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Letting go of a golf buddy


eaglelandings
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I couldn't tell from your note if your friend was having a good time or not.  Maybe he's not as excited about playing as you may think. As for following the rules, if you're not betting, enjoy the companionship, and drop the advice unless he asks.  I do agree he needs to pick up his pace somehow. Sounds like he spends a lot of time with practice swings, etc.?

Assuming you can only devote X hrs. per week to golf, mention to him you've been invited to play with the other guys, you think it can help your game which is one of your goals, and would that work for him? That should start the conversation so each of you can decide what you want out of the golf games you play.

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I've played with golfers who are slow and others who are too fast (moving while someone is in their swing, walking off of the green before everyone has putted out, etc.).  With the slow guys I think that a little push can work wonders in lowering the time of the round (if the person is willing to listen and adapt- it doesn't look like your friend really wants to do that) but with the other end of the spectrum it's as much gamesmanship and the attitude of a lot of people today, golfers or not, who just don't think that it's necessary or important to play by the same rules and basic common courtesy as everyone else, even in a "Gentleman's Game" like golf.

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One of the great things about golf is that it allows players of wholly differing ability levels to play the sport together.

Even at a competitive level, the player who can actually play to his 28 handicap theoretically has the same chance of winning the tournament as the scratch golfer he is playing alongside.

In other words, golf isn't like taking a weekend cyclist and asking him to keep up with Lance Armstrong...

I've always enjoyed playing golf with players of any ability. As long as they respect the etiquette of the sport and play golf in the right spirit, I think that's all that counts...

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I got back into golf about this time last year from a break of about 20 years. I've got a buddy who has played for years and we have played regularly since I took it back up.

He usually shoots in the low 80's and many times in the 70's. I am improving, but started out scoring in the high 90's to low 100's.

Thank goodness he has been patient with me. I live in the country and have several acres to practice on. I usually hit balls every evening, trying get my swing to what I want it to be.

My buddy has a group he has played with for years on Friday afternoons and he continues to do so. I am greatful to him for putting up with me.

The difference I see between me and the OP's friend is I have had a willingness to improve.

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The best way is to gently give him the truth. You need to play with better players to improve, first of all. Second, if he's not going to play by the rules, he might find some other guys to play with, but I would not bet on it. Then there is the slow play issue, but you might wait to play that card. Good luck, you are in a predicament.

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Simple Solution.  Get over yourself.  If you want to play golf and he wants to play golf with you then let him do the arrangements.  No reason to burn the bridge over a silly little game; especially with as much water that has passed between you two.  There is no rule that you can't play golf with other people.  Just play less with him if you feel so strongly about it.  It's not like you're married or anything.  He asks you to play golf with him, then your choice.  You can always say no -- another time perhaps.  Hell you can hang out with him at other events outside golf.

Vic aka Ringworld aka Community Director at Greenskeeper.org aka All Around Nice Guy.

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The guy I usually play with shoots 30+ shots higher than me on a regular basis.  I normally shoot around 90-ish, so you can imagine his scores.  I've told him for years to get lessons and he never has.  I've tried to help him out on the driving range and break it down to the basics of grip, keep your eye on the ball and nice even tempo, but he still swings like Babe Ruth trying to hit into the upper deck.  I can feel the wind coming off his club as he falls off his stance backwards, because he tries to swing so hard.  So why do I still play with him?  Because he is a good friend and he loves playing the game.  He never gets mad and just keeps swinging.  The rare times he get's a par, you'd think he hit a hole in one.  I think there is something to be said for someone who really enjoys the game no matter what their playing level.  It makes it more fun for me personally, I know that.

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Originally Posted by Doctorfro

I don't get it.  Why can't you do both.  I play with all different kinds of people.  As long as they are not slow as molasses, who cares what they shoot.  I play golf with my wife.  She's not very good but she plays quickly.  She even has a hole in one to her credit.  Enjoy the game, enjoy the company.  I think thats the way it's meant to be.


^ Put succinctly and makes a lot of sense.

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Originally Posted by shades9323

Your reasons sound a bit pretentious to me. As does your giving him unwanted advice and expecting him to heed it. Are you insinuating that playing with him regularly slows your improvement?



It's hard to improve your game out on the course when you play regularly with someone who doesn't care about getting better. It's also hard to improve your game on the course when your playing with someone you beat by 20-30 strokes on a regular basis. You have it in your head before the round that you don't have to play hard. You play better and you improve ON THE COURSE when you are playing with people of your own skill level or slightly better. I know this from experience.....lots of it. I fully understand where the OP is coming from on this as I have had to deal with something similar in my past. It's going to be different for everyone I guess. Some of you guys play the game because you enjoy it and it's fun to get out of the office with your buddies every once and awhile. Then there are guys on here who really take the game seriously (yes we enjoy it and have fun with it too, and no I don't mean you think the game is a joke) and intend on competing in tournaments, etc. Those guys like to be tested on a regular basis because it betters their own game. Hopefully that makes sense and no one takes it the wrong way.

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Quote:
For those who inquired about "why can't I play with both groups".... I can't stand watching someone who doesn't better themselves.

This seems a little strange to me.   I can understand preferring to play with other serious golfers ... I just can't see being so bothered by someone who is content to hack around the course for fun.

It seems like you are a self-improvement type who doesn't believe in doing something just for kicks.  That's fine, but not everyone is like that.  If you cannot stand being with people who are not just like you when it comes to golf (or anything else where a person could potentially "better themselves"), you are being far too rigid IMO.

It almost sounds like you resent his not taking your advice, more than his lousy play.  Lay off the guy, he's your buddy!  :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

As someone else posted previously.

Keep your friendship going at all costs - it's alot more important than golf!

Believe me.  REAL friends are tough to come by.

They would stick it out for you no matter what.

So can't one do the same for a friend in a golf game?

You can still play with a group that are low handicappers but don't ever give up on your lifetime buddy no matter how good your golf game gets.

I had a friend who was a pro.  Do you think I minded if he played with good players for money?

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  • 3 months later...
I am sorry but if you dont like to improve and compete if only with yourself then go for a 4 hour walk and leave the tee sheet open for those who understand that golf was meant to be a competitive sport such that if you lacked talent but were willing to compete u could through the Hdcp system. How can it be a good walkspoiledif you don't care?
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Originally Posted by Subparfore18

I am sorry but if you dont like to improve and compete if only with yourself then go for a 4 hour walk and leave the tee sheet open for those who understand that golf was meant to be a competitive sport such that if you lacked talent but were willing to compete u could through the Hdcp system. How can it be a good walkspoiledif you don't care?



I have no idea what any of this means...

I'm not being an ass here, but honestly I'm not sure what you're attempting to say.

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To the OP. Been pretty silent since many have chimed in to your potential inappropriate behavior.  I personally do not have a friend of 17 years and was my best man and who was my roommate.........Golf is more a social enterprise than anything else.  In a round of golf of average 4 hours.  And you shoot 80 with an average of 1.5 seconds per swing...That's two minutes of actual hitting the ball.  There is an awfull lot of time in that round to be doing other things like chatting with your buds.  Each of us strives to be better.  Some are much more dedicated in their efforts vs others.  There is a win in this opportunity for both of you if you do the right thing.  Play with your bud once a week and develope a group of better golfers also that you play with otherwise.  How would you feel if all of a sudden your bud started shooting in the 60's and left you behind because you're not good enough.  Good is a descriptive adjective with many golfers that describes the outcome vs the journey.

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Note: This thread is 4517 days old. We appreciate that you found this thread instead of starting a new one, but if you plan to post here please make sure it's still relevant. If not, please start a new topic. Thank you!

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