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Golf Jokes Master Thread


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I know politics are topic forbidden...but:

If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

Stuart M.
 

I am a "SCRATCH GOLFER".  I hit ball, Ball hits Tree, I scratch my head. 😜

Driver: Ping G410 Plus 10.5* +1* / 3 Hybrid: Cleveland HIBORE XLS / 4,5 & 6 Hybrids: Mizuno JP FLI-HI / Irons/Wedges 7-8-9-P-G: Mizuno JPX800 HD / Sand Wedge: Mizuno JPX 800 / Lob Wedge: Cleveland CBX 60* / Putter: Odyssey White Hot OG 7S / Balls: Srixon Soft / Beer: Labatt Blue (or anything nice & cold) 

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  • 4 months later...
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The Instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial - it strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface, like a grass path.”
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man in the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?”

From the land of perpetual cloudiness.   I'm Denny

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  • 7 months later...
45 minutes ago, dennyjones said:

golf book.jpg

Golf joke.jpg

They consulted me for chapter 4.

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • 8 months later...

Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.

They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:

“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”

He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:

“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”

The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:

“Small world.”

From the land of perpetual cloudiness.   I'm Denny

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  • 1 year later...

Three women were playing on the fourteenth hole, walking up to the green when out of the bushes come a very well endowed masked naked man running across the green in front of them, into the bushes on the other side.  

The first lady gasped and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The second lady sighed and said, "That wasn't my husband"  The third lady said, "That wasn't anyone from THIS Club!"


A guy hits a bad shot.  His playing partner says,

"That reminds me of your old girlfriend.  She was also short, fat, and ugly!"

Luis


  • 3 months later...

58K likes, 645 comments - standregolf on August 5, 2024: "Oh you hit it out of bounds? No you didnt. Introducing...

 

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • 1 month later...

10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

:ping: G25 Driver Stiff :ping: G20 3W, 5W :ping: S55 4-W (aerotech steel fiber 110g shafts) :ping: Tour Wedges 50*, 54*, 58* :nike: Method Putter Floating clubs: :edel: 54* trapper wedge

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  • Moderator
On 10/13/2024 at 1:12 PM, Vinsk said:

10K likes, 338 comments - yinzer_golf on September 23, 2024: "Sometimes golf is just gonna golf #golf #golfer...

One in a million here…..

That would happen to me, so 2 in a million!

Scott

Titleist, Edel, Scotty Cameron Putter, Snell - AimPoint - Evolvr - MirrorVision

My Swing Thread

boogielicious - Adjective describing the perfect surf wave

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  • Posts

    • Just an FYI, this has been tried by nearly every major sport at one time or another. Its surprisingly difficult and expensive for the sport to deal with.  I'm not sure that is necessarily a problem. Within a short driver of where I live there are tons of lesser events, semi-pro, corn-ferry, even college or high-school events I can and have taken my son and daughter to, in order to help them catch a bug for the game. We've all had a great time attending them. Plus we could leave early and not feel bad when the 10-year-old attention span starts to wain. ... although unfortunately no bugs for the game have been caught so far. 😢   As a consumer you could always refuse to buy from stubhub, etc.... If everyone did that it would put the secondary sellers out of business.  I say that as a complete hypocrite, as I have used stubhub more than once to get tickets to events. I paid over face value for the tickets but not that much over face value. Plus, Stubhub actually had fewer added fees than did the original seller, which narrowed the gap between what I paid and what I would have paid from original seller. (I assume the original seller waives such fees for the likes of Stubhub) 
    • If this is off topic, feel free to delete this post, but for reference the NCAA and the Olympic Movement policies can be found here:  Transgender Student-Athlete Participation Policy Transgender Student-Athlete Participation Policy Updated May 2024  
    • That's not relevant. If they wanted to sell 50k tickets, they still managed to do that. The tickets will get used, so that's as "widespread" as they wanted. Dropping the price to still sell the same number of tickets would be dumb. Again, it's not like the tickets won't get used, and the way to reduce the # of tickets on stubhub, etc. is to price them where secondary ticket resellers don't see a lot of value. If the tickets were $1M, no secondary ticket resellers would buy it. If they were $1, they'd buy as many as they could. That's an order of magnitude more complicated. And, again, if you price them appropriately, you can sell out while minimizing the value seen by secondary ticket resellers, while keeping it simple. Stuff like that sounds good until you scratch a few atoms off the top. Scratch a few atoms off the top man.
    • This may well be the only time I get a math problem correct. Ha.... After all I went to Ch!cago PubIic SchooIs. 😜
    • Totally agree with this new policy. Should be applied to every sport in general, most of all in contact sports were woman are getting seriously insured like  boxing.. mma.. etc.  
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