How to deal with them?

**Duffy** · June 11, 2009

Hi All,

I was recently a walk on at a club that I don't normally play. I was pleased when the stater put me on with a couple of fellas that played the course often. We were then joined by a fourth a few minutes later when I noticed that the fourth fellow to join us looked to be about a 400 handicap. I really don't mind playing with beginners as we were all one at one time. My question is this, The two other guys that we were playing with were brutal toward the guy and I could see his embarrasment and humiliation and felt horrible for him. The course was crowded and I really couldn't separate so, How do I deal with %*!$# holes like this without creating an even bigger problem? Is there an answer to this? I have to say that I have never seen anything like this before and hope that I never will again.

Thanks, Duffy

**schapman** · June 11, 2009

I'd probably just be extra supportive of him. I'm pretty new to the game (as my HDCP indicates) yet when I play with my brother and his friends they are always sure to congradulate me on a good shot.

If it got really bad I'd probably talk to them on the side and ask them to tone it down. No one needs jerks on the course discouraging anyone from playing. The more people that play the better for the game in the long run.

jns575 · June 11, 2009

I can say with confidence that I am not a very good golfer. Although, I don't care if someone is a better golfer than me, that doesn't make them better than me. All in all, the guy should of stood up for himself. I know if anyone ever came at me like that and were trying to embarass me, I would put a stop to that REAL quick, probably getting thrown off the course in the process. I have come close to being asked to leave courses before, because of cussing at the course marshalls. In my opinion, most of the guys who treat people like that on a golf course are trying to make up for something, put them in their place real quick and they usually make a 180 degree turn around.

All in all, I have met some really GOOD people on golf courses. I have found that everyone is out there for the same reason and thats to have fun. There are always going to be those tough guy chumps who need to put in their place, set the tone early if you see that personality in them.

I remember a guy said something to me after I sliced a drive, and I found a simple "Why don't you shut the hell up?" will keep their mouth shut. I know a lot of guys including myself who don't allow that kind of stuff to go on around them. No one should feel targetted by personal attacks by others on a golf course.

Hopefully, you never have to use anything like this, though. I rarely feel irritated by people other than myself on the golf course :).

Hope I helped brotha!

**Fourputt** · June 11, 2009

Hi All,

These are the same guys who picked on the geeks unmercifully in high school. The only thing is that most people outgrow the need to stroke their egos by causing pain to someone else. Those guys apparently didn't.

You see guys like them with the outdated locker room mentality occasionally, and I honestly don't know how I'd deal with such creeps. I guess it would depend on the situation at the time. Maybe start clapping my hands during their backswings, walking on their putting line, and generally being ass myself toward them? When they ask or complain I'd just tell them that I was following their lead.

**pjsnyc** · June 11, 2009

...Maybe start clapping my hands during their backswings, walking on their putting line, and generally being ass myself toward them? When they ask or complain I'd just tell them that I was following their lead.

Two wrongs never make a right. Its something I try to live by (but sometimes I slip up too).

To answer the OP - I woulda told those two exactly what you said:

...I really don't mind playing with beginners as we were all one at one time...

Then gauge their reaction. If it was a crowded day like you said, its not like they coulda gone anywhere anyway.

**billm408** · June 11, 2009

You played golf with Colin Montgomery??

In this case, I doubt anything you would've said or done would make much difference. I would have just gone out of my way to be nice to the other guy.

**pittpanther** · June 11, 2009

These are the same guys who picked on the geeks unmercifully in high school.

I bet you dollars to donuts, these jerks GOT picked on in high school. Now that they found something they do well, they pick on others instead of being sympathetic.

I would find it hard to believe that ANYONE who learned to play as an adult, would pick on another beginner. Only someone who learned as a kid and thinks everyone else in the world learned as a kid, would have this attitude towards a beginner.

Maybe start clapping my hands during their backswings, walking on their putting line, and generally being ass myself toward them? When they ask or complain I'd just tell them that I was following their lead.

I would caution against escalating the situation, unless you want to end up in a physical confrontation.

**BigBoy** · June 11, 2009

I guess my reaction would have depended on what 'brutal' was - if they were directly confronting him about his play, I would have stayed out of it most likely, as adult men should be able to stick up for themselves, and a good way to often do t hat is just to ignore it, by me sticking my nose into it, it would make it harder for him to let it go.

if they were being passive agressive (whispering snide remarks to each other) or bitching to me behind his back, i would just tell them that I don't like to get bent out of shape on the course because its my place to relax, and hope that they got the hint that I didn't want to join in on their childish behavior.

Now, if they were just giving the guy a good natured hard time, I might try to smile broadly while they were doing it to make sure the other guy understood it was all in good fun. I know on days when I can't get anything going, I feel a little embarrassed, and I'd almost rather them say something that busts my chops a little bit in front of my face rather than knowing that they are probably bitching to each other behind my back.

eeLad · June 12, 2009

Usually whenever I play with a really new beginner I'll suggest best ball to them. Let them take their tee shot, if it's pretty much gone, just let them drop a ball near another player and play that shot. It let's them get all the shots in in a game and doesn't slow the pace down. If they're that new then I assume they're not that concerned with scoring. Just playing a practicing still gets accomplished this way.

**jonnythan** · June 12, 2009

Usually whenever I play with a really new beginner I'll suggest best ball to them. Let them take their tee shot, if it's pretty much gone, just let them drop a ball near another player and play that shot. It let's them get all the shots in in a game and doesn't slow the pace down. If they're that new then I assume they're not that concerned with scoring. Just playing a practicing still gets accomplished this way.

I think that's only a good idea if you're actually slowing down play for the people behind you. When it's crowded you're often waiting for the guys in front of you anyway.

Even new golfers who aren't very good don't like to be singled out for special treatment.

**microcrayfish** · June 12, 2009

I would find it hard to believe that ANYONE who learned to play as an adult, would pick on another beginner. Only someone who learned as a kid and thinks everyone else in the world learned as a kid, would have this attitude towards a beginner.

I'd say that'd be about right.

**Bauer** · June 12, 2009

I often play with strangers and most often they aren't very good. I try to be very encouraging but one of my biggest problems is trying to "teach" a bit too much. Overall being supportive helps their game improve as you go because you give them confidence with your backing. In your situation I would say to the 400 handicapper, in private, to brush off what the other jerks are saying and just have fun. I would try and separate as two twosomes but as you said it was very busy. Just try and shadow the poor player and distance yourselves from the jerks. Just because you are playing the holes at the same time doesn't mean you absolutely have to play together.

**pjsnyc** · June 12, 2009

I think that's only a good idea if you're actually slowing down play for the people behind you. When it's crowded you're often waiting for the guys in front of you anyway...

I couldn't resist replying to this comment. I think that is a

horrible way to look at a round when the course is crowded. It is that mentality that helps a course achieve that elusive 6 hour round. /rant over

**Duffy** · June 12, 2009

Lots of help here. I think I'm getting over the trauma of that round and will try some of the methods here if (and I hope it doesn't) it ever happens again. Found out another thing as well, It helps one to air out a problem here and get past it. I think that I was as anxious over that round as Ed (Mr. 400) and couldn't wait for the round to be completed. As an aside, I emailed the course and told them of our problem and they are sending us a cert for a free round.

Duffy

**jonnythan** · June 12, 2009

I couldn't resist replying to this comment. I think that is a

What mentality? Letting someone play their own game because it's not slowing things down? I'm not sure I understand your comment.

jns575 · June 12, 2009

Lots of help here. I think I'm getting over the trauma of that round and will try some of the methods here if (and I hope it doesn't) it ever happens again. Found out another thing as well, It helps one to air out a problem here and get past it. I think that I was as anxious over that round as Ed (Mr. 400) and couldn't wait for the round to be completed. As an aside, I emailed the course and told them of our problem and they are sending us a cert for a free round.

Wait, was the new golfer a friend? If a friend of mine was getting hassled like that I would of handled it MUCH different.

If thats the case, you should of stuck up for your friend, ESPECIALLY if you invited him to come along. I would never allow one of my friends to feel humiliated on a golf course. A lot of these posts are the 'adult' thing to do, but that doesn't always mean the 'right' thing to do.

**Fourputt** · June 12, 2009

I couldn't resist replying to this comment. I think that is a

Huh??? He said (and I agree) that you should leave the guy alone as long as you are all keeping up the group in front of you. How does keeping up with the group ahead contribute to a 6 hour round? Your statement makes no sense at all.

If he does slow you down, then by all means, instruct and encourage him on pace of play procedures, but if the problem lies somewhere on the course in front of you, then let him play his game.

**pjsnyc** · June 12, 2009

What mentality? Letting someone play their own game because it's not slowing things down? I'm not sure I understand your comment.

Huh??? He said (and I agree) that you should leave the guy alone as long as you are all keeping up the group in front of you. How does keeping up with the group ahead contribute to a 6 hour round? Your statement makes no sense at all.

I'm not trying to be insulting in any way. My point is that even if you're keeping up with the group ahead, it shouldn't be an excuse to take your time. Believe me - I play courses in NYC where too many have this mentality and collectively it only worsens (lengthens) the round.

I've found that if its backed up, being up the next groups behind (for lack of a better phrase) often causes them to speed up too. Which in turn speeds up the group ahead, etc. Eventually the group thats way out in front that is holding everyone up will get the idea and either let people play through or speed up.

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