Ego

[Jason_]

I am suffering under the weight of the immense pressure I put on myself to do well. I have a huge ego that believes I should be able to do things greater than what’s probably reasonable or possible. 
 

This means whenever I make progress, which is hard to see when my expectations are so high, it feels minute even when others may deem it a great success of improvement.
 

I believe this attitude comes from fear partially because I want to make golf a career in the future and I get so focused on that I forget how I actually am right now in reality, which makes me delusional to be honest. 
Like I think/believe I can be a great golfer, I start thinking of myself playing great golf hitting my shots perfectly and that makes me think I should be or even am better than my current skill level. Then I start to get incredibly frustrated and start to berate myself when I make a mistake. Sometimes it becomes so much that I just have to laugh it off and just kinda say “It’s too stressful to even bother with”, and I stop caring.

I have thoughts like; “I’m not good enough”, “I need to be better”, When I tell people I want to be a golfer I think “they probably think I’m better than I actually am so I need to live up to that”. That last one is so annoying because I start doing things that make me LOOK better but not actually BE better.

I’ve only been playing for 5 months but this belief system has been carried over from other areas of my life which I have had the same problem.

It’s incredibly frustrating because I can recognise this pattern and want to change it but I think I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s become a habit. I’m not sure what I can do to change it but I wanted to write this to see if by sharing this and getting it out of my head I can ground myself in reality instead of getting lost in fantasy land.

I get headaches sometimes just trying to figure this out.

I think I need to admit to myself that I’m just not that good right now, but have the ability to improve and practise and with time I will get better.

Now that I think about it this is actually very, very hard to admit, like it just won’t get through to my brain.

I haven’t got my handicap yet which doesn’t help me with judging how good I actually am either. 

Right now I just want to enjoy golf one shot at a time because I really love to play, and get rid of this ego which stops me from doing so.

I am willing to let go of this belief within me.

I wrote this for myself but if you have anything to say that may help me I would be very grateful.

 

Jay

[dennyjones]

Golf is hard! Just like everything else in which one excels, it takes a lot of practice, patience and proper instruction.    Just because I say I want to be a concert pianist, doesn't define me but I won't achieve that goal without proper instruction, lots of practice and patience.    Even with the above attributes, it takes a special talent to reach the next level.   Most don't achieve excellence but don't quit reaching for the stars.  

[Double Mocha Man]

Jay/Jason... if you've hit some great shots, whether wedge, iron or driver, you know it is within you.  Becoming very good at this game requires the frequency of those good shots to happen more and more often.  You achieve this through practice and learning, preferably "learning" from a competent teaching pro. 

[cooke119]

IMHO, ego is the last thing you should bring to a golf course, the sport can be very frustrating especially when you have only been playing for five months as you said. Check your ego at the door, golf should be fun and thinking you are screwing up is a bad thing. 

You said you bring it over from other areas in your life, you may want to work on that, maybe seek professional help if it gets in the way of your happiness. Just a thought.

Good luck on your journey and try to keep the pressure off yourself. Hell I have been playing for most of my life and I still have a high index, (20+).

[Double Mocha Man]

4 minutes ago, cooke119 said:

IMHO, ego is the last thing you should bring to a golf course, the sport can be very frustrating especially when you have only been playing for five months as you said. Check your ego at the door, golf should be fun and thinking you are screwing up is a bad thing. 

You said you bring it over from other areas in your life, you may want to work on that, maybe seek professional help if it gets in the way of your happiness. Just a thought.

Good luck on your journey and try to keep the pressure off yourself. Hell I have been playing for most of my life and I still have a high index, (20+).

Good post, Cooke.

[Jason_]

Thank you all very much. I am very grateful for your words. I just spoke to my parents about this and they have given me advice on how to handle to the situation. To be honest I asked them how good they thought I was and they told me not very much.
 

Maybe it’s weird to say but that’s the best thing I’ve heard in a while. Where I used to think I should be able to play better and feel demoralised because of it, I know feel free since there are no expectations placed upon me since I’ve heard I am not a good player right now and I can now practise so that I will get better!

 I feel I have put my foot back on the pathway which I will now take one step at a time and try to enjoy every shot be it good or bad. 

[Sandy Divot]

Jason- Loosen up a bit. Relax! Enjoy the process. Golf has a lot of ups and downs. Even if you try to hit it good every time, it won't happen. Learn to accept bad shots, and learn how to recover. 

[Double Mocha Man]

Just now, Sandy Divot said:

Jason- Loosen up a bit. Relax! Enjoy the process. Golf has a lot of ups and downs. Even if you try to hit it good every time, it won't happen. Learn to accept bad shots, and learn how to recover. 

It's a little like baseball... the best hitters still only get 3 hits out of 10.  If you get 3.5 you win the batting title.  As a golfer, if you're close to scratch, I'd say you have maybe 5 good shots (open to interpretation) out of 10.  With most of the others being "effective".