Apology Conference

I made the mistake of scheduling my apology conference at 11 AM on the 19th of February, needless to say nobody showed up or heard my statement. So, in the interest of fairness I will post my statement.
Good Morning, and thank you for joining me, many of you in this forum are my friends, many of you know me, many of you have cheered for me, worked with me or supported me. (deep breath and a dramatic pause)
now everyone of you has reason to be critical of me, I want to say to all of you simply and directly, (tears welling in my eyes) I am deeply sorry (yea right) note to self- don't say that- for my irresponsible golf game. I engage in. I know people want to find out how I can be so bad on the golf course, so foolish, people want to know, how I could have done these things to my regular foursome, and all playing partners in general.
While I have always tried to be good player, the truth is I suck (at golf at golf dammit). My partners and I have discussed my shortcomings (not my anatomy) and have decided to work through this problem. I have moved to Northeast Ohio where there is 7 months of snow and 5 months of rain and I believe I can beat this addiction to golf. I have cheated and been unfaithful to the game I love ,yes I have been bowling, (tears streaming down my face)
What I did was unacceptable and I am the only person responsible. (at this point I can't go on) the wife is yelling.

that's bilarious!

not bad not bad pretty good

Your apology accepted

All I can ask is my friends believe in me again, I'll kick this bowling thing (I mean bad golf habits) and be back on the links with my true love. Mom how did I do? I love you baby she said, I'll always be by your side even if those biatches won't. BTW when I come back I'm still puttin my balls in the rough and they can't stop me, remember they need me more than I need them.

Great post! I know you aren't taking questions, but what about all those rumors of performance enhancing drugs?

If you were truly sorry you would post it in a You-tube video so I am not convinced that you are being sincere.

Juvenile post IMO but that's beside the point. Are you saying that PipePro used performance enhancing drugs? Tiger addressed that in his conference....maybe PipePro should make an announcement, state his position and at the same time apologize to all of us. We do deserve that.....right?

So why bother defending himself at this venue? I sure think there's something to it and have for years. I mean with all the stuff going on in his life why even address it if it's so far fetched?

Alright I can finish what happened at my conference the wife has left for her court ordered anger management course. I want to point out there wasn't any domestic violence on my wife's part, I put that 9 iron up my rearend, and I smashed the windows of my vehicle because I was so ashamed of myself.
Now to address the performance enhancing drugs. It's all made up by the commie pinko press thats why they are not present today (in fact nobody showed up). I will say that in the 60's I heard about Rabbits on the tour and I did take some blood transfusions from a rural doctor in Mississippi, little did I know he took the blood of the Mad Hatter and I have been looney ever since, I can't stop wearing that stove pipe hat. The only performance enhancing drug I ever took was ex-lax, this so called Doctor told me that if I wanted to finish my rounds strong I should take it at the turn and when I was coming down the last few holes it would take my mind off the pressure of sinking those last putts to break 90 (I had to stop that after the locker room attendants refused to clean my pants). My drives were straighter because my cheeks were so tight, so I had that going for me.
I plan to return one day, I don't know when (probably after I have that 9 iron surgically removed) I know my playing partners are in near bankruptcy due to the loss of my nassau money, and I hope that one day they can believe in me again, Mommy hug me my wife won't (fake crying here). Unlike that other guy I will be answering question the next time I show up at the club.

Apparently (based on Randy4h's post) there are people that would like to have it addressed. And the amount of attention that this subject has received has increased since the scandal broke. So why not address it? He addressed the performance enhancing drugs in his message so, to me, it's a dead subject until someone proves otherwise.

PipePro: I have made some investigations into your golf game. Don't be concerned, any charge of you using "performance enhancing" drugs will never, ever stick in your particular case. When you actually manage to clear a bunker at 200 yards, then the situation might change but until that time ........

Just post a video of yourself playing a few holes - then everyone will understand.

Thank you Sir for this thread and good luck with the rehab......
ROTFLMAO,
Chas.

p.s. why not move to southern Cal, where you'd actually be able to benefit from taking PEDs - all year round?!!
hehehe

Chas thank you for your support, here is the video you asked for and I also have a picture of me finishing my last round before the scandal broke. I thought about moving to California during my therapy hiatus but it wasn't Southern Cal. I was going to move to San Francisco so I would blend in with my pink and pastel clothing. Here in NEOhio they think I am a Harlem Pimp. I quickly changed my mind when I thought if my playing partners there knew I could survive a 9 iron head in my rear end I was in trouble. I might be afraid to look for my balls in the woods.

Hey there ERC: Don't know if you get it or not, but the OP was joking, OK? My response to him was a joke, OK? We all know that

the other guy with an apology conference on Friday will never address the steroid issue. Sorry if I appear juvenile to you. Relax.

Yeah....I get it.

As was my response to your response. You'd said "I know you aren't taking questions, but what about all those rumors of performance enhancing drugs?". With that, I said "Are you saying that PipePro used performance enhancing drugs? Tiger addressed that in his conference....maybe PipePro should make an announcement, state his position...". Ya see....my response to your response was a joke. OK?

Yeah....and as I stated, he did address the issue. Check out the

video around the 8:34 mark.

Where did I say that you appear juvenile. You said that the the original post was great and I said that, in my opinion, it's juvenile.

Pipe-Pro: LOL.

On second thoughts, you're right - they need you more in San Fran.

You have my very best hopes and wishes in all your future endeavors. Ever considered reality TV?