24 Golf Laws

[acetoolguy]

Unknown author, sorry ifs already been posted.

24 Laws of Golf

LAW 1:

No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:

Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:

Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

LAW 4:

Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5

The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 6

A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.


LAW 7:

All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in Law does not come close.

LAW 8:

Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

LAW 9

The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 10

Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:

All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 12:

Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:

If it isn't broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:

It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you're lying 8.

LAW 15:

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17
It's not a gimme if you're still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:

You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

LAW 20:

Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW 21:

If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW 23:

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW 24:

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

[kobalt]

you forgot one

no good shot shall go unpunished.

[oudrees]

I got this in an email today and thought they were pretty funny, yet true

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come. This LAW does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

---

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

---

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.

---

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a LAW of the universe and should be cut down.

---

LAW 5: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

---

LAW 6: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murdererand an IRS agent – or some similar combination.

---

LAW 7: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. Your Mother in LAW does not come close.

---

LAW 8: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water. See LAW 3.

---

LAW 9: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

---

LAW 10: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

---

LAW 11: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

---

LAW 12: Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

---

LAW 13: If it isn’t broke, try changing your grip.

---

LAW 14: It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you’re lying 8.

---

LAW 15: Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

---

LAW 16: Non chalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

---

LAW 17: It’s not a gimme if you’re still 4 feet away.

---

LAW 18: The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

---

LAW 19: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

---

LAW 20: Every Time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

---

LAW 21: If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Dustin Johnson does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

---

LAW 22: There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

---

LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

---

LAW 24: Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

[Abu3baid]

I'm not sure if I have seen these, but I laughed pretty hard after reading most of them.. I will be sharing with friends :)

[Elmer]

Is that whats wrong with my 3 wood?

I thought it just hated me, didn't realize it was demon-possessed.

Now I dont feel so bad abut dropping it from my bag!

[Pete F]

That's why I have a 4 wood

[Pretzel]

That's why I have a 4 wood

Good catch on the loophole there.

[rkim291968]

LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

• Law 23.1, deep rough part A - 1st 5 balls you find in rough isn't yours.  If you have been sacrificing your golf balls to the golf god, the 6th will be yours.  Else, the ball is in Bermuda triangle of rough.
• Law 23.1, deep rough part B - If you find it without hardly looking for it, it is impossible to hit out anyway.
• Law 23.2, deep rough part C - if you mange to make contact with the ball, it goes less than 10 yards into the same rough.

The best thing to do in my case is to pretend to look for it, declare I can't find it, and hit my provision ball in lighter rough .

[Golfingdad]

LAW 23: A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LOL.  And the second, third and fourth balls you see are usually pieces of paper or leaves with sunlight on them.

[rkim291968]

LAW 19: You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

• Law 19.1 power of tree part I - if there is a tree in middle of a wide fairway, 90% of the time, your ball ends up hitting it, or land at its root.  See part II below.
• Law 19.2 power of tree part II - if you aim at the tree thinking you are too bad a golfer to hit it, you will hit it.  Reverse psychology does not apply.
• Law 19.3 power of tree part III - if your ball goes through a tree without hitting anything, it will bring 3 years of bad luck.  To avoid the bad luck, hit a provision and pretend the 1st ball was lost.