The Irritable Golfer
Well, the snow is gone and I have had a chance to wander out to the course a few times. While a casual round is a time to relax for most of us, often all I do is work on my ulcers thinking about the myriad ways course owners and green keepers do a number on me. To be sure, not every course is guilty of these transgressions but they are common enough that most of us are familiar with a few of these issues.
Tee Markers – One is allowed to tee the ball in a rectangular area defined by the markers and two club lengths deep. Inevitably some green keeper will place the tee markers 18 inches shy of the rough at the back of the tee. If the tee box is chopped up between the markers you are given the option to go back up to 2 clubs and hit from a 45 degree slope out of 6 inch grass. If placing the markers close to the end of the tee box isn’t enough, our friendly grass mower will routinely set tees 30 degrees off from the preferred direction. Yes, one can always correct one’s aim and not rely on the markers for directional assistance. Still, with the markers squarely aimed OB or at a hazard, it is really tough to overcome the power of suggestion emitted by the poorly placed markers. Come on guys, the last 5 feet of the tee should never see a tee marker. And while we are at it, take that extra 15 seconds and sort of line up the markers properly.
Cart paths – So who hasn’t hit a marginal shot that appeared like it would miss the green by about 5 yards or so? Your ball was going to be pin high with a 5-10 yard chip until the intervention of a cart path. After a healthy bounce off the path you end up in jail rather than attempting a routine up & down. My guess is most of us are hurt rather than helped by paths at a minimum ratio of 20:1. At best the path ruins your ball but usually your ruined ball ends up in places that require greater skills to extricate it than you possess. Yes, shortening the walk from the cart to the green helps a bit in pace of play but cart paths were never intended to be a surprise hazard. Let’s keep those asphalt booby traps 20 yards or more from the green.
No Drinking Water – This is a recent development. Admittedly, in some instances those ubiquitous water jugs on golf courses have been the source of serious bacterial infection. Many courses pulled the water jugs in reaction to the perceived risk of illness. Very noble of the owners one might think, until you have to buy a bottle of water for $1.50 or $2.00. Talk about turning a bad situation into a money maker. There are ways to prevent contamination of water jugs but apparently selling over-priced bottles of water was too attractive for some courses to consider alternatives. What’s next? Paying rent for a bunker rake? Carrying my own water bottle has become mandatory now with courses cutting back on drinking water.
No Benches – Courses have saved money by not installing benches at each tee. The course is subtly telling everyone, if you want to sit, rent a cart. In an effort to increase cart rentals, a local club owner who purchased a private facility went so far as to actually remove all the benches from the course. Most of us don’t tend to lounge around on the course. If you are like me, you prefer to keep moving. When things are slow or I am a bit tired, however, it is nice to put my butt down on a bench rather than try to find a boulder or tree stump.
Unmarked/Incompletely Marked Hazards/OB – As maintenance budgets have been squeezed, more courses have unmarked hazards. Yes, it takes time to maintain those stakes or paint the lines. When a course stops the maintenance, however, it becomes very difficult to know where to make the proper drop or whether one is allowed to take a drop at all. Water hazard? Lateral water hazard? Lost ball? OB? It makes a difference. Is this soggy patch of weeds a water hazard or am I subject to a “lost ball” stroke & distance penalty? Come on course owners, give me a clue.
So what ulcer-inducing condition have I missed? Share your misery with the rest of us!
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