Corny Joke Thread

[uttexas]

Why do birds fly upside down in Oklahoma?

Because there is nothing worth sh!tt!ng on.



Why do people that went to OU, or live in Oklahoma, say Oklahoma is OK?


Because they can't spell mediocre.

[Dub]

Why do birds fly upside down in Oklahoma?

Spent 5 weeks in Oklahoma city about ten years ago.....all I can say is that the state tree must have been a lightning bolt.

Those folks have tornado spotting down to a pure science. I couldn't get over how the weatherman would come on and show where in the city they were touchdowns but other parts were okay...."The Redhawks game is a go". I'll say one thing....those folks know how to lay out a city. OKC is about as straightforward as it comes......giant grid. Even I couldn't get lost.

[rmccabe6]

Why did the romans close the collaseum?

The lions were eating up all the prophets!

[Titleist Man]

Why did the romans close the collaseum?

i didnt really get that. Am i that stupid????

[Voiceontapex]

i didnt really get that. Am i that stupid????

prophets like profits as in money made they were eating up all the profits

[Voiceontapex]

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."

[Hoselrockets]

what do you get when you mix a brown chicken and a brown cow?


brownchickenbrowncowwwwww (porn music)

[Dub]

what do you get when you mix a brown chicken and a brown cow?

Round here most folks imitate the porn music by saying, "chick-a-chick-a-bow-wow". Proper diction is important when traveling to different cultures. We gots to fit in when telling stories.

[Pat007]

What's endless love

I believe you mean playing tennis...

[Pat007]

why do farts stink?

so deaf people can enjoy them too!



why don't women wear watches?

they don't have to, there's a clock on the oven.


why do women get married in white?

because it matches the kitchen appliances!


why do women have short feet?

so they can get closer to the sink to do dishes.


2 guys walk into a bar...ouch!

[JasonK88S]

Originally Posted by Pat007

why do farts stink?

so deaf people can enjoy them too!

why don't women wear watches?

they don't have to, there's a clock on the oven.

why do women get married in white?

because it matches the kitchen appliances!

why do women have short feet?

so they can get closer to the sink to do dishes.

2 guys walk into a bar...ouch!

Why do women wear make-up in public?

Doesn't matter, what the hell is she doing out of the kitchen!?

[ks8829]

What are your best Jokes?

 

1) What do you call it when you can not go pee?                            Urine trouble

2) Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?                             It runs in your jeans

3) What do Japanese Cannibals eat?                                     Ramen

4) What did the Buffalo say to his son when he went off to college?                            Bison

5) There is an Italian in the living room, a German in the dining room whos is in the bathoom?                         European

6) What is the difference between mash potatoes and pea soup?                           You can make mash potatoes

 

 

Brain Teaser

1) What is Y E S?         What is E Y E S?    most people do not say eyes

2) Wat 5 letter word has 4 personal pronouns?                     USHER

3) "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" is a grammatically correct sentence in English, used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated linguistic constructs.

 

Thanks for looking, I need new materials, please post your best jokes....................thanks again!

[dak4n6]

Joe and Steve arrive at the 18th tee all square.The hole is a moderate par 5, and Joe puts one down the middle, while Steve crushes his drive but pulls it left onto the cart path in the trees. Joe then plays conservatively and lays up 20 yd short of the green. He says, "Hey Steve it looks like you're in trouble". Steve says nothing and pulls a club. He leaves the ball on the cart path because he has a perfect opening, and takes a big swing, sending a shower of sparks flying from the concrete. The ball lands on the front of the green and runs up to 8 ft from the hole. Joe says, "Holy sh!t, what club did you hit?" Steve answers, "Your 4 iron".

 

[Patch]

When my Grand Ma turned 65, she started walking 5 miles a day. She is now 92 and I have no idea where she is. 

[SavvySwede]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."

The man sets about his task. Some 45 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the Earth. The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is relieved to know end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.